How much have you changed since you have gained weight.

[Roch]

Morning all, thought i would post this asking you all how much you have changed since you have go to ur heaviest weight and do you still like urself.
I know you must be thinking this is a weird post but at the mo i am struggling big time with a bout of depression and finding it hard to drag myself out.

I hate what i have done to myself by getting to my heaviest of 27.13 and staying that weight for many years, when i was younger like in my 30`s and at that weight i had no health problems and worked 10 hrs a day and looked after a young family and had plenty of energy and for some absurd reason carried on being that weight, although continually dieting and losing then re gaining the weight.
Things changed big time 3 yrs ago when sciatica became very bad and i started getting arthritis and had to give up work and depression kicked in big time and then in August this year it seemed like my body just gave up and i am now housebound, cant walk for more than a few mins with a walking stick, go up the stairs on my hands and knees and my legs collapse constantly and i have osteoarthritis in most of my joints and i am drugged up big time with medication that is 1.5 times stronger than morphine but only takes the pain away 50/60 % on a good day, and i have been told that the only way the pai will ease when i drop a major amount of weight.

I have lost 50lbs since June but my health is getting worse and my doc believes that it is all the weight on my joints all my life as i have been fighting this battle with my weight since i was 4.

I watched a programme with Lorraine Kelly on the Bio chanel last night where she is helping the fattest family in the U.K.
I watched the programme and thought i am so much like them and i have done this to myself and why did i do this and could i not see the damage i was doing to myself and why did i not work harder at losing the weight as the person i am now i despise big time.

I get up in the morning, sort my dogs out and do bout an hrs worth of housework but have to sit down every 10 mins for a few mins then after that i do nothing but sit on my arse all day, why did i choose food and allow myself to end up like this with no life at all just literally surviving from day to day !!

I am having my surgery in just under 7 weeks and am now on an 8 week pre op diet, the reason its 8 weeks is that i am top of the list for a cancellation and of one comes up then i will be able to take it as my hospital insist ur on the pre op for 4 weeks, i must admit i am struggling but i wont give up as this gift of wls is going to give me a chance to grasp back my life and start living again and in time to start learning to like myself again.

 

[StephieAck]

Being fat did change me yes. It took away that bubbly, vibrant girl that I used to be that was outgoing and cared about herself. I turned into this reclusive, nervous, dependant woman that didnt really bother looking after herself. Now that the weight is coming off that is changing again. Ive been fat since primary school so I have never been someone with loads of confidence or anything but I was more outgoing before the major weight came on. I dont think that you can help it really because of the way the world treats you when youre fat.

 

[Cuppacocoa]

Hi Roch, sorry to hear you are feeling down in the dumps. I 've been big since I was 4 too and continued to gain steadily throughout my life. I always appeared as very happy and confident but I wasn't really, not deep inside, I was miserable.

But that's all in the past now. I had my bypass 9 weeks ago and it literally changed my life overnight. This weight had suddenly been lifted (pardon the pun) off my shoulders and for the first time in my life I had control over what went in my mouth. The weight falling off is a bonus on top of that.

Roch you have waited so long for your op and are SO near to your day, very soon your life is going to change too. What you are feeling now will be history and you can look forward to a very exciting future. There's only one way those scales will be heading hun, down, down and down some more.

You have so much to look forward to.

Cuppa xx

 

[Glenville]

Hi Roch, I can so relate to the feelings you are having, as I expect most people on the site can. Most of us have skeletons in the cupboard as reasons why we got into the overweight situation. They are many and varied, but I suspect most end up being psychological barriers or curtains of some sort of other. Even if we knew we were doing ourselves no good, would we have stopped? I suspect not, until it was too late.

Fortunately everyone on this site has done something before it is too late. That includes you. You are just a few weeks away from your new life. You must try and not dwell on the past, look forward to the new you.

I know we all have negative thoughts, especially as the op date gets closer. You will have more thoughts, like "well I've lost 50+lbs without the op, what if...". This is completely natural, don't be fooled, you need the op, you will have the op, you will come out the other side.
In a couple of months time you will be wondering what all the fuss was about.

Think positive.
John xx
PS. Are we seeing you on Saturday? I hope so.

 

[CCPM]

I was 2 stone heavier than you Roch at 29st 11lbs and had ans still have chronic arthritis of the back and knees. At 14 stones I can manage a great deal better and am much more comfy in terms of the arthritis. I dieted all through off and then piled it on. I can diet but can't maintain. The RNY has been my passport to a better life, not necessarily providing a cure for my health problems but much better able to deal with them. Weight loss will surely relieve someof your arthritis probs and you will be gamboling about with your doggies soon

Good luck

M

 

[Sambucca]

Roch, I can totally relate to what you have written.

I was a slim child, a slim teen, a slim young adult. I was a healthy size 12/14 before conceiving my eldest daughter when I was 23 years old. I gained 5 stones during that pregnancy, and was 16st 11 after giving birth. For the next 6 years I fluctuated anywhere between 14 and 16 stones, and couldnt even get motivated enough to lose weight for my wedding. After the birth of my second daughter who is now 5, I was again spookily 16 stone 11. At this time I was landlady of my own pub, drinking, eating late at night, it was impossible to lose the weight.

I tried several attempts over the years to lose weight, but it is in most recent years that my weight had got out of control. When I first enquired about WLS I was just over 19 stones. By the time I started my pre op diet 9 months later I was 20 st 7. No doubt I would have been over 21 stones now. I hated what the weight did to me. To my health, my lifestyle, my motivation. I used to get up, do the minimum to make myself presentable, go to work, come home and that was it. THat was my life. I have wonderful friends who know exactly what I have been through and I would sometimes make excuses even not to see them. My confidence was rock bottom.

Now, just 4 months after WLS I can honestly say I feel on top of the world, and this is just the start. My knees have improved, my fitness, my confidence, my appearance... I still have about another 4 stones something to lose, but if I never lost another ounce, this would still be the best thing I have ever done for myself.

 

[jaxx]

Roch I totally hate what I have done to my body and how stupid I have been for doing it in the first place. My parents tried to help me but ended up doing more harm. So from a happy, healthy little girl, I went to become a depressed and increasingly fatter teenager and I never stopped from there.

Weirdly enough though a couple of years ago I gained more confidence untill this year when I reached my heaviest of 25st. It was then that I knew I had to do something about it otherwise I'd be housebound and unable to look after my disabled mum. I always prided myself that although I was fat, I was active and ate healthily (if too much). But I put on weight this year and my stamina and energy took a severe nosedive, which is when my depression (I've suffered from depression since I was 14 years old, same time as my weight soared) got worse and I knew I'd ruined my body. I didn't want to have to have a hip replacement at 40 because of my weight.

I'm currently on anti-depressants and I'm waiting to see a psych for a med review. But I think the surgery will help a whole lot. If I can shift this weight and love who I am, my self esteem might improve and so might my depression.

You're not alone, PM me if you need a natter.

 

[tink75]

I too can completely relate to your feelings. I was a healthy child and teen - size 10 when I got pregnant with my first son (at 18) - by the time I gave birth I was a size 18 and the weight just increased from there. At my heaviest (just before surgery) I was 21s 5lbs with a BMI of 54. I am only 5f 2inch so I looked huge. I have suffered with bits of depression over the years but fortunately nothing too serious. I decided to have the surgery cause some days after work I couldn't even walk up the stairs - I had to crawl up - I could just see my mobility drifting away. I went to the doctors and had loads of tests with the conclusion being that my weight had pushed my knee joints out of place. Since my surgery I feel like a new person although I get embarrased when people say how amazing I'm looking because I know I should NEVER have been that size. I wish slim people could understand how we feel but I do think that we mainly put ourselfs down because we don't like who we have become. The worst thing for me about being overweight was the amount I would sleep - all weekend and as soon as I got in from work, but just like my body is changing so am I - I have more energy now than I ever did and I don't sleep at all during the day.
Surgery is the best thing and like John said I thought I've lost 1 stone in 2 weeks maybe I don't need the surgery - but honestly it really has changed my life and my outlook on life. Even post op I still watch any program about overweight people and I have asked my husband if I will always be obsessed with obesity - but it is now a healthy obsession about positive changes - good luck on your journey xxx

 

[Katastrophe]

Just wanted to say Roch you've done fantastically losing 50 pounds since June and should be proud of yourself!

I can relate too, i've been overweight all my life... When i was a baby my mum said she could put me on the floor , go do her housework and i'd still be there when she came back

I think what naturally slim people don't understand is the spiral of eating and depression we get ourselves into. Although we know it's bad for us and we're going to regret it, at that moment it seems the only thing that can make us feel better.

When you don't feel like going out and want to hide away from the world... Food is a comfort and feels like a friend. I too have avoided friends and refused offers to go out because i'm ashamed and also just dont have the energy... Staying inside is so much easier.

I know it's easy to say and god knows i don't take my own advise...Don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing something positive...Don't look back on the bad times, look forward to the good

 

[jaxx]

The worst thing for me about being overweight was the amount I would sleep - all weekend and as soon as I got in from work, but just like my body is changing so am I - I have more energy now than I ever did and I don't sleep at all during the day.

It's good to know this as I sleep a lot too and have little to no energy. I thought it might be the medication I'm on but I can now see that weight has a lot to do with it as well. I'm hoping I'll not sleep as much when the weight starts dropping off.

 

[phatmomma]

Flipping heck Roch this is a hard one!

I'm not the same as i was 20 yrs ago but that i dont put down to weight gain i put down to life.... I've interacted and learned how to react and get along with my fellow man. I've been fairly lucky that i've not directly to my face been insulted for been fat.

I know i am guilty of making myself this size, as i know i am incapable of losing the weight without surgical intervention.

But you know what? I'm not gonna beat myself up about it and you shouldn't either!

You have done fantastically well losing 50lb since June. You've also, even though in chronic pain, offered advice and support to your fellow wls friends. I sincerely hope you get the cancellation you are working so hard for and i hope Aaron realises what a special woman he has for a mom xxx

 

[united_trekkie]

I have always been quite active - many slim people look at me as if I lying when I say that But just recently I have found it very difficult to do any exercise, I am very frustrated by this....I now cant even stand at the sink for too long when washing up because I get pains in my back (I am very big up top) which is not all it's cracked up to be.!!

Personality wise, I am usually quite a cheerful outgoing person, over the last few months I have been happy to finish work on a Friday and no go out again until Monday morning...Not sure if this is a weight thing, or if I'm becoming a Grumpy old woman at 44 lol

 

[Rache]

oh Roch it's so sad to hear you describe how you feel about yourself..... depression is such a difficult thing to come through and every bad patch does ease. I suffer myself and when I'm bad.....I'm BAD.
You are doing the very best possible thing for yourself..... you are acting positively and making life changes that can only be good for you and your body.
I wish you all the very best for your future and you go girl and shrink that liver!!! xxxx

 

[flabbybumbum]

Roch I thought Id come and find you and see how you are getting on? I dont seem to be allowed to post on your diary link in your siggy.

I see that you have a surgery date...that is SUPERB!! I bet you cant wait you lucky girl!

Grasp this opportunity Roch and regain the control, you deserve to be happy and now its in your reach.

Take care hun xxxxx