Crazy mind trip...

[StephieAck]

...Ive had one of these a few times recently!
Our 'head' takes a lot longer to catch up to the new us than our body does and even though I still havent gotten used to the new me, my mind has let me have little peeks at the real new me recently.
I have looked in the mirror and where I would usually still see the pre-op me, a wierd thing happens and I suddenly see the new slim(mer) me and it shocks me....Im slim! Oh my word, when did that happen? That is what I mean by it being a crazy mind trip. I knew when I stepped into my size 12's that I MUST be slimmish but couldnt see it with my own eyes...until recently and oh boy do I like how it feels. I look and I see my lovely new face shape...gosh, my face actually has shape to it, I have a jawline and a nice shape to my face in general...wow, who would have thought! I looked at my shape in clothing and saw that I have slim shoulders and clothes now look nice on my body...slim girly shoulders...wowser...I never knew I could have those!! Why didnt my brain let me see this new shape before...why has it taken so long for me to actually see the new me? I like the new me...yes ok when Im naked I see the bits of saggy skin and wish I could tighten them, but I dont hate them, they are a part of my journey, they show me just how far I have come...and in clothes I just stare at this slim, shapely woman looking back at me and gaze in wonder at the fact that its me...I have my dream, I always dreamed of looking at my body and even thinking it was ok, so my dreams have been surpassed because I now actually LIKE my body, I LIKE to look at my new shape, dont get me wrong I dont spend vast amounts of time admiring myself but when I do look I have a big smile on my face instead of a huge shame filled frown and a sick and ashamed feeling inside.
Even though I knew surgery was likely to make me slimmer I didnt realise how well it would work, I didnt realise how totally wonderful it would make me feel. Actually, I DIDNT think it would work, I saw the numbers going down on the scales and on the tape measure but I couldnt marry the two things together...I couldnt make my brain see those numbers as my slimming down...its so bizarre.
But eleven months on and I finally see the new me...sod the BMI numbers (makes me still obese)...I look at the new me...IM SLIM...oh my Lord...I AM arent I, Im actually slim, Ive done it...this beautiful gift that is my life after surgery is just so awesome and I am so thankful and happy.
I do realise how self serving this thread is but I just wanted to share my utter joy and delight with you all and to say that I hope that everyone elses 'heads' catch up soon and lets you see the awesome new you.
Dreams do come true...Im living proof!
Steph xx

 

[Mixman]

What a wonderful story.

Sadly, my mind is not accepting the new me just yet, but I'm getting there.

There are parts I love and parts I am proud of but, as a whole, I'm not there. Yet!

 

[Grace]

Stephie, self-serving thread? my left foot! It's a lovely thread and has brought a great big smile to my face! Woohooooooooo! it's so good to hear!

and funnily enough, as I got washed this morning, I glanced up at my face in the mirror and noticed something amazing - my face could no longer be described as round! I have literally HATED my face for so long, hidden as it has been in swathes of fat. Ok, under my chin there is still quite a bit....but it's going! but oh my gosh, my face is now OVAL!
Yippppeeeeeeee!

I am only 7 weeks out, and already feeling the wonder of living the dream! So thank you for posting your post. It is a huge encouragement!

 

[sugga]

Hello Stephanie, what a lovely and open story of your experience with weight loss. You look amazing. It is so magical to read the post op stories on here and your story was certainly heart felt. You are an inspiration. Thank you. I might just read it all over again lol. x

 

[dawny]

oh steph, thats wonderful hun, im so so pleased for you, i really am. it must be wonderful to have that feeling, i dont think im quite there yet, but i am feeling slimmer, just not slim yet, lol. lol i bet your walking round with a grin from ear to ear, i wonder if having your hair cut has helped, cos you can see your face shape better now, and your neck etc, either way im just so glad its happened and your body and head are now in sync. big hugs xx

 

[dottychic]

Live the dream Steph, thats what you signed up for Enjoy every last minute of it X

 

[StephieAck]

Thanks guys xx Here's to all of us getting their head into the same place that mine is.
I must say though, I NEVER want to forget where I was before, unlike many I am happy to be the fat girl that got slim, I feel that it will keep me humble and keep my feet firmly on the ground, I half want to blow up a photo of me at my biggest and put it on a t-shirt and walk around in it to show people how far I have come lol I never would obviously but I do half want to lol
I do think that my shorter hair has helped me, my neck looks much longer and you can see my face shape well too.
I felt I wasnt slimming much recently and when I did my measurements I was puzzled that they had changed so much and it wasnt showing in my clothes, so last night I went through my clothes and wow, it IS showing now, I was thrilled lol My size 12 jeans and pants are only going to last a tiny it longer...my head is going to struggle to let me pick up a size 10 anything though lol
I love this journey!
Steph xx

 

[Grace]

Wooooooooo! a size 10! how exciting is that?! That is my aim....oh my goodness how on earth can you possibly still be classed as obese? that's just crazy! Who's a size 10 and obese?

 

[StephieAck]

Funny old figure I have, getting to a size 10 on the bottom but a 12/14 on top.
Yeah they do your BMI by measuring your height against your weight and for around another few pounds I am obese, after that I am overweight, I would have to be 9st to be BMI 25 which is considered as ideal. They dont really consider the amount of extra skin though. BMI is a ridiculous measurement, you could get a very fit and healthy body builder and weight him and then weigh a very unfit and heavy person and they would still come out at the same BMI...its stupid.
Sod the BMI though.
Im actually considering upping my ideal weight to 11st as Im pretty happy as I am now at 11st 3lbs. Obviously if my body carried on down to 10st then fine but Im still considering setting the goal at 11st. I dunno lol
Steph xx

 

[ladylite]

What a lovely thread Stephnie.

 

[emma-louise]

hi steph,

I think this was lovely to read,Im still finding it hard to believe I had the courage to have the operation in this first place!
Its hard to get my head round that Im ever going to be slimmer!..did you think like that in the newly pre-op days?

xx

 

[StephieAck]

Emma-Louise...every time I have ever lost weight I have only lost 2st and then it has come back plus more. I went into surgery hoping that it would work, my sensible head telling me it HAD to work, but without me realising it my heart didnt truly believe that it would.
I have spent the last twelve months knowing that I am slimming down, I have the spare room full of outgrown clothes to prove it, I have almost every weigh in printout from my weigh in's since December last year and it is glaringly obvious that the weight has gone...but it is only this past week that I have actually gotten in the head space of believing it. I was still convinced deep down that the losses were going to be two stone, then stop and then the weight come back on, how you can be stuck in that mentality when nine stone has gone is beyond me!!!
I now finally believe that Im slim and will stay slim (if it kills me I will NEVER gain the weight back!!).
Up until this week I would wake up and be shocked when I looked down and saw this slim(mer) figure, it literally stunned me when I looked into the mirror, every day I expected to find that I had woken up from the dream and that I was huge again. I STILL look around places when I go into them to plot my journey through them like I used to have to, looking for tight spaces between chairs to avoid, trying to sit in a way that noone could see me eat in a cafe or restaraunt because I hated the looks people would give me, as though they were thinking "fat cow, stop eating and you will lose weight"...now I dont care who sees me eating. I used to truly fear an event having a buffet and would refuse to go and get food from it, a friend or family member would have to get a plate for me, I was sick of seeing people look at my plate as I passed them in the line, passing judgment over how much food I had gotten, I really dont care now, but then I suppose people dont judge slimmer people on what they are eating.
My head isnt TOTALLY caught up yet, I think I will always expect to wake up from the dream and be back to square one and I am still shocked when I see a photo or look in the mirror, but for the most part my head and body are now in sync, I never want to lose that suprise and wonder to be honest.
Long answer short...yes I did feel like that at the beginning...and even up to eleven months out.
Steph xx

 

[emma-louise]

thanks steph xxx

 

[Zionaka]

beautiful post is all I can say.

 

[BandyEmm]

What a lovely thread, xx

 

[StephieAck]

Thanks guys xx
I was out shopping today and I had on my usual slimming underwear (Esbelt Slimming Vest...expensive but soooooo worth it...basically just holds the loose skin in and shows your real figure) and found myself holding my tummy in and I laughed and said to hubby "I dont know why Im doing that, I dont need to do that without this thing on never mind with it" lol
I LOVE this weight loss malarky hehe
Steph xx

P.S it thrills me so much because I have always been all belly, Im apple shaped and my tummy was HUGE!