Debs!
Active Member
Catchy title eh?!?
I am indulging myself with a pre op diary. I suggest potential readers skip this as it's bound to be either boring or a some what depressing series of moans by me as I crawl towards my sleeve!
I am person with a facade of confidence which masks low self esteem and I use food as a crutch/weapon/shield. I am the one who tells the jokes, who can be loud and appears confident and the one who mercilessly pokes fun at herself. The 'fat jester' would be an unkind but accurate label.
I am now 47 years old and allowed my self abuse with food to turn to self loathing whilst always maintaining that fat, funny and fabulous facade! If only people knew....
Journey so far?
Well I got very big back in 1989 after I got married aged 21 and the marriage failed very quickly - a matter of weeks. Never really got a grip of dieting in a sustained way. Yes I went to slimmers world and had a card filled with shiny sevens and yes I went to weightwatchers and got a key fob, and certificate to say I was at goal with lots of 'well-done'. Didn't fix my head and I ate my way back to the start weight and more each time.
Losing weight is a very public thing - you cannot hide the losses and gains. Great on the way down - taking your ill fitting clothes to the charity shop or passing them on to your friends who remain a little larger. Fairly awful when you wished you'd kept that big coat and work suits as you gallop back up the scales spending £££'s to lose and £££s more as you gain!!
In 2012 my GP referred me to a Tier 3 multi discipline team in South Yardley, Birmingham. I saw a dietician, doctor and psychologist each month for just over 2 years. With a BMI of 41 my local PCT (Worcester) would not fund WLS as they imposed as BMI of 55 for funding.
My current medical conditions are PCOS (but baby via self funded ICSI 16 years ago so happy with that); chronic back pain following fracture coccyx, fibromyalgia, GERD, insulin resistant/pre diabetic, hypertension and vulvodynia - a joyous mix eh??!
My luck changed when NICE changed the guidance in 2013 which led to funding not being PCT controlled but being paid for by NHS England. The Tier 3 team agreed I was suitable for WLS back in September 2014 and referred me to Walsall Manor Hospital - initially my referral was lost - so I did not hear from them till January 2015.
I saw the first round of people there on the 23/1/15. I then had appointments for the Surgeon and Psychologist for April 2015 - but rang on the off chance of a cancellation and due to a threat of snow they had cancellations for the next day so I was able to see both those guys on the 30/1/15. It was a minor miracle.
I now have a group session focussing on liver shrinking diet and post op diet, a pre op with the nurse and the pre op with the Anesthetist - all in March and then as long as they say I am ok – with luck, I will be listed for surgery - waiting list permitting it could be as early as April-May.
I have opted for the sleeve. I spent years researching and I feel this is the right decision for me - I am acutely aware that everyone is different and I would never knock another's choice. I just feel this, whilst not necessarily being the 'gold standard' will give me an outcome which will transform my life.
Of course I am scared. You'd have to be fairly unusual to not be scared of cutting out 75% of your stomach on a forever basis! But I am also excited and looking forward to being kinder to myself at long last.
I really hope I do not muck this lifeline up!
I am indulging myself with a pre op diary. I suggest potential readers skip this as it's bound to be either boring or a some what depressing series of moans by me as I crawl towards my sleeve!
I am person with a facade of confidence which masks low self esteem and I use food as a crutch/weapon/shield. I am the one who tells the jokes, who can be loud and appears confident and the one who mercilessly pokes fun at herself. The 'fat jester' would be an unkind but accurate label.
I am now 47 years old and allowed my self abuse with food to turn to self loathing whilst always maintaining that fat, funny and fabulous facade! If only people knew....
Journey so far?
Well I got very big back in 1989 after I got married aged 21 and the marriage failed very quickly - a matter of weeks. Never really got a grip of dieting in a sustained way. Yes I went to slimmers world and had a card filled with shiny sevens and yes I went to weightwatchers and got a key fob, and certificate to say I was at goal with lots of 'well-done'. Didn't fix my head and I ate my way back to the start weight and more each time.
Losing weight is a very public thing - you cannot hide the losses and gains. Great on the way down - taking your ill fitting clothes to the charity shop or passing them on to your friends who remain a little larger. Fairly awful when you wished you'd kept that big coat and work suits as you gallop back up the scales spending £££'s to lose and £££s more as you gain!!
In 2012 my GP referred me to a Tier 3 multi discipline team in South Yardley, Birmingham. I saw a dietician, doctor and psychologist each month for just over 2 years. With a BMI of 41 my local PCT (Worcester) would not fund WLS as they imposed as BMI of 55 for funding.
My current medical conditions are PCOS (but baby via self funded ICSI 16 years ago so happy with that); chronic back pain following fracture coccyx, fibromyalgia, GERD, insulin resistant/pre diabetic, hypertension and vulvodynia - a joyous mix eh??!
My luck changed when NICE changed the guidance in 2013 which led to funding not being PCT controlled but being paid for by NHS England. The Tier 3 team agreed I was suitable for WLS back in September 2014 and referred me to Walsall Manor Hospital - initially my referral was lost - so I did not hear from them till January 2015.
I saw the first round of people there on the 23/1/15. I then had appointments for the Surgeon and Psychologist for April 2015 - but rang on the off chance of a cancellation and due to a threat of snow they had cancellations for the next day so I was able to see both those guys on the 30/1/15. It was a minor miracle.
I now have a group session focussing on liver shrinking diet and post op diet, a pre op with the nurse and the pre op with the Anesthetist - all in March and then as long as they say I am ok – with luck, I will be listed for surgery - waiting list permitting it could be as early as April-May.
I have opted for the sleeve. I spent years researching and I feel this is the right decision for me - I am acutely aware that everyone is different and I would never knock another's choice. I just feel this, whilst not necessarily being the 'gold standard' will give me an outcome which will transform my life.
Of course I am scared. You'd have to be fairly unusual to not be scared of cutting out 75% of your stomach on a forever basis! But I am also excited and looking forward to being kinder to myself at long last.
I really hope I do not muck this lifeline up!
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