Is it only me?

[gingernutter]

Does anyone else feel that their weight problem causes other "normal" people to treat them poorly at times?

or is it just me?

Last year on a flight back from the USA I was abused by a fellow traveller, she called me a fat slob because my seat was rocking when I moved. (doesn't everyone's?) I told her off but there was no satisfaction in telling her off. She just sneered back at me.

Being a very over weight lady I have had a number of bad experiences with peoples attitudes which I feel would have been different if I wasn't obese. Or maybe I am just paranoid.

 

[clairelou]

Sarah i know where your coming from on that one. Being overweight is like a coat & all people see is the outer not whats underneath.

If that is some peoples first impression is that your big & sometimes they don`t wanna get past that...but that is THEIR problem!!

Don`t get paranoid, just pity their superficial view of life x

 

[phatgirl]

Gosh, no, Sarah. It is not only you. People have different reactions to overweight people, some are subtle, like counting you out mentally of activities because "she wouldn't enjoy that". Others are more obvious when they say "I really respect how you don't seem to mind being overweight, you still have confidence". That one is my favorite type of put down, see I complimented you but I also dissed you. How would someone know you don't mind being fat? Just because I love myself and respect myself does not mean that I don't mind!!!! Anyway, people do treat large people differently. In school, I was always the "safe" friend to let be alone with other's boyfriends because they thought I was no threat because I was fat. And I was always the girl who looked better as the night went on in the bars, like I should be grateful for the attention. Um, no! Not grateful, outraged!! Sorry to go on and on but you struck a nerve and I wanted you to know I agree with you. So there!

 

[phatgirl]

After my rant and reading Clairlou's post, I also agree that it is their issue. People are going see what they want in you no matter what. Be the best possible person you can be and forget them, if they are decent they will get the picture that you are wonderful from the inside out and all will be great!

 

[ditzyangeluk]

Had it all my life from the time I started mixing with others!! In my case, it toughened me up, but I know others go exactly the opposite way. If I was called names about my weight I would reply "when I'm as big as your mouth I'll worry" or "I can lose weight, but you'll always be rude & nasty - poor you"

I never ignored unless it was embarrassing others - hey, if they can't take it, they shouldn't dish it!!

It's a cruel sad world we live in unfortunately

 

[callysplace]

Worst type of person is the one that doesnt say anything, just stands there and looks you up and down with a sneer on their face, or when someone who has a drink down there neck and feels the need to mention your weight and justifies it because they are just been "honest" as if that makes it any better!!!
The thing is people are always going to treat you that way if they can get away with it, but the main thing is with the weight loss comes lots more confidence and you are less likely to put up with their rubbish!

 

[gingernutter]

So! it seems that I am not alone!!! good!! I was starting to feel lonely.

Thank you

 

[charliegirl]

Hi Sarah, since I gained weight I get people treating me like I am thick with no personality and no sense of humour, I get excluded from things in work because they just see a fat middle aged person. There are two young girls in their late 20's who have both seen me in a different light because they took the time to get to know me. Maybe the skinny minis think fat is catching so are horrible to make us keep our distance....xx

 

[tammy]

Sarah you def not alone. people assume because you have weight issues that you are s***. had it all my life and have become immune to it in some ways but it still does hurt! peoples reactions to me now i have lost so much is totally different but doesn't make me forget how they made me feel before. xx

 

[gingernutter]

charliegirl thanks you know where Im at, bless

Tammy, I didn't dare say s*** but thank you for saying it for me. I too lost LOADS of weight, 7 stones. At that point I realized that people were treating me differently. I was treated with more respect.

I am glad that I am not alone.

 

[ditzyangeluk]

...Maybe the skinny minis think fat is catching ...

I always joke about that ... but at least you get the seat to yourself on a bus!!

 

[charliegirl]

Another thing I noticed as I gained weight was that whilst I was never a stunner sometimes in the right light I could look farily attractive when I gained weight I went ugly!!! xx

 

[gingernutter]

Oh! Linda, I don't believe you!! you went ugly!!! surely not! LOL

I know where you are coming from. When I look at my photo's at 10 stones and my now my photo's at 19 stone i know what i like best!!! LOL I will find a photo to post on here later. You can see I look ten years younger with the weight off.

Its all about how we feel about ourselves. I don't hate myself but i do hate the FAT. I also know that when I lost 7 stone that I was much happier. I was healthier and my problems were easier to deal with as I had more confidence. I do understand that losing this weight won't solve all my problems in life and lets face it anyone who thinks that WLS will do it all is not a suitable candidate for the WLS.

The question remains do people treat us differently because we are FAT. In my experience I think they do.

 

[Silver Shoes]

Hi.

I totally agree with you. People do seem to have such a problem with overweight people, if they've never had a weight problem themselves.

One of my worst experiences was when I was pregnant with my 1st child....The strange thing is I wasnt actually overweight then, just 20 odd weeks preggers and some lad said "look at that fat cow!" Well, I was mortified. I never thought I would get a nasty comment like that whilst being pregnant, but I did. I have always remembered that, and I felt like I was back at school, on the end of other kids cruel comments. People do treat you differently if you are heavy and it is wrong.

Kel xxx

 

[charliegirl]

Aw kel there are some horrible people in this world, he probably does not even remember saying that and his comment will be with your forever. Thankfully there are many many good people in the world too....xx

 

[gingernutter]

this time last year I went to Boston US. On the way back the women behind me complained because my seat was rocking when I moved. dont need to explain, you all know. To cut a long story short she called me a fat slob. I told her off and I told her she was letting herself down. I had to then put up with her digging her knees into my seat. When I returned home i complained to BA. BA gave me free airmiles for my troubles but it doesn't stop there. I know I should get over it but I am still licking my wounds.

Yes I am angry about this but I still blame myself. It is me who put myself in this position by being so over weight.

That women was wrong to abuse me. This is what prompted me to ask the question Is it just me or am I alone?

Thanks for the replies they have helped me heal.

 

[hopelesscase]

Oh sarah you are so not alone i think the most upsetting experiance i ever had was when a five yr old child at the rugby club asked me why i was so fat!! Befor i even got chance to answer he said "my mummy says its because you eat too much". Whilst stood there gobsmacked he then asked "why do you eat too much if its going to make you fat".
I was absolulty horrified to think that i had been the topic of conversation between a child and his mother but could just imagine the topic of conversation between her and the other mums in the playground (you will never guess what my little charlie asked last night).
I have many friends at the rugby club and know this family is rather outspoken so decided to tackle the mother about her son and her reaction was "when my children ask me a question i always give them the facts and the truth" to cover my embarressment i said did it ever occure to you that there could be a medical reason(although theres not) " yes but for the majority of people who are fat thats not the case and hes too young to understand that"
My final responce was so in the meantime you feel its ok for him to go around humiliating people because you dont think hes old enough to be told when asking you a question that some people may be fat because they cant help it.
Some of the men who were around at the time and are big burly rugby players and had shifted from one foot to the other during the conversation as i decided to tackle her in front of people and not by herself came up to me later in the day congratulated me for being so up front as they even though fit had issues with their weight and wouldnt of been able to tackle her as i had. Funnily enough iv'e not seen them at the club for some time.

 

[gingernutter]

Hi Hopelesscase,

thank you so much for sharing your own experince, I am sure it must be painful to recall it. How awful! what a nasty, ignorant women. What sort of an example is she to her children. I agree with you if she felt it necessary to give her child that infomation then she should have given a better explanation. She is instilling her child with a prejudice at such an early stage in life. I applaud you on having the courage in confronting her. I know how hard it is to confront someone especially face to face on such a personal level.

When will people learn to be more sensitive and caring.

 

[charliegirl]

HC/Gingercookie, both awuful experiences for you I just dont understand how some people think it is ok to be so nasty to others, its not just us over weight folk that get this its anyone that is slightly different. My ex (the one from last week who is now an ex friend as well). Took me out for a meal one night about 6 years ago, there were 8 of us in the party and I had lost some weight at the time and no where near as big as I am now. One of the ladies said I looked great and had worked hard and Phil said "well it was about time she needed to lose the weight". Nothing was said at the time I was so used to taking his comments but the next day he rang to apologise and I can only imagine it was because his sister in laws had had a go at him. I lived with a guy in scotland and he knew me when I started to gain weight and would support me until we had an argument and then say "your not fat well only from the neck down". I think it is their insecurities they try to pass onto us. I dont know what the answer is except to stand your ground as you both did....xx

 

[gingernutter]

Linda,

Thank God you have said goodbye to that guy! What a complete AH. He sure likes to keep you down. I have seen that befor in people, he is a bully.

When you get your WLS he will be sniffing around like a bee around honey. I hope you know what to do!!! There is so much fun ahead of you just waiting to happen. You go girl! Hopefully i wont be far behind you. We can meet up and have a night out, skinny style.