Did a bad thing, approached a woman in the mall

[Tyraboots]

I have absolutely no idea why I did it. So totally out of character for me. She must have weighed 30 stone. I just saw her in the Mall, walking along with her partner. He immediately walked away leaving her alone with me. I just said I had had a bypass and said she shouldnconsider one too!!! I am so totally ashamed of myself. She took it relatively well, in that she disn't scream at me or tell me to go away, she was hiding her annoyance though,she looked so laboured and so close to death really, just wanted to pluck her from the path she is on, the path I was on. Bypass is the answer for a lot of people.
I know approaching her was the wrong thing too so, but I felt this gut wrenching compulsion to do it. Has any bypasses ever felt or done the same?

 

[lotsabeefy]

oh wow, I know how it must have felt for you to see someone and know you had the key to make her life better, But i remember the looks and double glances and the feeling of being in public at that size. I would have died if someone came and said that to me but i understand your compulsion to try to help her xx

 

[Katkit1]

I would be to embarrased to say anything in case she or her hubby ranted at me!

I know when you see people that are very large - you know what could help them; but I guess its up to them to find out just how we had!

I had never heard of wls before I found this site. I was just looking into different hospitals and surgeons etc; and clicked on here by mistake!

Glad I did though peeps x I`d miss you lot otherwise. x




Love Kat x

 

[cherry]

o my.... im speechless..... i completly understand why you approached her and can see why you did, its very difficult seeing someone in the same situation were in, when we believe that we know and have the answer that could solve her problem.... but sweets, please dont be mad at me for saying this, surgery isnt the answer for everyone, wether your 30 stone or 50, and to be honest she was prob mortified that you went upto her and said it, and took what you were saying gracefully, but was prob dying inside.....

now me, if i knew someone or got chatting to some who had a weight prob i would tell them about my surgery and how well it worked for ME but i would only say that and what its done for me, id never say oooo its a must for you!..... because it might be the worst thing ever for them..

actually its interesting you ve said this as ive a friend whos very over weight she weighs around 18 stone, she s got a infected gall bladder and the docs are on her case about her weight, i found myself preaching about wls to her, and she stopped me right in my tracks and said simply, 'kelly its not for me' its hard hey when we think its a dream come to, the reality is its someone elses nightmare....

and i can imagine ( when ive lost weight in the past, ive been guilty of this!) that sometimes when they ve lost alot of weight can become abit 'know it all' and feel they have the right answers on how they can help someone when in fact what you ve prob done is send that person running home to a cream cake.... eeeek, i know you felt like you were helping but maybe next time, id try hold back, unless the convo progresses onto surgery and they willingly want the info on it...

hope i havent offended you sweets, its just my opinion xxxxx

 

[lotsabeefy]

Funny you should mention your friend Kelly , i also asked my friend if she would consider it, She went Ballistic and said i thought i was better than her now cos i was thinner took her ages to get over it x

 

[cherry]

yeh thats how my convo started to get with my friend and i kinda had to step back and think god your 'patronising cow' she doesnt want surgery eeeek its very hard to not start preaching about it, because we just simply cant believe were lucky to get this op.. its hard, i would gladly give info if someone wanted it and it was brought up in convo....

you are brave tho haha id have been worried at her going in a rage at me xx

 

[ravelling]

I understand your motivation, really, I do. I'm quite happy for everyone to see how my bypass has changed my life for the better. There's a real temptation to be evangelical about weight loss surgery in general.

However, I can remember how I felt when people brought up the subject of diets, weightloss and how I felt when people felt they could comment on my size - so I know I would never approach someone like that.
I hope that I always remember what it felt like, emotionally, to be morbidly obese and use that memory to be sensitive and positive, but to share the message when someone else asks to hear about it

 

[claudia24]

there is a polish girl at my work and she is i can only describe it as HUGE and i would never mean that in a bad way as i have been a size 32, now this girl i think she is bigger than a 32 and she wears stretchy top but stretchy as were the material sticks to her and her jeans dont fit over her bum/belly, i have wanted to tell her about my surgery (only certain ppl know) and how much it has helped me, as she is going to start trying for a baby soon as her daughter has just turned 1, but she was that big no one believe she was pregnant, but i feel if i tell her i would deeply offened her and she would be upset because we all know ourselves how hurtful it is when ppl talk about our weight, and personally i would have hated for someone to recommend wls to me.

but on that note i understand why you said something and u never know she might look it up and it may change her life. xxxx

 

[dottychic]

I completely understand why you said it too. Every time I see someone struggling to walk or breathe because of their weight I want to tell them about weightloss surgery but I have to stop myself. I would deffinately get talking to someone and then tell them about it, I did this with a hairdresser who works in the salon where I go. Shes a big girl and was really interested but I didnt say she should do it I just told her how I went about getting my surgery. It is really hard not to tell people about it though so I do understand why you did it. Be careful though as a smack in the mouth often offends lol.... XX

 

[Bev]

Awww precious, you meant really well... and if it had been me I'd have grasped you with both hands I'm sure and said ''point me in the right direction''.

It's difficult sometimes... I have a school friend and she is coming up to retirement and currently really unwell with one problem and another including diabetes. Every time we meet I come home and feel like crying because I can see her going down and down and I wonder where it is going to stop... I can imagine... possibly a short retirement.

She is around 25st at present and really struggling with back pain and arthritis setting in, it catches up in later years more quickly for some of us...

I told my friend before xmas that I was having wls... and she was really astounded with me... she wished me well, we've known each other for over 55 years so know each other well... but she confided in me and said the following...

'I am afraid to have this surgery... knowing my luck I'll be the one who it all goes wrong for and I'd rather have the body that I have than risk it'... and that was the end of that.

As painful as it feels, I just reel back and respect how she is feeling but inside I would have loved to have reached her, but I know if she says 'no' she means it and very often she can become very complacent about her prospects... and it's hard. I tell her about where I am up to and we leave her out of it now.. my friend is coming to see me pre surgery, but doesn't like the thought of it in any shape or form for herself.... so that is that and it's up to her. Wls isn't for everyone and works best I'm told when you work with it.

On the other hand... I was sitting in Blackpool town centre waiting for my family to come out of a shop and a larger lady sat with me and we had a great old natter about wls and as she parted... she was going off to see her GP... so it's difficult... she raised wls with me, so I wondered what she had thought when she saw me, but took it in good part, because I have had done such a lot of research on the subject of wls.

Sometimes we can meet a stranger and both our worlds can change... sometimes we can know people all of our lives and our perspective on our weight is so different despite knowing each other so well...

I would say... we can only do our best as we feel at the time and I think you did....


Love and hugs everyone xxx

 

[TessG]

I can understand why you did it but....

Have you ever had a friend who is a recovering alcoholic? One of those ones who watches every drink you put in your mouth and tells you, you have a problem? Its a real pain up the backside!!! Especially if you watch what you eat and drink 99% of the time and only drink while out with friends.

What i'm saying (very badly), is this woman will know that she is fat, will beat herself up every day, at 30 stone will have considered surgery, and you probably kicked her while she was already down!

Don't become one of those people who is always out to 'save' someone.

(I'm not trying to do down any recovering alcoholics. You should be very very proud of what you have achieved!!!)

 

[gaelic girl]

Your'e heart was in the right place hun and i can see why you did it too but to be honest i would have been very hurt and embarrassed if I was that lady. I find myself looking at heavier people now and find myself wishing them the luck that I found in my bypass but I could never approach them. No offence hun cause I know you were acting out of kindness xx

 

[ladylite]

I dont think you did a bad thing at all. All you did was to try and save that ladies life. Sometimes tough love is the best thing.

I know how you feel, I am so happy with what has happened to me that I want to run up to all the overweight, struggling people and tell them to go and have it done, but I do stop myself, just because I am not as brave as you and knowing my luck would probably get a punch on the nose:8855:

Basically she is a eatholic, so am I and recovering eataholic but I have my surgery to help me through.

I have recommended this op to two people, one had it done, not because of me she had been thinking of surgery and saw my facebook pictures and asked what I had done and I just gave her all the facts. I am sure she wont mind me saying but it is HSMEL on here and I know it worked out great for her and she is over the moon.

I do have another friend who desperately needs to do something about her obesity as she is super morbidly overweight, and I have to be more gentle with her, but I am working on it. She is the type who wont be pushed.

Anyway as I said at the beginning I dont think you have done anything bad, you never know she may have gone home and looked on the internet to find out more. If as you said she was about 30 stone, she was super morbidly obese, and your suggestion may save her life.

I suppose some times it could be inappropriate but you had good intentions, you will never know but one day she may come up to you in the shopping centre slim and thank you.

PS Mind you I wouldnt recommend you do it to often..... LOL xx

 

[Stellap]

I can understand why you did it and your motivation for wanting to help her but I found it very hurtful when big that total strangers felt they were entitled to comment on my size and swore I wouldn't do it if I lost weight. It's different if you are close and know their situation but not strangers where you don't know what's going on in their lives or medical history. If someone asks my advice then I will give it gladly. Hopefully the lady didn't take offence but we have to take care not to become sanctimonious - your heart was in the right place tho so hope I haven't offended you with my response

 

[BlueDiamond]

I can understand why you did it but....

Have you ever had a friend who is a recovering alcoholic? One of those ones who watches every drink you put in your mouth and tells you, you have a problem? Its a real pain up the backside!!! Especially if you watch what you eat and drink 99% of the time and only drink while out with friends.

What i'm saying (very badly), is this woman will know that she is fat, will beat herself up every day, at 30 stone will have considered surgery, and you probably kicked her while she was already down!

Don't become one of those people who is always out to 'save' someone.

(I'm not trying to do down any recovering alcoholics. You should be very very proud of what you have achieved!!!)

I agree, tbh if you had done this too me I probably wouldnt have as gracious as the woman in question, it was bad enough when I was @ my heaviest thinking ppl was looking at me and making remarks/comments, so god knows how I would have reacted if someone had come up too me and suggested surgery, probably would have felt like a slap in the face but your heart was in the right place tho . All the best - MeJulie xx

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Oh bless you... I can completely understand why you did it & its hard to remember how we would have felt pre surgery if someone had said it to us... hugs hun & don't beat yourself up. xx

 

[Solga]

If I was that women I would thank you (I found out about this surgery accidently) and I hope it was the last push for her to start actually doing something about her weight. Well done xx

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Comfort yourself with the thought she may go home and ring her doc for an appointment about wls,or join a slimming club.She may of cried and raged about the cheek of THAT woman,then sat and thought about it a bit more.Maz x

 

[Grace]

I think what you did was kind and couageous. You weren't criticising her weight; you saw someone in trouble, in the same place you've been, and you wanted to pull her out of it and to a better place, a place of hope.

What she makes of it is up to her. No doubt she's had plenty of name-calling, criticism, nasty comments and dodgy looks. That wasn't where you were coming from. let's hope she gets that and helps herself.
I've wanted to do this loads of times since I had my surgery, and spent a few hours Christmas Eve night with a dear friend who has a weight problem. I talked to her about my surgery, but she didn't eally want to know. The one really telling comment she made was,
"don't you miss all the lovely food?"
Sadly some people aren't ready or able, for this reason and many others, to make the life-changing decision to have WLS. Sad but true. But I completely understand why you tried.
Hugs
Grace xxx

 

[keeley86]

You may have just saved her life... Because alot of ppl dnt know about wls surgery on the Nhs and would never dream of looking into it either because of there lack of funds, like me I only learned about it because of my ilness and it being my last option b4 going blind.

Personaly at 24 st now, if sum1 stopped me in the shop like that I would have gone bright red with embarresment but then thinking about it when I get home I would be thanking that person for pointing me in the right direction.

You never know she may be on here in a couple of days looking for answers x