If it's not one thing, it's your Mother!

[Shadylawns]

Just when you think someone is beginning to understand you - they go and say something which illustrates how naïve about it they are....

My mum was even here yesterday, when my op confirmation letters arrived, and I've been making a much needed last ditch attempt to cut right down to lose some of the weight I've put on.

Today I've felt like death most of the day, and not looked much better either.

Mum rang up to see how I was so, you know, I was honest with her, telling her I'd been sick this morning, and felt like poo. She agreed it could be partly down to anxiety about it all, but then said "well, get something decent to eat then!" And I said I couldn't really as that would defeat the object wouldn't it? And she came back with "well if you'd have done this before, you wouldn't have had to try and do it now would you?!".

I'm afraid I raised my voice and said to her "if I could do that mother, I wouldn't be sat here now, waiting to have a bypass, would I?!!". I was exasperated!!

You know, the times and times we've talked about it, and she still doesn't get it!!

Oh I'm pig sick. I'm relying on her for lifts to and from the Pre op, as i wont have the car that day, and she's taking me for the op too!

:cry:

 

[lyzzyanne]

This is why my mum was only told the day before I hd the op!!!

 

[SleeveGirl]

Oh bless ya hun. Hope you're ok x

 

[sharynt]

mums can be ******* cant they! My mum has had eating disorders all her life so was very reluctant in telling her. Her response of "I cant imagine you skinny" summed it all up lol. As long as I am happy ive decided that is all that matters. I will be watching out to see how you get on! Good luck xx

 

[Shadylawns]

Thanks girls. I'm sure it's just pure ignorance on her part, but it doesn't help! I shall just have to bite my tongue.

 

[Yvessa]

My mum and I have had a saga of a relationship. It's pretty well documented in my diary. But recently she has been really positive. Only took a year post op lol.

 

[chrisa]

My mam is a strange one, on my side most of the time but back handed compliments. ALWAYS ENCOURAGING WHEN i LOSE WEIGHT, but if it should go up ohh you'll have too be careful it can all go back on you know. YEAH I KNOW THAT DOHHHHHH. My mam and dad are my biggest supporters along with my hubby and kids and sisters but can still throw spanners in the works. My mam still after all this time is not sure what the difference between band n bypass is!!! They want you to keep on losing but still offer you cake!!! My mam is shorter than me we are now the same weight. She is a little broader on the top to me and thicker round the waist, our hips will be bout the same though, I have morphed into her ha. I have 2 older sisters one is A year older and the other is 2 years older than her. Our oldest sis has had gallstones as did our mam and had the op just praying I don't get them. She is now bigger than I am now when we were kids she was always stick thin, until she had an appendicitis when she was bout 19, then got wed and had a child, she still wasnt huge but now she is around 17 n 1/2 stone. For a long time I was the largest in our family now I'm not I am in the middle yeahhh!! My middle sister lives and breathes ww. She hag gone for years and has coe down from a size 18 and now in a 12. she fight day in day out week in week out, she is a cook at a local school but is very disciplined with herself. She keeps her weight very low now, we look alike facially especially since I lost my weight. Think she would be offended if any one thought she was me, yet loads comment at how much I look like her ha x she would die. xx Just gotta brush off the ignorance its allways guna be there, just gotta move on and get this outta the way you can lose this bit weight, and get this op if you really want it you will do it. xx

 

[lyzzyanne]

At the end of the day we have to do it for ourselves. Another reason I didn't want to tell mum was because she can't keep her mouth shut, considering she is house bound she still told all her carers and anyone else who would listen what I had had done, My dad on the other hand knew from the beginning and didn't tell a soul.

The thing is my mum swears she hasn't told anyone except....... you know how they are!!!

I am now getting the other end of it. I have lost 10 stone and would like to lose a couple more, but she is now telling me I have lost too much and that I am anorexic, it goes in one ear and out the other!!!

 

[Shadylawns]

Hi Chrisa thanks for the reply, my mum is only about 5'1", she's got a bit of a pot belly now like, haha, but bless her, her feet and ankles are shot so she isn't half as sprightly as she once was! When she was younger she was a proper skinny min, 6 and a half stone when she married my late Dad!

I'm an only child and so is hubby, so we don't have family to either support or interfere in that respect, our kids (19 & 13) are supportive though. My late Dad's widow seems supportive but keeps her distance (to be honest that's how I like it). Hubby's mum is on her own in the East Midlands, but we chat. Sometimes she's really funny and helpful despite not being well herself. We have similar natures.

The worst thing is that Hubby works away, 9 weeks away and 3 here. He's home at the mo', but is on a course up at Peterlee (with the car) hence why my Mam is taking me to the preop.

So I don't have a big family network really, but it doesn't bother me, as the ones who count are the supportive ones. Hubby is mega proud of me.

 

[chrisa]

My mam says I look just right now and shouldn t loose any more, I am 14 st 3- 7. Keeps fluctuating in this range, This was what I was when I left school n got married when I was 19. I am 47 now and back to where i started. It was having the children that started the weight gain, oh n wine n cider. Now I drink rose wine sparingly and vodka n lemonade. I am a size 18 in just bout everything, my hips n bum are my worst areas. So i CAN AFFORD TO LOSE MORE BUT BODY NOT COMPLYING. Mother says no more, we will see. hax Older sister is supportive sime of the time but has been very jealous at times. xx Good luck wiht ya journey and up n coming op xx oh my starting weight was 24 st 11 at my hevaiest xx

 

[Yvessa]

To be honest my relationship with my mother is so interlinked with my weight I couldn't seperate the two. I have learned to keep her at a distance to protect myself.

 

[Crazy Lady]

I have not told my mother and never will. Her comments are so spiteful. She thinks I went to hospital to have my hiatus hernia repaired, which was partially true as i had it repaired at the same time. She thinks I've been dieting and when I recently offered her some of my size 18 clothes she asked if she should keep them until I put the weight back on as she says I always do. I'm so lucky I have a very supportive partner who paid for my band. I have only told 3 people and none of them are family.

 

[Shadylawns]

I don't think many people do it to be deliberately vindictive (in my case), they're just totally thoughtless. It's difficult discussing the Pre and post op diet with mum, she wouldn't know a carb if it poked her in the eye!

 

[pollybree]

Thanks girls. I'm sure it's just pure ignorance on her part, but it doesn't help! I shall just have to bite my tongue.

Hi I was wondering what hospital you were having your op at??

 

[Shadylawns]

Pollybree, hi, I'm having it at Sunderland Royal. It was only after the seminar there, back in September 2011 that more local hospitals started to do WLS. But I stuck with the SRH. It's been over two years now since I was first referred to our PCT!!

 

[Shadylawns]

My Mother has just excelled herself again! I rang her just to check it was still ok to take me for my Pre op assessment tomorrow, and she said yes, fine, what time was it again? So I said two o'clock, and she said......wait for it......."oh, you'll want some dinner before you go". :sigh2:

Someone just shoot me.........

 

[novamay]

She must be related to my Mum In Law who is still trying to force feed me biscuits/cream cakes/cereal bars/trifle .... then saying in the next breath that she's in awe of the way I'm 'being good' and saying no - go figure!

 

[Shadylawns]

Sounds like jealousy - that you're succeeding at something, and doin very blummin good at it!!

Luckily, my MiL is pretty good, she asks me lots of questions and seems to understand my demons, where as my mum still seems to think, why can't I just eat normally like other people?!

 

[novamay]

want to swap Mum in Laws? (only joking) mine is great in every other aspect - she's just a bit fixated on feeding others - having raised two strapping fellows who will eat for England.

I know what you mean about others thinking 'why can't you just eat normal food' and for the first couple of weeks I felt like a freak having to have stuff pureed. Now I eat most things but going out to friends or shopping with sis still causes problems - not for me but for others who feel that they dont want to eat certain foods in front of me or I get pittying looks as they tuck in. Also they seem exasperated because I don't eat bread any more, so they are stumped as to alternatives for sandwiches. The looks I get when I say just put the meat on a plate and I'll bring my own ryvita you'd think I'd asked them to sacrifice a family member. To be honest its still early days for me and I'm just not that into food for once in my life ;-) Its great!

 

[femfrankie]

My MiL is great 99% of the time but blows the remaining 1% of it by handing us a bar of choc and bottle of wine every Saturday?! ... Hubby can never say no & always takes them gleefully while I inwardly sigh deeply and bite my tongue. I will give her fair dues though ..it's always the 85% cocoa choc. Thank goodness I'm not a chocoholic but I too can have my moments. ... Sigh