I need to vent

[jaxx]

Not sure if I'm posting in the right place and I apologise if my spelling is off as I'm using my iPhone.

I'm having a majorly stressful day and I've fallen off the wagon so to speak. Firstly, my step-mum is in hospital after falling and breaking the neck of her femur. She has Parkinson's which is what caused her to fall and she's deteriorating rapidly. She can hardly talk above a mumble and she can't blink which is causing her eyes to dry and forming painful corneal abrasions. Dad is one of those people who doesn't show his emotions but he said he's slowly losing her more and more each day. I can't get to see her this weekend as I'm working till 8pm. Monday is the earliest I can go. My sister went to see her today and she managed to tell my sis that we've been like daughters to her (she has two children of her own). I don't know how to console my dad either. When his mum died, he drank a lot but he had Christine (my step mum) to help him through it. This past ten years, dad has spent his life dedicated to taking care of Christine and it hasn't been easy for him. When Christine does pass on, he'll have a big hole in his life and I'm hoping he doesn't use alcohol to fill it.

My own real mother is about to go back to the man who's actions in the past has caused her to become suicidal and she can't understand why I'm upset and angry. This has been going on for the past 12 years and everytime she's plucked up the courage to separate with him, I've been there to put her back together. Before she does break it off, she'll be very depressed for months before hand and will have suicidal thoughts. He's not abusive in any way just a very thoughtless man when it comes to other people, including his own children. He'll say something that will upset mum and she'll sit and brood on it for months causing her depression rather than pointing out how hurtful his comment was etc. I can't go through all that again and she can't understand why despite me telling her. She also promised me faithfully that she could never go back to him, I feel so betrayed and stupid for believing that promise. I've decided to harden my heart against the situation and if she starts moaning about him, my response will be 'You knew what he was like', 'You've made your choice you have to deal with it' and 'It has nothing to do with me'. I know it sounds harsh but I've been driven almost to feeling suicidal myself having to deal with her.

Because of being stressed I've overeaten today. I've not eaten much by pre-op standards, just chosen the wrong foods. I'm not beating myself up over it though because I'm only human but I wish I knew why food is the only way I knew how to deal with stress.

 

[jaxx]

Oh and I have an elderly cat at home who I think will need to be put to sleep soon as she's losing weight and drinking loads of water. She already has hyperthyroidism and is on medication for it.

 

[phatmomma]

Jaxx, step back and take a breath....

Firstly i'd like to say that your stepmother does sound very poorly and i hope anytime she has left is spent knowing she is obviously a well loved lady. All you can do for your dad is be an ear to listen too and give as much support as you can.

As for your mom i know what you're saying. We love our families and want to be there (again) for them when things go wrong, however when the same mistake is being repeatedly made it's not easy. I think your attitude to what your mom is possibly planning is a fair one. Many years ago i remember my dad saying ''you made your bed, you lie in it'' to someone (possibly me) and i think it's a good philosophy to have....

I think a lot of us still turn to food in times of stress, we have a whole lifetime behind us that taught us food was our only friend that was always there for us. You have identified your association with food and know you've not been as naughty as you would have been before.

Draw a line under the food today and perhaps think how you could work out a way to deal with stress in another way. Give the street a good pounding, it works for me, i think better when walking xxx

 

[suepat10]

You poor thing, what a terrible time you're going through.

I have to agree 100% with everything Julie's said x x

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Thinking of you at this difficult time,you cant live anyone elses life for them so tell your mum that you have enough to deal with and she must make her mind upo once and for all,Her partner wont change so if she is happy with that then so be it,but you cant deal with her and support your Dad/stepmom at the same time.Tell her you need some support.
As for your dad all you can do is be there when he needs you,Im sure your step mom is loved and knows it.
And finally your puss,I lost a dog last year and know the hurt you are facing but I comforted myself with the thought that he had a long and happy life and was loved to bits.Bless you all and dont worry about the food,get yourself some healthy treats in and enjy without the guilt.Much love Maz x

 

[xxsarahxx]

Hi hun, sounds like you're having a terrible time of it at the moment. If you are anything like me i tend to think that i can heal the world and guess what babes....we can't. All we can do is offer a shoulder, abit of advise if that person chooses to take it and abit of love and tlc to those that are close to us. You will not be able to have any influence on the out comings regarding your step mom, your dad and your mom, just be there for them hun but not at the cost of your own sanity.
Hope things get easier for you x

 

[penguina]

Just to add to all the good wishes and wisdom from above, however much you have to give to other people, you must also take care of yourself. You have done so massively well, and will continue to do so, I am sure.

PS I meant 'above' posts wise not God

 

[jaxx]

Thanks to everyone's replies. I'd had a bad day from the outset as I didn't get to finish my 30 minute walk in the morning before work. My earphones on my mp3 player broke so I had to use some crappy old ones that hurt my ears. I'd forgotten my drink, then halfway into my walk, the battery for my mp3 died and I'd not bought any spares. I just gave up then and caught the bus into town and went and bought a sausage barmcake which I'll admit took me all afternoon to eat and then a colleague gave me a big bag of crisps to finish off (i ate half during the course of the evening). That, on top of what's happening at home made for one horrendous day.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and reply. xx

 

[phatmomma]

Hope you are feeling better Jaxx. Take a bit of time for yourself and chillax. Your food intake wasn't as bad as you think it was xxx

 

[Clare*]

Hi Jaxx,

So sorry to hear you are having such a rough time , i think you are coping extremely well considering the circumstances,i hope you feel better today ... all the best xxx