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I was told I look like a 'recovering anorexic'...

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Anita75

New Member
Last night, when i was out for dinner with a friend, she said to me "i dont know how to say this or if tough love is the best option, but you look like a recovering anorexic'. when i first met you (sept 09) you looked healthy and nice, now you're just skin and bones; and it is NOT pretty". i cannot deny that i was deeply hurt - i felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. she then went on to point and poke all my bones in the chest area, colloar bone and arms.

and now i'm confused, are people calling me skinny as a nickname and in comparison to before? or do they really think i'm skinny? great, something else to worry about.

great, just told mum and she agrees with my friend (only in a nicer way) and has strongly advised me NOT to lose another pound as i'm looking rather small :(.
 
hi hun whats your bmi ? if your worried go to the dietician and she can advise you what weights best for you, people can be cruel with there opinions, they have no right to judge, see what your team thinks, is your band really tight or just right ? its bloody awful how others can make such hurtfull comments, if your team say your at a healthy weight follow what they say not people that know nothing x
 
Thanks, Liz. I saw my bariatric team on Wednesday (21 April) and they seemed really happy with me - didnt express any concern. My BMI is 27.3 so still in the 'overweight' category. my band, i believe, is just right (able to eat anything and everything, just small portion). i do admit that my portions are very small compared to others around me - coupled with the comparison to what i was like 9 mnths ago, maybe that's what's scaring people around me?
 
Anita75 said:
Thanks, Liz. I saw my bariatric team on Wednesday (21 April) and they seemed really happy with me - didnt express any concern. My BMI is 27.3 so still in the 'overweight' category. my band, i believe, is just right (able to eat anything and everything, just small portion). i do admit that my portions are very small compared to others around me - coupled with the comparison to what i was like 9 mnths ago, maybe that's what's scaring people around me?
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Anita you sound just fine to me then the bands doing its job and your bmi is also fine too, at my lowest weight with banding my bmi was also 28, i never got to a normal weight but i was very happy with a bmi of 28 and so you should be too, people around you thats making these comments obviously dont understand how the band works and they cant get there heads around the change in you in such a short space of time, please dont let them put you off, you have done a great job and you have obviously worked hard with the band to get the results you have done, forget what others say if your happy then thats all that matters its there problem not yours, they are either jellous or insecure, dont worry i think your doing great x
 
You need to have a good look in a full length mirror at your self naked. If you like what you see, this is all that matters.
You are doing this because you want to, so sod every one else and do what you are doing for you. Could it be that your friend is jealous of your success. Talk to her and your mum and tell them how you feel.
 
Maybe you could point out to these people that your BMI still states you are over-weight.

People who know us when we are big can see the dramatic weight change, and think they know best about when it is time to stop, but really it's your health professional's opinion that matters, as (I assume) that like most of us, you did this to be healthy.

So people need to look at you objectively, as you are now, and not compare to how we looked before, as we know already we look dramatically different, but all in a good way!

Keep your chin up xx
 
After a great weight loss it can take time to 'grow into our new selves, most people initially can look a bit gaunt. Give yourself time to catch up, keep up with the fluids and vitamins and you'll have anyone who doesn't think you look fabulous eating their words.
hugs
Sandra
 
I think you have to look at the facts realistically. You are 150lb which is 10st 10lb so you are not anywhere near anorexic. If you were very overweight then the difference can frighten some people who knew you before but I think you can safely say to your friend that you are going to continue your journey until you are a healthy BMI. I am 12 stone (5ft 5) and when I say I have another 2 stone to lose people are shocked and say I should stay at what I am- basically they are saying that I should stay overweight. In my experience some of my friends have felt comfortable with having a fat friend and feel threatened that this is now changing. Keep on doing what you are doing until you feel you are healthy and look good. You know your body better than anyone else
 
Doesnt sound like the kind of friend I would want....Jealous perhaps? With friends like her you dont need enemies...maybe its time you lost another 10st-ish......her! x
 
I was watching The Biggest Loser today and there was this guy on the Australian one who got eliminated - he looked pretty good to me , didn't look like he needed to lose any more weight. When they showed him a couple of months later he'd lost more weight and looked even better. I think when you lose a lot of weight it takes a while for people to accept the new you.

I guess your "friend" probably thought she was being helpful in her own tactless way..Or maybe she is jealous. The fact is only you will know when you've reached your goal and when you feel comfortable with yourself.... Anyone can sit back and say you've lost enough but they don't have to live in your body
 
Do you think your friend meant it in a hurtful/jealous way or do you think she was trying to say in a less than tactful way that she is finding it hard to recognise her friend. The reason i ask is i had a huge verbal fight with one of my best friends who felt that losing weight had made me into a "*****". But after some soul searching on her part she realised all that changed was my confidence levels! That is prob a long winded way of saying sometimes friends find it difficult to recognise "us" as they have never seen us "slim" and stronger emotionally! If you can and its important enough for you talk to her and tell her how that comment made you feel and hopefully you will make her see how tactless it was. My bmi is just above yours and i'm still overweight too but my mum is pleading with me to stop i honestly believe its so alien to our friends and family that they find it difficult! You do whats right for you and stand very proud of what you have acheived so far xxx
 
A few people have thought that I have some terrible ilness or something. I think its a huge shock when you see someone who has lost such a large amount of weight as we do after surgery and some people say things that maybe could have been put in a bit of a more tactfull way. I think if I came across someone I hadnt seen for a while and they had lost the same weight as I have I would probably think the same. Most people dont know much about our type of surgery ( even the gp's in some cases ) so a bit of shock, surprise, alarm is to be expected. Most people dont mean any harm they are sometimes a bit worried about your rapid weight loss. Even my wi fit tells me i'm loosing weight to fast. On the whole I think when the understand that you are doing as you should and its all fine they are happy for you.
 
gaelic girl said:
Just wanted to apologise in case i offended anyone with my use of terminology earlier i see its been "bleeped" sorry mods too if i caused any offence xx
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The system has a set of words that are automatically "bleeped" out.:)
 
Perception is a funny thing, and inevitably people who've known you since the beginning will have a different views of what they see.
Such a dramatic change in such short period of time can be disconcerting. The truth is that nobody likes change, and you've changed.
Mother's too struggle with the differences that happen in their daughters. (I'm sure you can remember a time when she's told you that you really should lose some weight)
They are never satisfied because they are secretly in competition with you (this is almost always entirely subconscious)
As other posters have said, take the advice of your HCP, and know that they are the impartial participants and only have your best interests at the heart of all their advice and opinions.

Your friend will get over it, or she will move on, as sometimes happens to friends. Your mum will probably always think that you're too thin or too fat... it's just how mum's are!
 
its amazing how people judge you on the way you look , too fat ,too slim, it should be how you feel and if your happy and healthier , is this person a true friend ? you will know when you've lost enough for you ! so don't be bullied one way or the other. You've done great in 9months , i hope i have as much success ,i'm sure its not been easy.x
 
Hiya Your friend maybe just worried about you, the way she said it, is this her normal personality? If not then maybe it is jealousy.
The only person who knows how they feel is you. Your BMI is over weight so if you don't feel comfortable lose more, your doing this for yourself.
About other people you know when people haven't seen say your children in mths they notice how much they have grown. Where as we don't notice because we are with them all the time. I think its a bit like this and they see it as such a dramatic shock. Don't worry they'll soon get used to the new you. Well done for your weight loss you've done fab xxx
 
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