I'm embarrassed & a complete idiot!!!!!

[ditzeeblonde]

So confession time! I couldn't bring myself to post this yesterday & have spent the time since then beating myself up, so I need to get this out in the open however much I want to hide it!

I had an overwhelming feeling of rebellion yesterday, I had such a high on Weds then have had 2 really low days, feeling stuck in the house with no phone calls or visits from friends & started wallowing in self pity (wisping!).

The feelings of wanting to eat came over me & as my daughter decided that she didn't want her toast, I ate it!! (I'm only 2 weeks post op, what was I thinking?) I chewed & chewed it & ate 1 1/2 slices!! I felt no restriction, I didn't feel overly full, I didn't feel sick... all I felt was this overwhelming guilt & stupidity! It was almost like I wanted to push my pouch into doing something that would make me feel like it worked & I didn't get the result I wanted! Stupid huh??

My tummy has felt very tender (like its bruised on the inside iykwim) all I did was sip sip sip afterwards & managed some pureed fish pie for dinner!

I wasn't going to confess on here about this but then realised I'd be going back to my old habits of secret eating & I don't want to be that person anymore!! I'm so scared that I've screwed this up, (sorry now I'm crying) I don't understand why I did what I did but at the back of my mind I just wanted to see if it worked & now I'm scared that it doesn't!!

I don't want any sympathy I don't deserve it, I can't believe I was so stupid to try anything like that!!! Am going to stick to fluids today & hope that I can help my tender tummy feel better!

Sorry for letting the side down. xxx:cry:

 

[cherry]

babes you ahve not let the side down!!!!, your only human, and you ve had a lil lapse thats all, today is a fresh new day n all that, it doesnt help if you feel like your not getting much support so that alone will take extreme will power not to sneak your 'fix' back in........i would say try not to beat yourself up over it, fresh new day and get back on track tho i will send some ((( hugs))) xxxxxx

 

[slimmerkay]

Oh you're not alone Linzi. I took the boys to MacDonalds for tea last night whilst Dad got on with the house move and I had about 8 fries from Xander I didn't need them, I just wanted them.

They went down really well with no effect, HOWEVER in the morning I bit just the teeniest corner of Paul's toast and it immediately got stuck

But I am craving toast sooooooo bad at the moment :cry:

 

[Sambucca]

Oh Linzi,

The bypass is unfortunately not a cure for our old habits, and it takes a long time to get to grips with the new way of eating.

Yesterday is gone now. Forget it. But please dont push your pouch at this stage hun as you dont know what damage you may be doing.

You will be able to eat toast again ( I can finally manage 2 slices now, minus crusts on a good day), but you dont need it at this early stage.

Hope you have a good weekend hun x

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Thanks guys.... I had really felt in the swing of things too.

The thing is I don't even really like toast!!

I am worried about what damage I have done & hopefully that will now stay with me so I'm not so bloomin' stupid again!!

Thanks again. x

 

[phatmomma]

Linzi i'm ashamed to admit that you didn't beat me on the testing of the bypass tummy! I was nibbling on cooked chicken & bread within the second week! My provider says a month on fluids/month on puree then solids.... I didn't stick to this but if they ask i'll deny all knowledge

I think with all things we want to test it to see if it works, and now you know it did because your pouch was sore afterwards...

As someone else said yesterday has gone, today is a new day for a new you! Stop beating yourself up, you've satisfied a curiosity, and believe me when you start on solid food you will believe you have had a bypass!

Good luck girl xx

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Thanks Julie... funnily enough you were the person I thought about emailing a secret confession too! I don't know why but I just felt I could be honest with you about it & that you'd give me that kick up the backside!!

Thank you for sharing about yr little blip too... xxxx

 

[Linski]

Linzi, don't be too hard on yourself, although its not good to jepordise your bypass you are human. I am pre-op and I am worried how I will cope without being able to have food to give me a hug! But I know I wil do it although with the odd blip. You have been so focused and have done wonderfully well. So put it down to experience and like you say rest pouchy today. Today is a new day and the fact you have had the courage to post this is a huge milestone ( You could have kept it a secret to mimic secret eating pre -op) but you didn't so WELL DONE. Don't mull over you mistake, celebrate and be proud you recognised this was silly and be proud you shared this with us.

Get back on track now and realise the only person you are hurting is yourself.

Another thing I will say is that after I have had an operation (9) Its common to feel a little down. It's the anti climax its over (adrenalin runs high per-op lol) and the anaesetic has an effect on hormones and everything.

While I am not saying to have toast yesterday is ok, I think you should also try and focus on you are no longer actually on a diet as you should be able to eat whatever you fancy but in small portions. How wonderful will that be once you have adjusted all this in your mind in time? YOU ARE ON A REALLY EXCITING JOURNEY LINZ - BACK ON TRACK NOW AND PUT YESTERDAY BEHIND YOU.

Love linski
xxxxxx

 

[emma-louise]

hi there linzi

dont be too hard on yourself we all make mistakes without even thinking,I was cooking tea yesterday for my two children and I ALMOST went to taste their food as it smelt so good,until I realised and snapped out of my food daydream!
I only had my operation on monday,and Im having trouble remembering to drink all the time,and get enough milk in.
And Im sick OF OXO!!!

take care sweet xxx

 

[Neen]

It's called being human, and so what if you lapsed into old habits for a second, the consequences are just going to help your resolve because you didn't feel good doing the old behaviour and you will want to avoid that discomfort and regret in the future. Use it as a good tool to remind you of what does not work and look ahead instead. There are no mistakes, only learning x

 

[dawny]

oi ditzee, why are you feeling like this, how many times have you read posts exactly the same as yours, and how many times have you said, dont beat yourself up, your only human, just get backon the wagon. we ALL do it, thats why this site works, cos we all pick each other up and support each other. so dont be hard on yourself, big hugs n snugglesxx

 

[Bev]

Hi Linzi, I think this thread may have crossed with the other one I replied to...

Hoping that by now, you are feeling better and moving ahead with plans with your family...

I don't think you should even think about the toast again... it's done and get on track... eventually you are going to be having what you enjoy in very small portions... so just keep positive and keep going...

It's so normal to feel hunger and respond... but get right back on track now Angel...

Also, give some of your pals a call and they may be waiting to hear from you and start to call around.

The main thing here I think Linzi is to stop feeling guilt and shame.... get that right out of your mind....it's a waste of good energy and so non productive.

As always, sending love and hugs xxx

 

[ladylite]

I hope you dont take this the wrong way but your post made me laugh.

It reminded me of when I did something similar, now that seems ages ago, and on the odd occasion I still am naughty, but as they say we are human. We arent gonna change our habits overnight.

If you think of it, even slim well controlled eaters have the odd mishap when things go wrong, but they never feel guilty cause it doesnt show on their hips.

Chin up, onwards and upwards - you will be fine. xxxx

 

[dottychic]

Linzi I hope you are feeling a little less guilty now, it makes it a bit easier knowing no one else is perfect either Except me obviously You are doing fab, be kind to yourself X

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Thanks guys... what a bloomin' wally I am honestly!!

Back to liquids today, drank plenty of water & just had some chicken & sweetcorn soup for lunch. My tummy feels tender to the touch, I'm hoping/guessing my little incident has made my tummy swollen & thats why its tender again?

I tell you what... nothing like that will be happening again!!

 

[zns]

The sound of toast is quite appealing I must admit lol Im sure most of us will do something 'wrong' as it were at one time or another. The important thing is picking up on it and working with yourself not to do it again. I hope it doesnt cause too much pain. Im sure it will be whats causing the tenderness x

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Thanks misses... I just feel such a plonker!!

How are you feeling?? xx

 

[sugga]

Hi lovey, glad your back on track, and starting to feel better soon. We are all human and will make mistakes in life. A new day, a new start x

 

[Grace]

Hi Linzi. I've just found this thread, and just wanted to send you a big hug and ask how you're doing now? poor little pouchy is probably feeling a bit bruised and sorry for herself after the toast attack!

It is hard to stay on the straight and narrow and you've been doing so well, I've really been admiring how healthy your diet has been. You maybe need to find nice and 'safe' food to have if you're missing food. There's only so much soup/yoghurt/milk you can have without going a bit stir-crazy!

It is difficult at this stage though, I know. I'm 6 weeks post-op now, approaching 7, and when I spoke to the dietician earlier on this week she told me she wants me to stay on 'soft' food (casseroles, eggs, cheese etc) for another FIVE WEEKS!!!!!!
The only positive thing I can say, apart from don't beat yourself up, because it's pointless, is try to hang on in there. It's not forever (the boring diet I mean), you know now that pouchy is working, and you don't want to sabotage that.

Sending lots of hugs,
Charis xxx

 

[hsmel]

:sign0007:Oh but that could still be me . . . I sometimes used to eat things before I realised they were in my mouth!! Must admit I looked longingly at a chicken dipper with chillli sauce tonight but then i think to myself that sometime soon I WILL be able to eat them again . . and probably just one instead of twelve!

I think you have done so well so far and have been looking at your food diary in planning my own - but I wont add the bit of toast eh!!!