Help needed .

[happyhilary]

Hi, I know this isn't wls related but I need some advice urgently . If anyone knows the social housing rules or social services regarding parental rights please inbox me . Thanks

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[Paula Garner]

I don't know if this is what your looking for. But it might help point you in the right direction

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/parents/parentsrights/dg_4002954

http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/

http://www.family-action.org.uk/section.aspx?id=4470

 

[happyhilary]

Thanks Paula , my daughter in law has left my sin with the 3 kids . It's a rented social housing property but the tenancy is in her name . The kids are 6 and 2 year twins .she has done odd things before to be honest but she has told him she isn't coming back until he agrees to her terms ! He can manage the kids fine and we are a very close family so he will get all the support he needs . She wants him to have the kids every weekend at my house and it's part of his job that he works most weekends . He earns very good money and they have never go without but if he has the kids every weekend he won't be able to work as I know he won't dump them on others .
So my point is will the housing company allow him to stay in the family home ? If so he could pay the rent and still work . I have a 3 bed house but it's not enough room for the kids to sleep as I only have a spare box room . It's heartbreaking but if he gives in to her demands she will do just as she likes . She wants her life back !

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[WobblyW]

Hi honey,
So sorry your facing such a dilemma. Social services are not going to look favourably on her abandoning her kids. Not sure about the HA, on one side the tenancy is in her name, and although your son would definitely be high on the priority list, they couldn't give him that tenancy unless she gave it up. Which I'm guessing she's not likely to do. I'm also guessing He's paying the rent not her? He doesn't have to the tenancy is in her name and they would eventually terminate her tenancy for non payment. Basically he needs to speak to HA ASAP I don't think they would make him and the kids homeless, it's not what they do.

 

[Paula Garner]

He would need to contact the housing office and explain the situation. They aren't going to see the children homeless. In reality she has abandoned her children, so I'd get him to contact the family court for advice. If his name is on the children's birth certificate, he will have equal parental rights. Hope it all works out for him and the little ones x

 

[Raynebubble]

A friend of mine was in a similar situation... his wife had a breakdown and could no longer live with the family and left. he was abe to stay in his house with the two children... the priority was the children need a home.
Also when i was with my ex partner... i was living in his house with my young daughter... when we split the council suggested he move out so to not make my daughter homeless. So in theory as i had the child..we got to stay in the house x

 

[happyhilary]

Thanks so much for all the advice . He is named as the father but as for the rent He gave her the money each month so it won't be seen as coming from his bank . before when she has thrown him out he was very down but this time he seems calm which she doesn't like . She will try to get him to bite I'm sure . he is an excellent father and he is coping very well . In fact I'm really proud of him he puts some fathers to shame including my other son .

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[WobblyW]

Big hugs hope all goes well

 

[happyhilary]

Well It hasn't got any better ! My daughter in law came home after a few days partying and sent my son packing . he came back without a fuss as he said it was the kids that suffer . I kept my tongue as much as I wanted to go down and slap her ! Least said soonest mended ! She had done the same thing each weekend and last weekend she asked me to have the 3 kids at mine while she worked Saturday , went out sat night and of course had a long Lay in on Sunday . I said I have not got the room for all to sleep over and I really don't have room . But would have them while she worked . I got a long text message which was so vile and cruel it shocked me . She now says I have never helped , so i cannot see the kids anymore .
I don't know what to do now , I normally take her eldest child to school with my daughters little one on Fridays , last week she sent my daughter a message saying if I was doing the school run again to let her know and she will take hers . All the grandkids go to the same village school and I know on Friday the little girl will come up to me and the daughter in law will call her back . What do I say to a 6 yr old ? I have spoken to my son but don't want to cause anymore problems for him over this . She says I have never helped but this is lies . I looked after the kids while she went on a girls holiday , got the eldest clean while I was at it . When she had the twins she stayed here to recover , every year we take them all abroad for a holiday , we buy the school uniform , shoes and winter coats . She has said the kids don't ever ask to see me they just ask to come over when they want me to buy them something .
I feel so bad . Sorry for the long moan x

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[kirstyd]

Wat a horrible situation I can't imagin not putting my children's welfare n happiness first. And as for wat she said about the kids not asking to c u im sure that's a load of nonsense she knows that's the only way she can hurt u! She's just after a reaction! God I wd never dream of speaking to my mother in law like that! Hope u get things sorted soon **hugs** xx

 

[happyhilary]

Thanks Kirsty , my other ex daughter in law and i get on fine , with cross words only once and that was soon forgotten . I still meet up for lunch with her and her new baby knows me as nanny posh the same as the others . They call me that as I have a dog called posh ! I even made the bridesmaid dresses for her wedding last month do I can't be that bad ! I know what your saying as she knows the kids mean the world to me it's just so unfair x

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[happyhilary]

Big hugs hope all goes well

Thanks wobbly !

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[Yvessa]

Unfortunately I think you're caught in the middle here Until her and your son sort it out between them one way or another I don't think it'll get any easier.

 

[lamornamiss]

Got to admit if it was me I'd be telling my son to start writing everything down and start proceeding to get custody.
But I don't know the full story and what the situation is with your son and DIL.
You can only stand by and be there to pick up the pieces.
If your grand daughter comes up to you in the playground tell her you love her and will always be there for her if she needs you. Don't get drawn into any name calling it will only look bad on you.
Most people will know the true story and see what is happening and know who is in the wrong.

Hugs I hope things get sorted soon

 

[Paula Garner]

Got to admit if it was me I'd be telling my son to start writing everything down and start proceeding to get custody.
But I don't know the full story and what the situation is with your son and DIL.
You can only stand by and be there to pick up the pieces.
If your grand daughter comes up to you in the playground tell her you love her and will always be there for her if she needs you. Don't get drawn into any name calling it will only look bad on you.
Most people will know the true story and see what is happening and know who is in the wrong.

Hugs I hope things get sorted soon

I Agree, you also need to get in touch with the family court and a solicitor to find out your and your sons rights to access. You have rights as grandparents to see the children. Show her yu mean business and your not going to allow her to exclude yo from the children's lives. You never know, she may back down.

Also as hard as it may be, if she reckons you never help, you need to stop financially supporting her by buying the kids school things etc. Buy them gifts etc, but let her stand on her own two feet otherwise. Then she will realise how much you did help.

Hope things get better for you and your son soon xx

 

[happyhilary]

Thanks , I have researched grandparents rights and although we have a right to ask for the courts to grant some access there isn't any law to enforce it . So we could drag this to court and be granted say 2 hours a month but if the daughter in law says the child's ill etc they can't enforce it .
I have kept diary a since 2004 and write everything down . I have got text messages on my phone which again I will keep . I hope my son toughens up but from past experience I think he will do just as she says .
On a brighter note my other ex daughter in law made a surprise visit last night bringing our other grandson and her new baby so lots of cuddles made me feel better !

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[happyhilary]

Just an update ! We found out this week the daughter in law has been on cocaine . I have no experience what so ever of how to deal with this . Last weekend it all went **** up and by Thursday she confessed to my son . She has spent thousands and is in debt to the dealers for 2200 . They have been getting nasty so it's no excuse but has shed some light .
my two sons met the dealer and paid him off and warned him never to sell to Katie again . eldest son is a unlicensed boxer / cage fighter unbeaten and takes no c**p from anyone ! But I think we are being stupid to think it will be as easy to stop as this . She is getting help and said she has not taken any for 2 weeks . My concern is she stopped because they cut off her credit not because she wanted to ? sorry to ask this but has anyone had an experience of this ? My son thinks he can restrict her money etc but I feel if she wants to take it she will lie and of course find another dealer . in 6 months she has racked up about 8000 in credit cards , paid hardly any bills , had about 400 in cash per week and still owed them 2200 ? So just how much would she have been taking ? Have not slept since this came to light
I know this isn't wls related just don't know who to ask .

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[lamornamiss]

Oh sweetheart I don't know what to say
I can only send hugs :hug99:

I take it this is the DIL who has taken the kids

 

[tealovingsleever]

I am a family lawyer and happy to help if I can. Pm me if you want to.

 

[happyhilary]

Many thanks x my daughter in law had the kids but my son has moved back to keep an eye on things . It was either that or he was taking the kids away from her but I think he is worried about that making things worse . How long does it take to get this out of her system ? I am at a complete loss .

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