Guilt

[Serapis Bey]

I start my pre-op diet today. My op will be in exactly 10 days time. I'm not really nervous, but I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt.

My family (siblings & parents) are sooo worried, they've read a lot of horror stories about people dying as a result of the bypass.

I most concerned about my parents, they're both old & I dont think they would cope if anything happened to me.

I'm in tears now thinking about them. Im not scared of my death at all and have a strong belief in the afterlife, I just dont want to inflict pain on my parents.

I do so badly want this bypass, but am scared about the impact on others if anything goes wrong.

Did anyone else go though this feeling before their operations?

I feel like telling them it's been postponed and having the operation without telling them. The problem is I'm single and will be going to my mums house to recuperate for a week or 2 after the op.

Oh I dont know

 

[janelouise]

Oh hunny I went through the same feelings it's quiet normal to have these feelings.
All I can do is send you huggs and try and keep positive xx
Good luck Hun xxx

 

[keeley86]

hey hun - i think its just one of them things - im sure i will be feeling the same so close to surgery but i think about it like this... if you dont have surgery and stay fat you may still die before your parents anyway with a heart attack or something along them lines. how i say it.......
Get Thin or Die Trying!!!

im possative you will be absolutley fine tho. the good stories about a bypass are rarely known about because theres no news without a story - the rags cant print the same happy story every week so they focus on the bad stories!

wishing you all the best for your surgery and youll look back at this thread when your sat on that loosers bench and think im glad i did it! xxx

 

[zns]

The issue is that they only hear about the people that have negative experiences, there are 100's of people every month that have good ones but those people arent in news papers etc as it isnt sensationalist so doesnt sell papers.

The risks are the same as a gall bladder operation, I bet they wouldnt worry so much about it if it was that you were having? Perhaps putting the risks into perspective for them might help. Also the risk of you staying overweight and putting more weight on will mean your life is shorter, loosing weight via the op is a life line. Im sure you know all that but it might help telling your family these things?

Its natural to worry about it its scary. But it will be fine. It wont be nice for a week or so but in a few weeks it will all be over x

 

[dawny]

i agree with keeley and zoe, the risks are actually very small, and to me, i would list this op as a life saving one, as that is literally what its going to do, its going to prolong your life, and make your quality of life a lot better. it is natural to be worried, and you wouldnt be normal if you werent worried about it, but you will be fine. big hugs and good luck for a pain free recovery. hugs xx

 

[phatmomma]

Emm you are perfectly normal, my children asked me numerous times if i could die from the surgery and i told them no, because i have utmost faith in my surgeon.

Follow the pre op diet, if you can try and do at least 30 minutes walking each day (i know you don't have long till your op but it all helps) and above all, show your parents this site. Show them all of the successful bypassers on here and how their lives have changed.

As Keeley says, if you don't have surgery you have the following forthcoming events to look forward to if you don't have them already: heart disease, diabetes (which can lead to amputations, (liver/kidney problems), sleep apnoea, lots of weight related illness). Now is your chance to regain a life which will no longer be ruled by food. Yesterday i went to a wedding, pre op i'd have been thinking about the food, post op i'm thinking about what i'm going to wear and hoping the girls will be dancing cos i want to dance all night xx

 

[Bev]

Angel, I was feeling as you are in so many ways.

I'm a month post op and feeling so much better.

5 weeks ago I was on the wrong side of diabetes, with no feeling in my legs and feet... had cancer last year, could hardly bear my own weight with my spinal spondylitis and I have Meniere's disease which affects my balance.

I was fast feeling my life fading away and my family were worried about me going for the op.

Now, I'm turning myself around and feeling so much better a couple of weeks or recuperation and learning what suits my new plumbing best and I'm on my way.

It's not the easiest option, but it can prevent so many other health issues and help.

Our wls relies upon us to change our eating habits and to become more health conscious... and I'm enjoying watching my blood pressure, blood sugar and weightloss and for me, and I can only speak for myself, it is the best thing I have ever done.

If you need support with your pre op diet or need any of us, we are here for you.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[nothing to like anymore]

Oh bless ya.

I had my op 2 weeks ago 2moro and I had all the same feelings as you are having. All you feel is perfectly naturally. I even got very angry (not with others) with me. I hated myself for being so stupid and getting fat. I was worried that if I died my 5 year old would hate me. That she would think "why did my mummy do that".

I logged all my thoughts on here and with every bodies kind words I found comfort in the fact that I was doing something really brave. I was making a positive change. And I also knew that if I didn't I would not live a long life anyway, and that would be no good for any of my family.

Try to focus on why you initially wanted the bypass, talk to someone (even if that's on here) cos sometimes when we keep things bottled up our minds have a tendency to run away and our thoughts spiral out of control.

Do all you can to prepare yourself physically and mentally. I'm a firm believe in positive afirmations cos I know if I'm not positive and I start off the day with bad thoughts about one thing before I know it the whole day is bad. Tell your self you are doing the right thing for everyone. Think of all the positives after your surgery, and believe me there are many.

Talk your fears thru with your anethetist who will put your mind at rest. Then sit back relax and go with the flow.

Sending all my love & best wishes claire x x x x x

 

[Serapis Bey]

Thank you all for your messages, I feel much better now.
I spoke to my mum today & explained why I want the surgery. She surprised me and said although she's a bit scared, she is glad I'm having it because I haven't had a life for the last few years due to my weight. She said she's told my siblings to stop discouraging me and said she has faith in the surgeons (she used to be a nurse.)

Thank you all again. I will keep you updated on my progress. xxx

 

[donnaahmadyfar]

I had my surgery on 15 feb this year just two weeks ago and i was the same as you i was terrified of leaving my family behind but after having the surgery and everything i realised i had been worrying about nothing but i think its only natural to feel that way i wanted the op so bad and didnt feel i had the strength to actually go through with it my dad was in tears and i was crying all the time for 3 weeks to be honest i cried and worried everyday from the day i found out my surgery date hope you can get through this

 

[yummymummytobe]

well i can honestly say my mum was the one that tried her upmost to talk me out of having my surgery in jan thisyear but as i explained to her it was something that i needed to do for myself.... yes i felt the exact same way you did but i trusted my surgeon to bring me out the side & here i am 6 weeks post op not regretting a single thing. hope everything goes well for you xxx