Help Me Explain !

[purplefluffything]

Im Hoping some of you can help me explain why having a band or bypass surgery is the way to go for some of us?

For me its my dissability, I cannot diet and excercise, and being at home alot by myself I don't lke to admit it but I think I comfort eat especialy when Gary is working 12 hr days or nights.
I am also under the endiocrene consultant to keep an eye incase I get Diabetes due to my weight gain, also high blood pressue because everyone else in my family has it, stress incontinent and then I have the beginnings of Osteoporosis. The morphine Im on also put me in a premature menapause causing all these possibilities; this is along with all my other problems with back problems, failed fusion permanent nerve damage.

My Endio consultant said he would support me with wls, he said this would be the only way of me losing weight due to my lack of mobility.

My husband has started to question why I cant just eat smaller amounts to lose weight! .

I told him if I was eating such small amounts of food I would be looking out for more food even sneaking food when no-one is looking. I went on to explain having the band you would be full on such a smaller amount of food because the surgeon would have made the stomach smaller with the band so you end up much fuller.

Can anyone explain it better for me please, has I don't think he is convinced with what I explained. I told him about the bypass and what happens, he seemed to accept this one a bit better.
He also cannot see why I or anyone would put themselfs through surgery and not do the weight loss without being cut open! .
The surgery part worries Gary my husband because we have both have had alot of surgery due to us both having health issues.
With the letter I got from the consultant I also got some info saying what each procedure was and what can can wrong (I have already read this and of course heard alot on here, so that part of the letter did not scare me, I don't want Gary to read this part because he definatly would say Im mad to want to put myself at such a risk!.
Thank you for reading this also a big thank you in advance to anyone that may reply. xx:thankyou:

 

[emmarfrost]

Awww Diana,

Im sorry that your feeling a bit confused with everything.If its any consolation my husband doesn't understand why I can't 'just eat smaller amounts' too, but after months of chatting and discussion he is supporting my decision to have the surgery.

I think when a relationship with food gets out of hand it turns into not only a physical issue, but a mental one too.My entire life has always revolved around what I have eaten that day and therefore whether I'd be hapy or sad, laughing or crying, agitated or mellow, plus it has a crippling effect on my cofidence, and my mental state of health- it has made me very ill.
If you know its for you, 100% then you need to sit down with your husband, and be honest, tell him the risks and the benefits for you, ultimately as your husband i'm sure he will support you, it can just be a huge thing for them to get their heads around.

In my husbands words 'I married you as you are, because I love you.You are beautiful to me whatever size you are'

For me it was not that simple.And he has grown to understand and support me.Im sure your hb will, but it does take a little time.

xxxx

 

[topsy]

I agree with what Emma has said - we all use food or something else as a crutch to get us through each day. I'm in the same boat as yourself with regards to disability not allowing me to be more mobile and it was my own GP who said this was my last option.

So yes i am putting myself through this procedure with the hope that once i lose weight then i will be more mobile and have a better quality of life - and this is the statement i have used to justify my decision to my family and friends

Sending you hugs with fairy dust to help you through this situation

 

[halve me]

sorry you are feeling like that. i can understand when your hubby said why cant you eat smaller portions as mine said exactly the same a few weeks before my op. i think it was mainly as he was worried about me havinbg the op which sounds the same for your hubby. i have no magic advice as i just told my hubby that if it was that easy i would have done that by now and be a 'normal' weight already. i also told him that due to my pain levels (i have fm) my food was my pain killer and as i was suffering so much i just ate and ate. (i know this isnt fixed after the op but perhaps less weight will ease symptoms?) i told him that if he didnt want to loose me in a few years due to being so overweight that the best way forward was the op even though there were risks the benefits will outweigh the risk. i find also that people who have never had to loose weight dont understand how hard 'cutting down' really is

hope that helps and he comes round to your thinking im sure he will x

 

[gaelic girl]

Hi Diana
It always starts out as a bit of a mine field when you start exploring wls. I know it was for me!.Like Emma my hubby says he loves me for who i am. Maybe we are slightly different as my hubby is a "big guy" too and he too has the issues with food that we all have on here so has never gone down the road of "eat less". He is supportive of my forthcoming surgery and came to my consultation and asked his own questions. Like your husband he is naturally worried about the actual surgery but the more i tell him from what i've learnt on here seems to reassure him a bit. I've chosen the bypass because of my love of all things sweet and my comfort eating as i would be worried i would "cheat" with the band. Also my goal is to be fitter and to buy clothes from any shop in the high street. We all have our own reasons but a lot of them are common to us all. It is a difficult thing for people to understand why? at times but as Emma said if it's right for you then with that time you will support hubby to support your journey. There is always plenty of support to be found here too. xx

 

[purplefluffything]

Hi Topsy and Emma,
What you both say is right and I too am consious of everything I eat or put in my mouth (usually yummy sweet stuff then feel a masive guilt afterwards).
Emma, My husband say exactly what yours says too, that he loves me whatever size I am, we have nearly been married 25 yrs in another yr and together 26 yrs In all those times he has always complemented me never said anything about size or what Im eating.
He knows that knows that my size is effecting me so said he will support me all the way, but sometimes it just puzzles him why go through with this, and because I have a Intrathecal morphine pump implant more of a worry.

(This is a pump implant in my stomach and a cathter which is connected to the pump this then is tunneled around my back into the intrathecal space of the spine giving me morphine and clonidine 24/7 it will be more of a challenge to the surgeon and annesthetist.
I worry too but Im sure with plenty of infomation from my own consultant annesthetist things will go smoothly.
Gary is going to come into the group session with me which is 3 hrs this will be hard for me, but I have already spoken to the nurse who will be giving the lecture and she said I can have has many breaks as I like, I will have a wheelchair with me so at least Gary can help me outside for a break ect.
Like you said Emma I think more talking is needed untill he is happy.
Not one of us want to go through surgery on purpose but we all obviously feel its really needed.
Gary said if I did not get the funding for the NHS surgery he would even pay privatly for me .
(hopefully that won't happen)
Thanks again Topsy and Emma.
If anyone else can give me anything else to make Gary more positive please tell me.
Hugs xx

 

[purplefluffything]

Hello Allie,
Must have been posting at the same time.
Yes Gary is also comming to my consultation.
I too would like the bypass due to sweet eating. One of Gary's questions to me was about what is to stop you cheating with the band? I did not really have any answer except to say that it would be a waste to have had that procedure if you were to cheat, where as with the bypass I told Gary that once you try to eat anything sweet you would not want to do it again!
If I am wrong or right please correct me I don't mind.
Thanks for your support Allie.
x

 

[purplefluffything]

Hello Halve-me,
What you have said really makes sense, in that if you could have lost weight you would have by now, now I think that is the truth for everyone don't you.
Im sure he will come round, well he sort of has but I suppose he just wants to make sure.
To be honest I think in away Gary wanting to know the ins and outs of everything is only showing he cares for me.
Best wishes. xx

 

[cazbandy]

Hi Purplefluffything (love this name )

I think the important thing when you are large is deciding are you happy that way? If the answer is a resounding yes, then that's ok but if you are unhappy, like a lot of are and were, you have to do what is right for you.

I have a partner that fell in love with me when I was at my very largest, he doesn't know me any other way. And he has said he would love me if I had 32 arms, a purple head and 1 eye but he knew that although I showed a confident and happy person to the world, inside I was hurting and deeply unhappy.

When I told him I was considering surgery, he was concerned but understood that you have to put your own house in order and he has no right to make me feel guilty or bad for a choice that I needed to make for my sanity and my health.

I sat with him, explained everything, risks and all and said that if I did not have this surgery, then I would die young. Now I know there are no guarantees to living a long and healthy life but I was not prepared to carry on the way I was and end up with amputations and blindness. I had been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and that was the straw on the camel's back for me.

So he accepted my decision as once he knew all the facts he could see as clearly as me that this was the right course of action to take.

This was a last resort for me, gastric banding, I knew it would not be a magic cure, I knew I would have to work damn hard to make it work and that I would have to learn to live a different way, eat a different way to get the health back I was losing fast.

The healthcare professionals will help you to decide which option might work best for you but at the end of the day, once you have researched it all and asked a million questions, only you can decide what is right for you.

I was a comfort binge eater with a sweet tooth. I was advised that a bypass might be the best course of action but it was not what I wanted, so went for a band. My portion control was more of a problem than my sweet tooth and decided that the band was the tool for me.

I think I am doing ok...it's tough to start until you get good restriction but once that gets sorted and the weight comes off, you find you can do more and your mental state improves and you feel you can do this and be sucessful.

My advice, keep talking to your partner, let him know all your hopes and fears, educate him as you educate yourself with the proceedures and most of all know that the reason he worries, the reasons he is concerned, is that he loves you so much.

Your journey is only just starting and I wish you all the luck and love in the world...and look forward to hearing all about it.

 

[deq]

My partner was just teh same but my surgeon put him straight. He expalined that the compulsion to over eat is a disease that is formed in the first year of life. No matter what we do we will never be able to sustain weight loss so WLS is the only way forward. Once you are mobdily obese or SMO as I am, it would take 4 years of dieting to get me to my goal weight (who can stick to that!). Good luck with your plans and do not let anyone else's negativity distract you from what is essentially your decision. Debs xx

 

[farzu]

I researched on bypass and made a document file from several websites which i printed and told my hubby to read. I aslo took the website addresses so that he doesn't think that i made all up by myself , just to convince him. He read the file and agreed with me. It was quite simple for me as we were/are still having some problems in our replationship. As this is quite the begining of our life, we didn't want to loose hope and i told him i would do anything to have a family.

I don't know if it will help.. but i can send u the file if you want.

I hope you also get what you want. All the best.

 

[Wibble]

I got the same from my hubby - "why don't you just eat smaller portions of healthier food, etc.?" To which I think-"Easy to say that when you've never had a weight/food issue EVER in your life, Mr Tall-and-Thin-eats-loads-of-veggies-doesn't-know-the-meaning-of-the-word-Pringles."
It's hard. I know the theory behind what he's saying, course I do- it's just putting it into practice and the issues I have surrounding food that's obviously the problem for me or else I'd have been a size 10 years ago!
I love my hubby dearly, and he's having to put up with so much from me at the mo, but sometimes it's just easier to talk to those in the know I feel.

 

[Stupid]

:cry::cry::cry:you poor thing..i imagine maybe your morphine gives you sugar cravings...i read of somebody in a magazine abit like you with very bad back on morphine etc and really stuggling with sweet cravings as a side effect..i hate to say i have am a greedy glutton and struggle daily with sweet and junk food cravings even though i am not on medication like that

i am sorry about your problems

i guess everyone considering wls has tried [and lost weight] using the standard way of eating less many times already

 

[iinklii]

I am amazed at the amount of husbands who have said "Why don't you just diet and excercise" Hardy har ha
They don't like hats either!
Humph!

I've been terribly worried about telling everyone about this op, my mum, my kids, friends, everybody. With one exception, my significant other, isn't that odd? I knew he'd be agaist it but wouldn't stop me. I knew he'd support my decision even though he didn't want it. I think I must have known his reaction and maybe that's why he's the only person I could tell. Or maybe it's because I really know he loves me, and when I thought that.... nothing else seemed to matter quite as much and I breathed a little easier.

I love my Mum too, but I still haven't told her.

Does it matter if he understands? I don't know. It's just a thought

Love and hugs

 

[emmarfrost]

I still don't think dh understands my decision either iinklii, but he said he would support me.

So I took that as a resounding 'YES', and booked it loool

Em xx

 

[Snowcrystal]

:cry::cry::cry:you poor thing..i imagine maybe your morphine gives you sugar cravings...i read of somebody in a magazine abit like you with very bad back on morphine etc and really stuggling with sweet cravings as a side effect..i hate to say i have am a greedy glutton and struggle daily with sweet and junk food cravings even though i am not on medication like that

i am sorry about your problems

i guess everyone considering wls has tried [and lost weight] using the standard way of eating less many times already

Sugar activates the brain’s pleasure center, which releases opioids that fuel a craving for more sugar. Recent studies on cravings and addiction show that heroin and morphine produce the same chemicals in the brain...