Body Image

[Grace]

This is something I've been pondering for a while.
I know quite a few people with anorexia and similar eating disorders. They all have this weird thing going on in their heads where, even though they're super-thin (actually emaciated)...when they look in the mirror, they see a fat person. Partly this is the reason why they then starve themselves some more.

So...my question is this - what do you see when you look in the mirror?

Because I seem to have the same problem, but in reverse. When I look in the mirror, mainly I see a SIZE 10 PETITE WOMAN LOOKING BACK.

Now I know that isn't true, I'm more like a size 26+.........:-( ........and if I catch just a brief glimpse, I'm more likely to see the true picture.

Photos are the absolute worst...which is why I HATE having my picture taken.
I see a picture of myself and think, "who on earth is that grossly obese woman?" and then when I realise with horror that it really is me, that really is how I look, then I beat myself up for allowing myself to get into this state.
BUT because in my head I'm really a size 10, it's all too easy to fall back into bad eating habits.
So my question is - is this just me; am I weird (yes I know I am, but in this respect particularly! LOL) or do other people out there have the same experience?
Charis xxx

 

[Bev]

Charis, I can relate to what you are saying, my photo usually disappears and I think like a size 10 but I am around the same dress size as you. It would be a good thing for you to keep a photo diary now with your surgery so near and just think back in a few months to come... even if you just keep the diary for you.... it is what I intend to do... much love and good luck xxx

 

[shelbell]

This is something I've only really discussed with close friends and my husband. Now, at a size 10-12 and 2 years post op, I have body dysmorphia. TBH, I think I always have, as I've never been able to see myself properly. It's quite hard to explain, but basically I have no concept of what size I am. I can't look at a woman and say if I'm bigger or smaller than them, unless I look at it logically like with dress size. I don't think of myself as skinny, when people say I am it suprises me. I don't see myself as fat either, I just can't see myself at all. I was talking to Nic and Carole the other week about the same thing, and Nic was saying about her body shape. I couldn't see what body shape I am, I have no idea, if pushed to choose one I would have said straight up and down, because I have no bum, at which Nic pointed out I am a classic hourglass. I was telling hubby at home later, and before I even got to what Nic said, he said but you're an hourglass! So if even my hubby can see it, it must be obvious!

It's not really a huge problem, but I find it makes it hard to choose clothes as I don't really know how to dress my figure.

I'm hoping that after I have the skin removed it will improve, as I think the folds of skin affect what I see.

That all probably makes no sense at all!

 

[cherry]

Hi charis i to am the same.... i think sometimes im this slim person when i imagine myself when in actual fact on a picture im this huge grotesqe person...... seriously its quite a wierd way to think... i look at pictures and i think who is that??... and its me :-((.......... when i went to my appointment to at sunderland in the room they had two chairs a huuuuuge one ( im not being rude) and a 'normal' one i was like oooo i dont need to sit on that one.. when in actually fact i prob am big enough for it xxx

 

[dottychic]

Well.........I think I must be anorexic because I look in the mirror and see a fat person
Seriously though, only today I saw myself in a shop window and said to my daughter, I dont think I look that big in my mind. I dont see myself as a size 10 or anything I just dont see myself as big as I am. Hopefully I wont be this big for much longer x

 

[angie790]

I'm with dottychic on this one; I know I'm not a size 10, but in my head I certainly don't feel as fat as I know I am. Totally weird.

 

[Grace]

Hi girls thanks so much for that. It really confirms my thoughts and suspicions. Obesity, being overweight, call it what you will, IS an eating disorder.
Not that I'm trying to make excuses for myself it is honestly only since I began 'working' with people with anorexia that I've become so very aware of the similarities.

I find it strangely comforting...

and thanks Beverly...a photo diary is a completely brilliant idea. I suspect this isn't going to go away....it was only just over a year ago that it FINALLY dawned on me that I'm most often the fattest person in a room!

Yeah Kelly, like you looked at the 'big' chairs and quietly laughed to myself (it felt like 'land of the giants since I'm so short too!)......but truth is they were pretty much the right size for me!
I guess it's all going to be a learning curve.........

 

[zns]

I dont think anyone getting WLS will ever be 100% happy about what they see in the mirror, we were told that the op can not make you happy and if that was your reason for doing it you would fail. It can only help make you healthier. I imagine a lot of us do have degrees of body dysmorphia

 

[PoppyCorn]

I'm with Dottychic and Angie. I don't see a thin person, but I don't think of myself as being as large as I am.

I remember walking towards a glass door and thinking - "gosh that person's huge", only to realise it was me, needless to say I was horrified, then promptly thought of something else.

 

[Bev]

Angie reflects how I feel, although my health is clearly suffering (having had cancer and insulin dependent diabetic). At my heaviest I have been around 21 stone... I am around 18.12 (like the overture now) but rarely buy smaller clothes because I am convinced I will only go up again... but I'm fighting that thought really hard... but often think like I'm slimmer and when I see my photo's I can feel more motivated than ever to do something about myself... because my photo's don't look like me anymore and I have shocked myself so often by seeing myself in reality... not by how I feel... as a final word... I have an inner strength to improve and move forward no matter how long it takes xxx

 

[Bev]

Hope you are doing well Poppycorn and it's all working out for you, thank you for the words of inspiration and encouragement! I can see that this website is going to be a lifeline to me on my journey! Thank you all xxx

 

[Bev]

and thanks Beverly...a photo diary is a completely brilliant idea. I suspect this isn't going to go away....it was only just over a year ago that it FINALLY dawned on me that I'm most often the fattest person in a room!

Charis... this is me.... I always have felt body conscious and although I had to stand up and be counted in my work... I wondered if I could ever help myself into a slimmer body... years and years of dieting... not succeeding... disappointments... really feeling trapped in my body and now we are getting an opportunity to get fitter, healthier and to have a better quality of life... let's all go for it... I think the majority of us have endured what you have felt and please don't ever feel alone on that one! xxx

 

[PoppyCorn]

Hi Beverlie

The people on here are the best!

I only joined here the week before my surgery (I was on minimins while on lighter life) and none of my questions have been to silly or mundane for them to answer - plus they all know have to have a laugh, which is a huge bonus when going through wls!

Poppy x

 

[Bev]

That's the spirit Poppy and we all have each other... so glad I have found you all xxx

 

[phatmomma]

Body image - when i look in the mirror i EXPECT to see the slim size 14 that was there 26 years ago. Unfortunately she has been eaten by a heavier size 22 n shrinking. However i can see the changes already with my 27lb weight loss and am quietly confident i won't see that fat bird in 12 months time. I may not see the size 14 but whatever looks back at me i'll be much happier looking at

Love yourself first girls n boys xx

 

[madstaffyblonde1]

Charis, I totally relate to everything you are saying

On the odd occasion I went out I would look in the mirror and feel good and think I looked good even at a size 24 it is not till after my surgery that I realised how big I really was but now I have lost most of my weight I look in the mirror and see the reverse, I now see a fat person stupid hey, I am currently a size 14 but can get in some size 12's so there is no way I am fat but my mirror always says different so its back to trying not to look in the mirrors again lol

 

[marky v]

i've said from day one, that obesity is an eating disorder, no different in many ways to anorexia, just a mirror image of course, but many people say to us obese peeps, stop bloody eating and exercise, well if it was that easy, we'd all have the perfect figure/body, imagine saying that to an anorexic, there'd be an outcry of how unsympathetic/non understanding you are, anorexics, are committed to eating disorder units to help them, as are drug addicts and in some caese alchoholics, see the pattern, they're all addictions of one sort or another, but obesity is poo poo'd......body dysmorphia, omg, i suffer bad from that, it'll take a while for the ole grey matter to catch up with my weight loss, but i'm sure i'll get there

 

[Grace]

Marky V I completely agree with everything you say........

and what's more, obesity has now reached epidemic proportions, but the government only now seem to be waking up to the fact that it's costing the country a whole pile of money.......

.........and weight loss surgery seems to be the only truly effective strategy yet devised!

Yet before I managed to convince my GP that I was really serious and needed help (after asking for help regularly for about 30 years!)......his best advice was
"Charis, just stop eating!"
Like, if I could do that, I'd be a size 10, fit, active, healthy !
DOH !!!!!!!!!!

 

[Grace]

oops

LOL sorry..........

rant now over...........!!!!!!!!!!