First lie

[Beegee]

Other than you lovely people and my doctors there are only 4 people that know about my decision to have a bypass in October... I have ummed and ahhed about whether to keep it a secret or go public.. however, after reading the threads on here I decided to keep it to myself. Today was the first lie I have had to tell and am feeling bad about it.. You see I have been invited to a wedding one week post-op. I know the couple are on a very tight budget so I didn't want them to pay for a meal for my son and I when I will still be on liquids... I told them we couldn't make the day but could be there in the evening. I feel sad to miss the whole day but also that I have lied to someone..:wave_cry:

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

I understand. I had a second procedure done at the same time as my bypass which needed me on a liquid diet also. So I guess I was lucky in that respect. I've now started to 'come out' a bit about my surgery - some people now know I had some work done on my stomach but I don't use the word bypass. Would you consider telling people you've had gastric/abdominal surgery. Then part of me also thinks why do we have to justify not eating solid food so with that hat on I think just to say you won't be eating a meal is sufficient if you feel bad about them paying but you not eating - in the total cost of an average wedding what is one uneaten meal in the big scheme of things so maybe you should say nothing and just play with your food. Whatever you decide, is the right thing for you hun. Oh, and well done on making the decision to get replumbed. You won't regret it. You have a long journey ahead of you before the deed is done. Be strong and empowered. Put yourself first xxx

 

[lyturt]

I only told my immediate family as I felt when I had my band done that I had to justify myself and got sick of people saying I was fine as I was and when I had problems with the band and had to have it deflated felt a failure after all my failed diets another one. I am doing ok with my bypass and feel confident now to tell people. You are very nice to think about your friend and the cost but I think lilacglttergirl has a point that in the scheme of things your friend wants you there so go enjoy your day

 

[penelope1008]

Only you can decide who & what you tell people but I think if you explained things to your friend in confidence she would be understanding & supportive. It's her special day & you & your son are 2 of the special people she wants to share as much of that day as possible with.
If you don't tell her exactly what you're having done say that you're having a procedure then that would mean a special liquid diet for a while after it. Take some homemade safe protein shakes with you & sip sip sip.
God forbid the surgery is delayed for whatever reason you could have said no for no reason. There are ways around this with a little fore thought & subtle bending of the truth without lying & feeling bad. The old saying that starts when first we practice to deceive ...... Comes to mind & you have to be comfortable with your choices about who & what you say things to. Would you & your friend be more upset about missing her special day or her knowing why you can't eat one meal?
Best wishes with your decision & your op.

 

[ThinnerJemima]

Don't miss out on your friends special day. Push food around your plate and put some your son's plate to spread the load. Maybe refuse desert straight out 'as you are on a diet'

That's my twopenneth worth

 

[Beegee]

All good advice ..but I have already told her ..can't undo now. And besides it's 6 days post op so I maybe too unwell to attend anyway.

Perhaps I should have posed the question of what to do here first...

 

[penelope1008]

It's never to late to change your mind, depending on how you feel about telling your friend. Only you can decide what is best for you.

 

[slaz]

BeeGee, don't be hard on yourself, you haven't told a lie, you have just said that you can't make it, you haven't said why. If she should ask you could tell her that you are having surgery and don't think you will be up to eating a full meal so soon after.

 

[JoJoTGirl]

I went to a wedding 5 weeks post op at the spft stage and that was hard enough. It's not just the people you know but all the people you don't! You have to do what you think is best, don't beat yourself up, maybe one day you will have the courage to explain what you did and why and maybe that friend will be proud of you for taking the plunge and making the changes and getting healthy!
Best of luck hun. x