4 years post op & feel like a failure

[dmatlof]

April will be 4 years for me and I've gained almost 30 lbs since my lowest and i feel like an epic failure. I can drink alcohol, coffee, & sugar. I still avoid sugar though.
Let me give you some of my other issues. I take 2 meds for depression, social phobia, and anxiety. I also take Xanax prn, my bp is up again. I have chronic back issues though somewhat improved since back surgery though my foot goes numb from walking too much.

 

[Samsara]

Sorry to hear about your feeling like a failure How much weight did you lose in the first place? What surgery did you have? I think a small amount of weight gain can be quite common and I'm not sure what the answer is but maybe some others on here have been in a similar situation and give you some help and support as I am still pre-op.

I don't know if you are NHS or private but if NHS, could you contact your team for some support even if it's over the telephone? Are there any local support meetings you could go to or is this too much for you with the social phobia and anxiety?

 

[dmatlof]

Sorry to hear about your feeling like a failure How much weight did you lose in the first place? What surgery did you have? I think a small amount of weight gain can be quite common and I'm not sure what the answer is but maybe some others on here have been in a similar situation and give you some help and support as I am still pre-op.

I don't know if you are NHS or private but if NHS, could you contact your team for some support even if it's over the telephone? Are there any local support meetings you could go to or is this too much for you with the social phobia and anxiety?

I lost 115lbs, my surgery was RNY. I have just made an appointment with my nutritionist I think I am going to attend the monthly meetings again. My social phobia is under control with meds. Thank you )

 

[Samsara]

Good - that's an excellent start Do you have access to a psychologist as well as a nutritionist? And definitely go back to the meetings if you can. I think they are invaluable for us. Take care x

ps - you're not an epic failure - you lost 115lbs! And you've caught it early enough to start taking control again.

 

[Yvessa]

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what meds do you take for your phobia? Did you also have any talking therapies? How has it changed for you having the meds? I ask because my partner is struggling with his.

 

[lyzzyanne]

I think you have got to look at the positives, you are still considerably lighter than when you started and you CAN get a hold again, good time of year, weather getting better it some how lifts your spirits, with the support of your team you'll get there!!

 

[dmatlof]

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what meds do you take for your phobia? Did you also have any talking therapies? How has it changed for you having the meds? I ask because my partner is struggling with his.

I am taking Paxil & Wellbutrin and combination seems to work rather well for me.

 

[dmatlof]

Sorry I used to have more therapy but since I'm almost 43 and have been dealing with this my entire life I don't care for it unless I am having a rough patch, like now .

 

[Yvessa]

Thanks for replying. Do you think you're eating more? Grazing perhaps?

 

[Benrese]

Epic Failure??? We can be so hard on ourselves!

You have lost SO much weight since your surgery and this is, just as you stated-a rough patch. Rough patches are part of our lives.

I am now over 6 years out and have lost over 200 lbs, it used to be something like 225 lbs lost, but I had some bounce back and gain too. I also decided I was not going to torment myself to get back to my "lowest" weight-just for the sake of it, but rather whatever weight I felt good at.

It is absolutely worth you taking a good look under the hood of your body and emotions to see what's going on. You owe it to yourself. Although, it's not so unusual for those of us who have had weight loss surgery to find ourselves going through a gain, finding we are getting too friendly with drink, drug or food.

If you look at the research, our bodies are prone to try many of these things on-post surgery.

I am glad you are seeking support and information, but don't disregard the fact that you are human and a human who has had a massive change with weight loss surgery.

I have done a video or two talking about "new normals" and I think it is easy to forget we are not just exactly as we were before all of this.

Hang in there-things DO change and they WILL change because you are seeking it.

Cheers,

April will be 4 years for me and I've gained almost 30 lbs since my lowest and i feel like an epic failure. I can drink alcohol, coffee, & sugar. I still avoid sugar though.
Let me give you some of my other issues. I take 2 meds for depression, social phobia, and anxiety. I also take Xanax prn, my bp is up again. I have chronic back issues though somewhat improved since back surgery though my foot goes numb from walking too much.

 

[dmatlof]

Thanks for replying. Do you think you're eating more? Grazing perhaps?

Honestly it's just bad habits creeping back in. Things like dessert, caffeine, and alcohol. I suppose I'm stress eating again also.

 

[Yvessa]

I think that's bound to happen to all of us. I don't think you're a failure though! Just a human being. You seem pretty sensible, so its about going back to what was working for you and what changed. What do you need for it to change back?

 

[penelope1008]

Its a tough never ending road & we are bound to slip from the right path at times even the strongest & most focussed of us. None of us are ever failures other addictions have their recovering addicts who slip from the safe path & drag themselves back. Food is one thing we can never give up & our personal demons that took us to our heaviest no matter how well we deal with them are always there & can escape under the trigger conditions to taunt us again & again. My suggestion is you ask for help with some CBT counselling from your GP to help you fight those demons & put them back in their box & allow you to take control once more. I'm sure its not easy & from my own personal struggles I can see it will be as long if not never ending task to keep that focus & those demons locked away. We are human not super human & prone to struggling with ourselves & need to accept things will happen we will struggle to control, we need the tools CBT & other help can give us to allow us to use our surgical tool to the best advantage we can.
Good luck Hun & much empathy in your struggles just remember you are not a failure just an addict in need of support to find the right road & mind set once more.

 

[dmatlof]

I'm sorry but what is CBT & GP? I'm not up on the acronyms.

 

[penelope1008]

Cognitive behaviour therapy & general practitioner.