quetiapina
Bumps along somehow
Hi everyone. Well, I've been pretty down the last few days and I feel I need to explain why.
Brief History: Well, I've had bipolar disorder since I was an adolescent. I had my son very young and then went to Uni and became a qualified teacher. I worked in teaching for 11 years and during this time I did a Masters and a Post Grad counselling qual. I was by this time in a difficult relationship but have always been v close to my son ( although obviously I made mistakes etc).
I was diagnosed with Bipolar when I was 26 (it takes several years for a definitive diagnosis to be made in psychiatry - trial and error I think) and I refused medication as I was scared of it. I spent a lot of time keeping the mask up and pretending to be well - I got promoted a lot in my job - which was to teach kids with severe behaviour problems and to teach other teachers how to cope with them as well. I loved this job and was good at it - mainly because I had been a deeply troubled teen myself.
Well, about 6 years ago, my illness (untreated so made everything worse) blew up in spectacular fashion and I was hospitalized for a long time and put on any number of different combinations of medications until one combination was found that seems to work (took 3 years to get to this point). I was medically retired from work and now have a nurse who visits weekly.
Now: The reason I always make a big deal about my job and my qualifications is because having a mental illness strips you of everything. My uncle is a qualified surgeon but became unwell and so hasn't been able to work since early '70's. He is just known as Mad Mike. When you have a mental illness, people seem to just assume that you are just a mad, embarrassing strain on society and to be feared.
The people I used to work with now avoid me in the street and even people I would have called "friends" in work don't call anymore and pretend they don't see me when I am in town. Some even hurrying away.
Funnily enough, the only people who do make an effort are those kids ( now adult) I used to teach - and they were considered to be hopeless cases 'cos of their behaviour probs!
There is supposed to be a family gathering in September - extended family, cousins, that sort of thing. I won't be going though because last time I did and I tried to explain why I was no longer working AS SOON as I mentioned bipolar, the conversation would stop dead in the water. My cousins even kept their kids away from me.
My immediate family are great - my sisters in particular. My brother and parents found it a lot harder but have really tried, although my Mum finds it very hard to talk about as it is on her side of the family the faulty genes stem from and she feels guilty.
I sometimes just wish that people would ask, show interest instead of ignoring "the elephant in the room"so I could explain about Bipolar disorder and so I'm not seen as such a huge fat freak.:cry:
Brief History: Well, I've had bipolar disorder since I was an adolescent. I had my son very young and then went to Uni and became a qualified teacher. I worked in teaching for 11 years and during this time I did a Masters and a Post Grad counselling qual. I was by this time in a difficult relationship but have always been v close to my son ( although obviously I made mistakes etc).
I was diagnosed with Bipolar when I was 26 (it takes several years for a definitive diagnosis to be made in psychiatry - trial and error I think) and I refused medication as I was scared of it. I spent a lot of time keeping the mask up and pretending to be well - I got promoted a lot in my job - which was to teach kids with severe behaviour problems and to teach other teachers how to cope with them as well. I loved this job and was good at it - mainly because I had been a deeply troubled teen myself.
Well, about 6 years ago, my illness (untreated so made everything worse) blew up in spectacular fashion and I was hospitalized for a long time and put on any number of different combinations of medications until one combination was found that seems to work (took 3 years to get to this point). I was medically retired from work and now have a nurse who visits weekly.
Now: The reason I always make a big deal about my job and my qualifications is because having a mental illness strips you of everything. My uncle is a qualified surgeon but became unwell and so hasn't been able to work since early '70's. He is just known as Mad Mike. When you have a mental illness, people seem to just assume that you are just a mad, embarrassing strain on society and to be feared.
The people I used to work with now avoid me in the street and even people I would have called "friends" in work don't call anymore and pretend they don't see me when I am in town. Some even hurrying away.
Funnily enough, the only people who do make an effort are those kids ( now adult) I used to teach - and they were considered to be hopeless cases 'cos of their behaviour probs!
There is supposed to be a family gathering in September - extended family, cousins, that sort of thing. I won't be going though because last time I did and I tried to explain why I was no longer working AS SOON as I mentioned bipolar, the conversation would stop dead in the water. My cousins even kept their kids away from me.
My immediate family are great - my sisters in particular. My brother and parents found it a lot harder but have really tried, although my Mum finds it very hard to talk about as it is on her side of the family the faulty genes stem from and she feels guilty.
I sometimes just wish that people would ask, show interest instead of ignoring "the elephant in the room"so I could explain about Bipolar disorder and so I'm not seen as such a huge fat freak.:cry:
