Oh Nicola, I really wish I could give you real life hug and make all this uncertainty and anguish disappear. Honestly.
The first thing I would suggest is sitting down with your emotions and thoughts and writing it all down. Don't try to over think anything or make the letter to yourself neat or perfect, just let it all flow. You may even want to doodle; do whatever feels right. Once you are done, look it over and see if you can find any precise connections between how you feel and your binging episode (fear, anxiety, guilt, shame. Where do these feelings come from? What is it about the attention you are getting that you don't like? And so on). How has the binge made you feel? God willing, you will be able to use what you have found to help you pause if the need to binge should arise again and hopefully stop yourself. It isn't something that works overnight and sometimes you may find that you take the pause and still binge but its a starting point.
Whatever you do, please, please don't beat yourself, being unkind to yourself when you are this fragile will only make it seem as if World War 3 is going on in your head. You need to remember that this is a steep learning curve and its still early days for you. In time and with help you will learn to cultivate ways of coping with all this Sweetheart. Are you seeing your teams therapist? What are are dealing with is normal and is in no way your fault. Keep talking to us.
xxx