Brothers and Comments.

[Mrs Quiggle]

For longer than I can ever remember I've been told I was fat, whether it was my Gran telling me I wasn't fat I was thick, or my Nan telling me it was just puppy fat or my family telling me I shouldn't be eating it cause I was fat, I've always been told I was fat. Looking at photo's of myself as a child and young teen I was actually a perfectly normal size, I suppose if my friends were a size 10 I was a 12 but thats about the worst of it. I think my problem began when I started to think well I'm fat already so I might as well eat it anyway.

My two brothers one older and one younger have always been quite abusive about my size, always got a wise crack about me, comment on everything I put in my mouth, think it's hillarious that my cars registration number is P199 even last month, knowing I was have this op soon my brother insisted that I take the number plate with me when I change my car after Christmas.

A few years ago my brother rose to the pinnacle of his nastiness when he commented all through my Mums birthday lunch at a carvery, (I love veg and had piled my plate with lush veges) and then when I got home said no to a piece of chocolate birthday cake as I'd been diagnosed with diabetes a few months before.

They both rushed to my bedside in hospital when I had a heart attack last year but I could tell that they were doing the, well it was on the cards wasn't it, bit.

I'm just wondering now that I've had my op what they will find to insult about me. There will be something as it's in their nature to do so. It's the only part of Christmas I'm not looking forward to as they will be at Mum and Dads on Boxing day. Anyone want to have a guess at what it might be next. Bubble bath for the winner after Christmas. :8855:

 

[Jen1961]

Kate, this year why don't you just tell them how they have made you feel over the years and 'ask' them to give your feelings a thought once in a while and shut the fu*k up!!!

Grrrr... some people are so darn insensitive.

You could always give them a hug afterwards hehe!!!

 

[pandora]

I'd get In first with the comments ie " well as I am no longer fat what are you going to be nasty & upset my feeling with this year " it may pull them up in their tracks & make them think .
Either that or if they start just raise your hand & walk away
I hope you enjoy Xmas without incident though xx

 

[Fuffs]

For longer than I can ever remember I've been told I was fat, whether it was my Gran telling me I wasn't fat I was thick, or my Nan telling me it was just puppy fat or my family telling me I shouldn't be eating it cause I was fat, I've always been told I was fat. Looking at photo's of myself as a child and young teen I was actually a perfectly normal size, I suppose if my friends were a size 10 I was a 12 but thats about the worst of it. I think my problem began when I started to think well I'm fat already so I might as well eat it anyway.

My two brothers one older and one younger have always been quite abusive about my size, always got a wise crack about me, comment on everything I put in my mouth, think it's hillarious that my cars registration number is P199 even last month, knowing I was have this op soon my brother insisted that I take the number plate with me when I change my car after Christmas.

A few years ago my brother rose to the pinnacle of his nastiness when he commented all through my Mums birthday lunch at a carvery, (I love veg and had piled my plate with lush veges) and then when I got home said no to a piece of chocolate birthday cake as I'd been diagnosed with diabetes a few months before.

They both rushed to my bedside in hospital when I had a heart attack last year but I could tell that they were doing the, well it was on the cards wasn't it, bit.

I'm just wondering now that I've had my op what they will find to insult about me. There will be something as it's in their nature to do so. It's the only part of Christmas I'm not looking forward to as they will be at Mum and Dads on Boxing day. Anyone want to have a guess at what it might be next. Bubble bath for the winner after Christmas. :8855:

The first bit could have been written by me. I was called fat everything. I look at pics now and I looked great. Just sad my family chose to tell me I was fat. So getting fat made no difference. Fats fat right?

King Kong and Gorilla were regulars lol. Ugly sometimes accompanied it. Because I am tall, my nan often called me a big dopey idiot (I was top class in everything at school)

I also wonder what my nan will have to say once I am slim. I have never seen her slim. Yet she comments on my size. Even when I was in labour

Your brothers may just need a dose of truth! But then I am guessing you don't want a confrontation at Xmas.

It a shame, but good chances are they will find something else! B&$+?!>$!!!!!!

Just isn't nice or fair!

 

[Caren]

They'll probably say that losing weight has made u look old. Gggrrrrr

from me phone

 

[Fuffs]

They'll probably say that losing weight has made u look old. Gggrrrrr

from me phone

Very likely!!!

 

[Yvessa]

Write them a Christmas card which tells them how they've made you feel and how you want them to treat you. They're adults now, and being so insensitive just won't do. I find I always write what I mean better than when I say it.

 

[Liesa]

when they look at you with mouths open wide... just tell em to 'Do 1'

 

[Mrs Quiggle]

I hadn't told either of them for almost 2 years about the op. I only told them when I was lying in a hospital bed with a heart attack. I told them that their behaviour over the years had got so out of hand, especially after Mums birthday the other year when my brother threw me on the floor and told me what he thought of me because I decided I'd had enough and called the children to leave. It had suddenly become his fault that I was upset and leaving on Mums birthday. She did actually have a go at him that time but they are both golden boys. It makes me sound like I have an awful family, ( I have lol) not really, I just don't like my brothers very much. I feel compelled to love them because they are my brothers but I don't actually like either of them. They are both big headed prats. I lives in Entibe 5 mins walk from Cann in France and the other one lives near me in Chessington and luckily I only ever see them very occasionally when we all get together for Boxing day or a big birthday. I see the one in France even less. If I were to telephone either of them they would be very friendly and chatty, they just can't help taking the piss out of me. My older brother even dated the bully who used to beat me black and blue at school.

Ah well, you can't choose your family can you. I have absolutely smashing in-laws.

Don't know why I'm telling you all this. Just getting it off my mind I suppose.

 

[Fuffs]

Because it's good to vent

Your brothers sound like arses Kate.

You are certainly a Rose between two thorns (((hugs)))

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Im with Jen tell em to piss off in front of the whole family,then laugh and say at least you will lose weight they will always be the same pair of mean minded,bully boys they have always been.Maz x

 

[Magsy]

Ah i find this quite sad the little or should i say BIG s---ts. I have the most caring loving older brothers who have been my support all my life and I love then dearly. One call and they are there for me. Unfortunatly my problem was my parents and i was never good enough and always felt that their love was conditional. My mother still introduces me as Margaret and never her daughter. I agree with others tell them where to get off and it is their loss. They don't deserve your consideration. lol Rant over. Big hugs

 

[amy_m]

Kate that terrible. Your brothers may still say it or even use the op against you hopefully they don't.

Just look them in the eyes straight faced and say well I might off been fat but at least I'm not a stupid little man who has to pick on women and worse there own sister to make themselves feel like a men xx

 

[Raynebubble]

For longer than I can ever remember I've been told I was fat, whether it was my Gran telling me I wasn't fat I was thick, or my Nan telling me it was just puppy fat or my family telling me I shouldn't be eating it cause I was fat, I've always been told I was fat. Looking at photo's of myself as a child and young teen I was actually a perfectly normal size, I suppose if my friends were a size 10 I was a 12 but thats about the worst of it. I think my problem began when I started to think well I'm fat already so I might as well eat it anyway.

My two brothers one older and one younger have always been quite abusive about my size, always got a wise crack about me, comment on everything I put in my mouth, think it's hillarious that my cars registration number is P199 even last month, knowing I was have this op soon my brother insisted that I take the number plate with me when I change my car after Christmas.

A few years ago my brother rose to the pinnacle of his nastiness when he commented all through my Mums birthday lunch at a carvery, (I love veg and had piled my plate with lush veges) and then when I got home said no to a piece of chocolate birthday cake as I'd been diagnosed with diabetes a few months before.

They both rushed to my bedside in hospital when I had a heart attack last year but I could tell that they were doing the, well it was on the cards wasn't it, bit.

I'm just wondering now that I've had my op what they will find to insult about me. There will be something as it's in their nature to do so. It's the only part of Christmas I'm not looking forward to as they will be at Mum and Dads on Boxing day. Anyone want to have a guess at what it might be next. Bubble bath for the winner after Christmas. :8855:

Sometimes family members think they have a right to say what they like to you not thinking about your feelings, well hun they dont have the right... i had an uncle as i was growing up who used to go on and on about my weight and at my sisters wedding... he said i will stand behind Lorraine then nobody will see me...then a couple of years ago.. an aunt who i hadnt seen since i was 3 walked up to me and said... ooh another salad dodger... well i can tel you now... that was only the 2nd time id had seen her and will prob now be the last.
Speak to your brothers one to one before Christmas and tell them that there comments are hurtfull and if they could give you a break. hopefully this will shut them up xx good luck hun xx

 

[Sharonimo]

Hi Mrs Quiggle,

Your brothers sound appalling. I too also have two brothers, one older, one younger. They are not rude and horrible, but they are not a shining beacon of a "lovely huggy" family either.

They are basically closer friends with each other than me (they both live in Dorset) and I live 100 miles away in London. I don't think they dislike me, nor me them .... altho I do get a bit peeved that they both have very affluent lifestyles (both live in 6 bed houses with 2 or 3 cars) and I am up to my neck in debt, still living in a rented bedsit/studio at 43 years old.

That is (obviously) my problem, not their problem, but they don't exactly offer to help. And I know they would say they worked hard for their houses and cars etc, I have worked every single day since I was 17 years old, but have nothing to show for it ..... just bad luck and bad timing on my part !!

They've never been rude about my weight though, I think they know it is a sore subject, so they just don't mention it. When I visit my family my weight is like the elephant in the room (ha ha!) a subject that no one discusses !!!

This year might be different, because I have told them about the op, and that it will be going ahead in the Spring, so I am expecting quite a few questions over Xmas, but I have my answers already lined up !!!

 

[cost]

Thank you for sharing your situation with your brothers, my heart went out to you. It has taken me a long time to realise the family politics that like me to be the biggest in the family so that my sisters, in particular, can feel that there is someone bigger than them. You have obviously risen above their vitrol prior to your op and now you have your new journey in front of you. Try and focus on all the things that you plan to do now that you will be able to - travelling, new clothes, outings, etc...

Enjoy the festive season.

Cheers, Cost x

 

[Mrs Quiggle]

Thanks everyone. I've always given that I don't care, not given them ammo to carry on but they are both just horrible. Thing is, I know I'm ok and I have a very close family, (my husband and children) where as both of them are divorced and re-married (not that there's anything wrong with that of course) and I'm not and it's always been a competition with the pair of them to see who can have the best lifestyle. The younger one lives in Entibe in France and has just had his teeth veneered in Thai Land, actually the first thing he said when I was in hospital last year was not how are you but 'do you like my new teeth' silly arse. I think they are both terribly insecure and you see I'm just not. I'm really happy with my lot and they can't understand that.

I will not make a scene at Christmas, it will just cause a bad atmosphere and I don't want that. Outsiders think they are the best thing that walked Gods earth. (Oh yes I come from a family of athiests too and they all think I've joined the God Squad because I'm a Christian and go to church lol) I can handle that though.

Kate x

 

[Fuffs]

I didn't think you would want a scene at Christmas. Serene silence or a massive obviously fake smile may do the best lol

 

[Thereza1111]

I agree entirely! Don't let them hurt you any longer kate. You are better than them, never forget that! x

 

[snagglepuss]

Hi Kate! Ive finally made it to this forum, although Im having loads of problems posting to it so I dont know if this will make it onto here or not!! I also have a twatty brother I have nothing to do with....... he is 62 and behaves like a 12 year old, has always used sarcasm as a form of bullying, and is just not a nice person, so I choose not to have anything to do with him. My sister, who I have always got on ok with, has become resentful of me since my op, she is also large and I have my suspicions she might be jealous that I have sought a solution to my problem which she wouldn't dare contemplate. She is my only living relative (apart from the estranged brother) but didn't bother to visit me in hospital, and refuses to even appear interested in anything I have to say about my experience! Families? Nightmare!! I'm having Xmas on my own at home this year, so unless the cat picks a fight, I know it will be a peaceful one!!