Compliments??!!

[seawaves]

Hi all, 6 years ago i lost 8 stone, i woke up one morning & said i've enough i'm going to diet so a year on i was 8 stone down, then the problems started after many years of being in a violent relationship i wasn't use to taking compliments i'd lost my protection, so yes i'm sure you've guessed it within 6months it was all back on plus another 2 stone!! So please tell me how am i going to take the compliments after surgery (providing it works!)at the present time i'm not worried about pain or anything else that comes with the surgery just the fact that i'm scared of compliments!!!! Any advice will be greatfully received xx

 

[StephieAck]

I cant give you a definative answer on this one as I have the same trouble myself, I get very embarrassed when I get compliments and I am simply not used to them.
I tend to just smile and say thank you even when inside I can be blushing furiously and getting all flustered with myself.
A lot of people wont understand what we mean when we say compliments are slightly uncomfortable, I do like compliments now but I am still uncomfortable when receiving them and probably always will be.
So, in short, I cant advise you but want to reassure you that you are not alone xx
Steph xx

 

[seawaves]

Thanks Steph, just knowing that i'm not alone helps, sometimes i think i'm just crazy!! x

 

[RoseA]

I have had a life-long problem with self esteem, regardless of what I've achieved in my life and I tend to react to compliments by putting myself down in some way. However, my confidence has improved as I've got older and I hope I will be able to cope with compliments better. I don't really know yet - it's still early days and I've not got out much since my op !

 

[Sambucca]

I know where you are coming from.

After losing 7 stones +, I am finding it extremely hard to deal with the compliments. Someone tells me I look nice, and I usually have to respond by telling them something negative about myself - such as about my loose skin.

So I cant tell you how to deal with the compliments, but can tell you that eating to supress feelings of any sort is much different after surgery. Particularly in the early months. Dont get me wrong, its still possible to eat rubbish, and I often do - but my bypass is always in charge, and at this stage anyway, it doesnt let me eat enough to get me back to where I was.

 

[Neen]

Look at it as someone trying to give you a gift, they are saying it with positive intent and want you to feel good and that their words of encouragement make you feel good about yourself. You wouldn't chuck an actual gift back in someones face and I have come to try and view compliments as a gift of words,so just say thankyou and smile.

 

[tiarasandtantrums]

It's a really tricky one and I discussed it in great detail with my therapist. She suggested that you practice by giving yourself compliments. It sounds like psychobabble, but it is actually quite constructive.

I used to have a terrible habit of putting myself down when I was complimented, now I have learnt to accept them with good grace (even when I don't necessarily believe the compliment!). It takes time to get in the mind set, but it's worth it in the end xx

 

[phatmomma]

I'm with TnT, start each day by looking in the mirror and finding something you like about yourself and compliment yourself... For instance you may have lovely curly hair, some people would kill for lovely curly hair You may be a really kind helpful person doing favours for an elderly neighbour, in which case you can compliment yourself on this...

Say the compliment, smile graciously and say thank you and then change the subject! You don't need to have a conversation about it, just accept and move the chat on or carry on walking xxx

ps, i can't take compliments either so i'm gonna start practising on myself xx

 

[strawberry twig]

As u start to lose weight you will start to believe in urself.(Well I do anyway) It will take a while, and for u to realise that this time the weight won't be going back on because u have a new tool to help u maintain ur new weight. So when someone says how good ur lookin, ul be able to look in the mirror and agree with them. Just smile widely and say thank you very much

 

[tesmaralda]

the believing in yourself doesnlt always come with the weight loss Twig. I still find it very to hard to believe in myself and take compliments. I still keep thinking uni is a dream and that I am going to wake up real soon. Its alomost like I'm looking at someone elses life not mine as I still doubt that things are going my way for a change. x x

 

[tink75]

I know where you are coming from.

After losing 7 stones +, I am finding it extremely hard to deal with the compliments. Someone tells me I look nice, and I usually have to respond by telling them something negative about myself - such as about my loose skin.

How funny Sam I was going to say the same thing lol - I have even been known to show them my bat wings if I know them well enough. i also tend to say it's not me it's the surgery - but I had an epiphany the other day and dcided that it's not just the surgery it is also all my hard work with exercise and food choices - so I am now going to just say thank you and nothing else. Typical no one has mentioned it since lol lol lol. Seawaves I hink everyone else has given great advice here - some I may even try myself, but just know that it is a journey that we are all making and sharing this ship helps make the jorney easier xxx

 

[StephieAck]

I have to agree with Terri, I dont think that it does get easier as the weight comes off, not for many people anyway, if you are one of those lucky few that will become used to it and comfy with it then I envy you.
Steph xx

 

[tink75]

Me too Steph - me too x

 

[strawberry twig]

Well I must be one of the lucky ones then. My confidence have grown with every lb I lost.

My weight never made me lack confidence until I got a bout of anxiety and depression linked to under active thyroid.

My weight rocketed to a size 30 bottom 32 top and they were getting tight. Thats when the problems started. I had no confidence in myself what so ever. I hated everything I seen in the mirror and would stay in the house in my comfort zone as much as possible. I cant tell u how bad it got, I wouldn't look at people (if I had to for some reason go to the shops for anything), I'd stare at the floor and would get everything possible online so I didn't have to go out doors.

Then I had to do the school run ( which I would never do if I could help it) and a 4 year old boy ran up and down the school corridoor pointing at me and shouting look at the fat lady to the other 4 year old kids waiting to go into nursery :sigh:. I was mortified as all the parents looked at me. I was so embarrassed and hurt and angry that I went up to the mother and told her she should teach her child some manners.

Oh I got all the comments about him only being 4 but the child knew not to shout racist abuse at other children, but thought it ok to shout about me being "fat", his older brother was 8 at the time and was in my daughters class. He had also made comments to my daughter about my weight too which I had spoken to the mother about only a few months earlier, so this was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. Anyway after that I never left the house at all, only to go to work.

After my bypass and the weight loss I slowly started to feel a bit more confident, and now I look at myself and Im gradually starting to smile when I see my reflection instead of recoiling in horror. My self asteam is growing and I actually feel good about myself.

 

[Sambucca]

Well I must be one of the lucky ones then. My confidence have grown with every lb I lost.

My weight never made me lack confidence until I got a bout of anxiety and depression linked to under active thyroid.

My weight rocketed to a size 30 bottom 32 top and they were getting tight. Thats when the problems started. I had no confidence in myself what so ever. I hated everything I seen in the mirror and would stay in the house in my comfort zone as much as possible. I cant tell u how bad it got, I wouldn't look at people (if I had to for some reason go to the shops for anything), I'd stare at the floor and would get everything possible online so I didn't have to go out doors.

Then I had to do the school run ( which I would never do if I could help it) and a 4 year old boy ran up and down the school corridoor pointing at me and shouting look at the fat lady to the other 4 year old kids waiting to go into nursery :sigh:. I was mortified as all the parents looked at me. I was so embarrassed and hurt and angry that I went up to the mother and told her she should teach her child some manners.

Oh I got all the comments about him only being 4 but the child knew not to shout racist abuse at other children, but thought it ok to shout about me being "fat", his older brother was 8 at the time and was in my daughters class. He had also made comments to my daughter about my weight too which I had spoken to the mother about only a few months earlier, so this was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. Anyway after that I never left the house at all, only to go to work.

After my bypass and the weight loss I slowly started to feel a bit more confident, and now I look at myself and Im gradually starting to smile when I see my reflection instead of recoiling in horror. My self asteam is growning and I actually feel good about myself.

Tammy, I remember how upset you were when that happened, and its no wonder your confidence was at an all time low.

I have had the pleasure of seeing how your confidence has come on in leaps and bounds since the surgery and I sincerely hope that it continues to improve as you get smaller and smaller. Who'd have thought that in 6 short months you would have gone from total hermit - to a holiday abroad.

You look truly stunning, and it really is no wonder that you are starting to feel good about yourself. You are really beautiful, and sadly, most of society hasnt been able to see how gorgeous you were when you were bigger, and is only just starting to realise how attractive you are.

So you lap up those compliments girl. I'm gobsmacked each time I see you, and the compliments I give you are genuine. I know your hubby adored you when you were bigger, but god, he must think all his christmas and birthdays have come at once now when he goes out with you on his arm.

Love ya xx

 

[seawaves]

I know what you mean about young children one of my jobs is working in a nursery so i do get this quite alot, which i find upsetting because they must learn it from somewhere & lets be honest its got to be from home, as i've said on here before up until she was 8 my daughter thought "fat" was a swear word!! As i explain to the children it doesn't make me a bad person......does it?
I was ok with my size when i lived in London i don't think you get noticed as much but since moving to cornwall 8 yrs ago it seems to have become an issue for me, after seeing your replies i do now know that i'm not alone so thanks for that i will take a compliment as a gift....i like that xx

 

[tesmaralda]

Don't get me wrong my confidence has grown otherwise I wouldn't be doing my college or teeaching training. It's hard to explain its like I am just baby sitting this body and life until I have to return to the old me.

 

[12dobidog]

It is hard to take compliment, and yes I found it very hard too. I have to smile, say thanks and quickly change the subject.

 

[StephieAck]

Once again Terri, I agree with you, I too feel as though I am babysitting this new life and new body until I have to give it back, it feels incredibly like a dream and so that is probably why it all feels so funny.
Steph xx

 

[strawberry twig]

Tammy, I remember how upset you were when that happened, and its no wonder your confidence was at an all time low.

I have had the pleasure of seeing how your confidence has come on in leaps and bounds since the surgery and I sincerely hope that it continues to improve as you get smaller and smaller. Who'd have thought that in 6 short months you would have gone from total hermit - to a holiday abroad.

You look truly stunning, and it really is no wonder that you are starting to feel good about yourself. You are really beautiful, and sadly, most of society hasnt been able to see how gorgeous you were when you were bigger, and is only just starting to realise how attractive you are.

So you lap up those compliments girl. I'm gobsmacked each time I see you, and the compliments I give you are genuine. I know your hubby adored you when you were bigger, but god, he must think all his christmas and birthdays have come at once now when he goes out with you on his arm.

Love ya xx

Thank you so much Sam, and having friends like you makes this journey so much easier.

I really do feel like living my life now and embrassing my second chance with both hands. x x