Had Enough of life

[deepblue]

I dont know what to do I feel like the biggest idiot and a complete waste of space.

I know that I dont know anyone on this site and that people may read this and think I have let myself down and that maybe someone else should have had my Gastric Bypass as I have thrown it away big time.

Let me give you my background at first the bariatric team did not want to know me as I had sufferd from binge eating dissorder and bipollar for at least 10 years this had helped me gain an overall bulk off 30 stone but over a two year period my life took a good turn and through various diffrent treatments and help I got my eating to a point where they aproved me for surgery I finally had it in june

up untill three weeks ago I was doing well eating what I was told and going to all appointments but in the background things were falling appart my wife had a break down and lost her job me and her nearly split then I found out for the last couple of years she had run up a lot of debt that is going to screw us up for a long time then my oldest sun was diagnosed with aspergers (We had know something was diffrent but did not expect that) then my sister had a cancer scare (Still going through the tests) on top of that we found out my brother was a drug addict and my other family members fell out with me and I then in turn fell out with my in-laws so no one is speaking to us
Now I know your maybe thinking boo hoo bad things happen but I dont want you to feel sorry for me maybe I deserve what is happening but I feel guilty for the fact I have started eating again I seem to have no restriction and I am back eating everything I did before infact yesterday was about the same as my appetite was before the gastric bypass.

I am sorry to post this but as trying to get an appointment with my bariatric team is like asking for gold and the fact I have no one else to talk to I had to put this somewhere before I burst

 

[zns]

Have you spoken to your GP about this or the mental health team if you are under one for youe bipolar disorder? x

 

[Bev]

Hi there,

I would start by taking a look at what you can do for you in the first instance and the gateway has to be via your GP if your bariatric resource is difficult to access...

Don't think of giving up you are made of tougher stuff than that!

A lot of the stuff going on around is unrelated to you ultimately and beyond your control, so work out what you can effectively change and what you cannot and prioritorise. It is important that you keep in touch with your CPN or other and keep abreast of your bi polar meds... how are you getting on with these post op?

Write lists of your concerns and you may see them more clearly, similarly keep a diary of what you are eating and drink more water... everyone has their ups and downs and don't feel on your own.

It's hard to move mountains so just take a manageable chunk and work with it...

Having gone through all that you have gone through plus surgery... you have a lot to gain in terms of confidence and a lot to lose in weight.

Don't give up, we meet many challenges on our WLS journeys and we don't give up on here, we just go in for a rugby scrum together and we get through...

Are you anywhere near any of our WLS family up there in Livingston and are you connecting with group meetings post surgery?

Sending love, hugs and hope!

Bev xxx

 

[ladylite]

Oh dear, firstly you are not a failure. Having all those problems all in one go would not help anyone, you are probably a saint to still be standing.

If it makes you feel better I have just had a really bad week and was very worried as I thought I was on the slippery slope again.

Dont beat yourself up, you just need to take some control, as you sound a wee bit out of control at the moment. So just stop. Before you eat write it down and also write down why you are eating. Are you really hungry or is it head hunger. If so have a drink of water and wait.

Its sad that we are given the feeling that this op is the answer to everything, but you have to put a bit of effort in, which you can do. You have done it before.

Please dont worry about anything and come on here for back up.

Good luck mate and I hope some of the things going on turn round for you. xx

 

[lotsabeefy]

Hi mate, Sorry I cant offer any advice to you but didn't want to read and run xx

 

[cherry]

Hey sweetpea, i will start my post with a ((hug)), please please NEVER call yourself an idiot and a waste of space those are extremely harsh words and never in a million years are you these things!......

you have alot on your plate at the minute to say the least, to much for one person to try and deal with this is why you ve resulted to feeling like you do, what i would do is sit there and mentally or physically write down everything that is worrying you and say to yourself ' can i resolve this' if its a no then im afraid your gonna have to try and forget or deal with it in a way where its not going to mentally drain you, i to have had to do this to myself many times as im a terrible worrier.... your son im so sorry to hear he has aspergers, i to very recently went through tests with my son for autism, i worried myself sick, and where it kept me up at night, but in the end i thought, what the hell can i do about it?! if he has it then he has it there s nothing i can do, so i would try and chill out about your son, very easy said than done, but sweets nothing you can do or sleepless nights will change that condition, just go with the flow so to speak he will get there and now its diagnosed he will get all the care and treatment he needs to help him come to terms with his condition very hard as a parent to hear anything wrong with your child...

your wife, again you couldnt write this, i have been through this to, i now manage all our fiances and hubbi has nothing to do with it due to him being terrible with money whats done is done and maybe you can both sit and talk about why she lied and did why she did it, and when your happy with her explanation maybe book an appointment with citezens advice, always nice to hear non impartial advice and they will sort it out with you so try try not to lose to much sleep over it... i know its hard tho.....very hard, and i do know how your feeling...

your brother, there is only so much you can do, if you ve offered a helping hand and he s unwilling to take it, for your own state of mind your going to have to take a step back, you have enough on your plate with your wife and son, he s a grown man let another family member take over if they can or you deal with your family and NUMBER ONE which is YOU....

its not much help ive given, but never call yourself an idiot... please its so so harsh, i feel you ve been far far to strong for to long, its YOUR time now think about you n get yourself back on track, you will get there

xxxxxxxx

 

[deepblue]

Thanks guys the kind words mean a lot the end of the day I know I will get through it I am just worried I am doing damage to my pouch with all I have eaten in the last few weeks.

I have decided to see my gp in the morning not that he is much help but its a starting point

 

[dottychic]

Please accept a massive (HUG) from me.......Im so sorry you are struggling at the moment. Please dont talk of giving in, we have to keep carrying on and if it goes wrong we try again. This road we have chosen isnt an easy one, you have had it harder than most by the sounds of it but you can do it. Keep trying to contact your team and in the meantime try and reign in your eating, you know what you are doing wrong and thats the first step. We are all willing you on to succeed XXXX

 

[deepblue]

Thanks Kelly,

I Think what hit me so hard with my son was the years of being blamed for his behaviour I was made goto parenting groups told I must be doing something after all I had mental health problems so it must have been me to finaly find out there was a reasson for the things he did was a weight off my mind but still stung because in some way I wished it was my fault because then things could have changed for him

With the debts thanks for the advice I will give the C.A a phone after Christmas I need to keep the debt collecters away from the door till then as she has used her credit card for few of the kids gifts I want to make sure I pay them before her debt catches up and they try and take the things back

My brother has shocked me allways had the perfect life top of the range everything allways had the girls falling at his feet to see him now is heart breaking I was at his flat today and he has sold everything I want to help him but its hard to do when you visit and you have to watch for needles

But honestly thanks for the kind words its apreaciated

 

[deepblue]

Please accept a massive (HUG) from me.......Im so sorry you are struggling at the moment. Please dont talk of giving in, we have to keep carrying on and if it goes wrong we try again. This road we have chosen isnt an easy one, you have had it harder than most by the sounds of it but you can do it. Keep trying to contact your team and in the meantime try and reign in your eating, you know what you are doing wrong and thats the first step. We are all willing you on to succeed XXXX

Thanks I am glad I posted for once in the past few days I dont feel so alone

 

[gaelic girl]

Hi please don't feel a failure! As we all recognise our stomachs have been altered but our brains still think the same .So we are still in built in reaching for food as a comfort in times of stress! You have hell of a lot going on, so firstly take a step back briefly, a big deep breath and work out what your priority is and concentrate on what YOU CAN do something about as opposed to what YOU CAN'T. There are plenty of debt management companies out there who will arrange to manage your creditors for you and arrange a payment based on what you can afford to pay. CBA do this for free. Your son will get plenty of help as there are brilliant organisiations specialising in Aspergers and Autism and there are great support groups for parents too, Ask your local health centre or social work department they should have details. You first and foremost have to help yourself to be able to help your wife etc, so please get in touch with your mental health team and GP to review where you are at with support and medication. We are having a Scottish meet on Sunday in Stirling so why don't you come along we would love to meet you and offer lots of support. There is so much going on for you, but you csn only do so much so please don't beat yourself up and use as a support tool to help you get through this difficult time. Big hugs x

 

[ladylite]

You are sounding better already remember a problem shared is a problem halved, or something like that. xx

 

[dottychic]

You are never alone hun, we are all here when ever you need us X

 

[gaelic girl]

Sorry think we all posted at the same time so forgive me for the repeats x

 

[cherry]

I think its truely shocking disgusting to blame you for your sons behaviourly problems when in actual fact it was due to a medical problem, makes my blood boil!! just shows how narrow minded and judgemental people still are in the 21st century, grrrrrrrr and how taboo mental health still is! outrageous i say and if i was you for personal satisfaction i would be requesting written apologies how very dare they....

im sorry if this sounds harsh but how very silly of your wife this is a very personal subject to me, i found out about 5000 grand!!!!! i never knew of, were lucky we were in a position where with very tight purse strings i sorted it... i hope things settle down for you, and you have a loverly xmas without this hanging over you.... i hope you have full reins of the purse strings now so she cant do a repeat performance x

 

[Bev]

You will never be alone as long as we are on this forum, so please keep strong... some lovely ladies rallying here to your aide!

Also the lovely Allie, up there in Scotland...

Keep positive, best foot forward and keep in touch with us... we struggle along too, so never ever feel lonely or on your own and think about how you can help yourself to start with....

Please keep in touch and I'm so glad to hear you sounding more positive tonight...

Loving hugs xxx

 

[J-Mo]

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Sorry I have no pearls of wisdom but I didn't just want to read & leave.

Have you heard of the 5 day pouch test? It might give you some focus with getting back on track with your eating. I'm not 100% sure what it entails & as I'm only 2 weeks post op I'm no expert. There are threads on here about it.

Take care

 

[hope2bthina]

Hi, i just wanted to send a cyber hug xx
My eldest son has Aspergers he's 14 next week and was diagnosed at 4 so in 10 years we have had our moments. How old is your son? xx

 

[thinkbethin]

Oh sweetheart none of these things are your fault so you are definitely not a failure. Speak with your gp about how you are feeling please as they may be able to help you. If you let these feelings of failure build up you will do your self more harm than good. Hugs to you and please feel free to talk to us here if it helps get it off your chest or pm if you feel you can't post openly. Good luck xxxx

 

[deepblue]

Hi, i just wanted to send a cyber hug xx
My eldest son has Aspergers he's 14 next week and was diagnosed at 4 so in 10 years we have had our moments. How old is your son? xx

He has just turned 10 and realy having a hard time finding his place I really feel for him and wonder if the people who were supposed to help had stopped looking for people to blame for his behaviour and had a go at diagnosing what his problem was he might be a bit better off even now the help we were promised has been slow at best.