How can i make him understand?

[amysbypass]

Ok, here's my problem.
I have decided that a bypass is the best choice for me.
My only problem is my dad! He wont accept it and as i work with him i am having my head done in daily that i shouldn't have it and should have a band. Even down to him bringing me every newspaper article he can find in support of the band. He seems to think that i shouldn't do something to myself that is not reversable.
Its really starting to drive me crazy everyday to the point where i feel like giving in and just having the band just to shut him up.
What can i possibly say to help him understand that i have done my research and know whats best for me?!?!?!

 

[Taz]

I can see why your dad is concerned as the band is reversible and less intrusive but if you have already discussed this with your consultant and been given the all clear to have it then you have done all you can to make sure it's the right option for you.

You can try telling him that you have gone into it in detail and you understand all the dangers etc but if someone doesn't want to listen they wont listen. You have to do what's right for you and not be pressured by other people. It's your life. You can try telling him that you have made your decision and if he can't support you in it then there is no point in the 2 of you discussing it again.

 

[shelbell]

Hi Amy,

If it were me, I would have a sit down chat with him, ask him to let you speak without interrupting, and say that you understand that he is concerned for you, and you know that that is out of love and that you truly appreciate that. However, you are a grown woman and have fully researched all of the options available and with the help of the medical profession have decided on the best option for you, which is the bypass. Tell him that while you respect his opinion, you are confident of your decision and would really appreciate his support in this as at present you don't feel at all supported which is hurting you emotionally.

It may come down to having to tell him that if he isn't going to support you he needs to completely stop talking about it and if possible leave the room whenever he starts, but hopefully a heartfelt conversation should make him see sense.

Good luck x

 

[topsy]

Good advice from the others - when i went for my initial appointment i wanted a band as i thought once i get to my goal weight i could have it removed or the fluid taken out. But Ana (one of the bariatric team at Walsall) told me that many banders do not lose as much weight as bypassers and some of the banders will go for a bypass op maybe 18 months 2 years down the line (sorry i am not trying to cause trouble for you banders). This did give me food for thought as this is MY last chance at getting weight off and having a HEALTHY life for myself and my family. I know the pitfalls can sound scary to your family but i have explained to them the different choices success rates and they are behind me and i'm sure your dad is only trying to protect you - remember no matter how old you are - you will always be his little girl, so try and explain as best you can that this is the op for you and don't back down just to please him ultimately this is for YOU - i send hugs with fairy dust to make you happy x

 

[Brunetteandred]

Can't add any more than what has been said already. Great advice.

 

[fat-girl-slim08]

Great advice already and can't really ad to it, But at the end of the day Its your choice hun, and you need to do whats right for you.
You could even tell your dad ok you'l have the band, but have the Bypass lol, He wouldn't be any wiser, and you could always tell him at a later date if you felt you needed too.

 

[Taz]

Great advice already and can't really ad to it, But at the end of the day Its your choice hun, and you need to do whats right for you.
You could even tell your dad ok you'l have the band, but have the Bypass lol, He wouldn't be any wiser, and you could always tell him at a later date if you felt you needed too.

Sorry to hijack but, what is a RGB? And is all you 70lb loss from the 4 months since your bypass? You look amazing!

 

[cazbandy]

Parents are odd creatures at times. They often voice their own opinions out of love but fail to see what it is we really want in our heart of hearts.

It is our job to convince, reassure and ask for the trust to make our own way in life.

Your dad does not rule you, you are your own person, with your own wishes and fears.

I am sure you have looked into all the weightloss surgery options and come to the firm decision of a bypass as that suits you and your eating habits, and the way in which this proceedure will help you acheive a goal you long for so much.

As the others have said, I think you should sit down, ask to heard without interuption and tell him why you made this choice.

If it helps, maybe suggest that he come with you when you see the consultant, so he can get a better understanding of how much the risks of getting this surgery outweigh the risks of not getting it. Does he really want to see you unhappy and unhealthy?

There are some advantages to the band, it is reversible but most people will choose to keep their band for life, so in essence our bodies are changed forever too. Both proceedures are risky, as are all operations under a general anaesthetic. But the problems you could suffer with bad health if weight increased is just as risky.

Do you have other people who support your decision, who could act as a mediator when you sit down to talk with him? Also gather as much physical hard evidence for both proceedures.

I wish you all the best with this, it's never easy when you feel you are lacking support and love from those closest to us. And if you ever need to talk...we are here for you.

That's the beauty of Minimins, everyone understands, we come from such a diverse range of backgrounds, one of us will have gone through what another has at some point...the advice is so invaluable here.

 

[PinkyButtonz]

I can see why your dad is concerned as the band is reversible and less intrusive but if you have already discussed this with your consultant and been given the all clear to have it then you have done all you can to make sure it's the right option for you.

You can try telling him that you have gone into it in detail and you understand all the dangers etc but if someone doesn't want to listen they wont listen. You have to do what's right for you and not be pressured by other people. It's your life. You can try telling him that you have made your decision and if he can't support you in it then there is no point in the 2 of you discussing it again.

Great advice Taz.

I had the problem that my mum didn't want me to have Band or Bypass, she was worried because of the risk.

I told her there was more risk in me not having it done. As I felt like the weight was killing me. It didn't take long for her to see my side of it.

I hadn't planned on telling her till I got date for Op, but my hand was forced when I bumped into a friend of ours at the hospital and my brother was with me.
She would of known something was up because she's usually the that attends hospital appointment with me.

 

[Taz]

I think that's a really good point, sometimes the risk of the surgery is less than the risk of remaining overweight

 

[PinkyButtonz]

I think that's a really good point, sometimes the risk of the surgery is less than the risk of remaining overweight

Yes, the Op is a lot more safer then it use to be.
My surgeon said complication occur in 1 in 200 of bypasses, but he said he's were 1 in 500.
The bariatric nurse said complications occur when the post op diet is ignored and the staples leak and wounds break down.

 

[Taz]

Yes I think that it is 50% the patients responsibility where complications are concerned. If you do the pre and post op diets correctly and care for your wound properly then you can be sure that you have done the best for yourself. The surgeon can only be responsible for what happens on the table

 

[wannaloose18stone]

The operation is perfectly safe, the long term problems mostly come from not treating yourself well, malnutrition being the biggest problem. You must get your bloods checked regularly and focus on a good healthy diet encompasing all the goodness you can cram in.
You must take care of yourself health wise aswell, any small symptoms that you get foe anything then deal with them and don't just fob them off.

 

[BlueDiamond]

Awe bless ya dad , his only looking out for his little girl , but seriously that aside , you have to live your life for you, you make the choices of where your life takes you, no one else. I know ya dad means well etc, wot can I say parents dont stop being parents at any age.

good luck with your decision, make sure you make the right one for you, no one else, and dont feel pressured into doing something someone else wants you to do , its your life tc xx Julie xx

Ok, here's my problem.
I have decided that a bypass is the best choice for me.
My only problem is my dad! He wont accept it and as i work with him i am having my head done in daily that i shouldn't have it and should have a band. Even down to him bringing me every newspaper article he can find in support of the band. He seems to think that i shouldn't do something to myself that is not reversable.
Its really starting to drive me crazy everyday to the point where i feel like giving in and just having the band just to shut him up.
What can i possibly say to help him understand that i have done my research and know whats best for me?!?!?!

 

[easter chick]

My dad was worried for me but he understood i just could not get the weight off and keep it off so in the end he realized i could die being over weight so paid for the op himself due to doc not even taking on board what i was saying.Your dad just loves you and the idea of someone cutting into you scares him ..Try to show him others who have had it done and come through it and it will make it more real.ps i had a band

 

[fat-girl-slim08]

Sorry to hijack but, what is a RGB? And is all you 70lb loss from the 4 months since your bypass? You look amazing!

RGB is Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass
and Yes I have lost 70lbs in just over 4 months, and Thankyou lol x

 

[BlueDiamond]

RGB is Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass
and Yes I have lost 70lbs in just over 4 months, and Thankyou lol x

WOW WTG -

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Amy, it is really lovely that your Dad loves you so much that he is prepared to annoy you so much with contrary advice! It must be pretty much messing with your head if you've made up your mind and have researched it thoroughly and discussed with healthcare professionals.

The advice you have here is very good, I can't really add to it. Best of Luck!

 

[PinkyButtonz]

RGB is Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass
and Yes I have lost 70lbs in just over 4 months, and Thankyou lol x

Can I have a copy of your post op diet please lol.

 

[Kirsty Walsall]

I have the same problem but with my husband and daughter who's 19 and slim.My husband thinks all you need is will power but when you've been dieting all your life my will power as up and left.It's hard to make them see that it's the right decision for us but it will be. x