Mind and Body

[Bullyfun]

Hi all

struggling with this me seeing myself as fat still, losing steadily (lost 10 stone 2 so far) and getting the other half and various others saying im looking too thin, still 15 stone six but see myself as 25 and a half stone still, I know I can get into the size 32" waist jeans I set my target of, I know im only a stone from my target of 14 and a half stone but could do with some advice on getting the brain to catch up with the body?

I'm getting told daily my head is too big for my body, ribs and ribcage isnt a good look, you ned a band defill, your too skinny, you look weird and so it goes on.

:cry:

 

[Sambucca]

Bully, first of all, congratulations on such a massive weight loss. You have done exceptionally well.

Your friends and loved ones mean well, I'm sure when they make these comments and Ive had the same from some of my family. The answer that I always give is that I am still medically overweight and want to make the most of the opportunity to lose as much as possible. You could use the same argument if your stats to the left are correct, unless you are very athletic/muscular - in which case BMI is next to useless as a measure of whether you are a healthy weight or not.

Your current weight and height are similar to my husband and I know he hates being the weight he is, so if its the same for you then just let people know you are carrying on till you reach a healthy weight.

Also, as we move to maintenance, we will get some fat redistribution. Its common for example for the face to take on a gaunt appearance, but then fill out a little again as the weight stabilises.

I've really rambled on hun, but dont let people prevent you from getting to your goal. If you stop losing now, would you look back on your journey and think you stopped short of goal and therefore failed (Im certainly not saying you are a failure btw, but I know personally that Im going to be very disappointed if I dont manage to get to a healthy weight.)

 

[gillabean]

Thank you for that advice Sam. I went to singing last night, wearing a new slim-fitting top, and so many people said 'don't lose any more', 'you're looking skinny' etc. Like you, Bully, I am nearly at goal but still a stone above a healthy BMI and although I'm happy being the size I am, I'd still like to be a bit lighter. I know that my face has become a bit saggy with the weight loss and I hope you're right Sam and that my face will fill out a bit.

 

[LizzieBee]

My weight loss has slowed and this has given my skin time to catch up a little, but I prefer my sags to the way I felt before. I think sometimes people make these comments as they no longer recognise us. We're not too skinny, just way skinnier then we were. We do look 'weird' but that's because many of our friends have only known us 'large'. Their picture of us will catch up! Congratulations on your fab loss!
Lx

 

[Neen]

I wouldn't worry...or let the comments worry you...you are no where near underweight! And I don't mean that in a bad way at all btw!!! Maybe it's harder for them to see such a change in a whirlwind of a short time! I agree with Sam and the others here, plus I think it could be a little mixture of concern at the unknown new slim you plus their own insecurities a little as well. You are not suddenly going to gallivant off with a load of floozies now you have lost weight but perhaps your OH has that worry underneath still?
Perhaps you can now start hitting the gym or getting some weight training stuff for home to help redistribute the weight and tone if you haven't started already. No-one can say that a healthy medical weight paired with some nice muscle tone is too skinny can they?
We have ourselves to battle with AND others chipping in...not an easy journey is it?
Well done on what you have acheived so far and I hope the thoughtless and over critical comments don't spoil your feelings of pride and success. You deserve to feel good about what you have done for yourself.

 

[StephieAck]

Ignore them mate, you are rocking your new life and that is all that matters, YOUR view on yourself is what is important and until a doctor tells you to stop losing weight then you ignore everybody else (cept yourself obviously).
Its funny when people say "you look so different, not like you", makes me want to say "no, Im glad I dont look like 'me' any more, the old me was fat and miserable, Im glad I look different".
People are just having their own security challenged, I dont like change myself, I am unnerved when things change too much, so imagine how people are feeling when we are changing so much so quickly around them, it just puts them on edge, though saying that, they should still keep that in check and keep their opinions to themselves if it bothers them that much.
Keep going mate, you are doing so so well xx
Steph xx

 

[Nicoli12]

OMG Bully you have lost so much weight and that is something to be very very proud of. It is hard not to listen to other people as this is new ground that you are on. What is improtant is how YOU feel inside. I have seen other people shift weight and others say 'you look too thin' but this is a jealous side to them. You are probably a bit of a threat now to your friends, slimmed right down, different clothes and life style - good on you!!! Listen to your heart and follow that, you never know what is round the corner!!
Nicky

 

[phatmomma]

When were fat they say get off the bus a couple of stops early n walk.. Now cos you're not fat why the hell can't you stay on the bus till you reach your destination?

Now get toning up that six pack, i am looking forward to perving.. Oops i mean seeing how well you are looking xx

 

[gaelic girl]

It is so strange we get these comments i've lost 8.5 stone and now weigh 11stone 11lbs still overweight cause of bmi, yet i'm getting the same comments as you. Bully you have done amazingly well and don't let anyone take that from you, this is your journey and YOU are the important one its about how you feel and how you want to look at goal. Family and friends are so used to us being big and managing maybe to lose a bit of weight but then put it on again so seeing us "skinny" is something so new that they don't know how to react! Don't worry Hun you keep going until you are happy and feel good about where you are big hugs xx

 

[jaxx]

I think people are so used to see you with more fat on you and they're not sure how to cope with seeing you without the fat.

As for the mental thing. I'm getting it now my myself. I've bought some new jeans and i was convinced they wouldn't fit me, that they wouldn't even go over my hips but they fit me well. I can't get my head round that I have much less of me than before and I still have a 'fat' brain. It will take time for your brain to catch up with your body.

Also don't forget, your surgeon is more qualified to say whether you're too thin or not.

 

[thinkbethin]

Well done on the weight loss xx

 

[Bullyfun]

Thanks all, I can see where the other half is coming from I guess too as she has always seen me as a big lad, I had to goto hospital for a slight defill last night as since my fill two weeks ago ive eaten nothing and got to the stage yesterday where even my own spit wasnt going in/staying down, called the dietician who said it sounded like a small adjustment was needed and was quite normal, good job too it turns out I was dehydrated and thanks to not being able to get anything in for a few days was although losing weight rapidly I was slowly buggering up my kidneys too nothing in nothing out, so gallons of water later feel lots better today. Sod that staying overnight on a drip malarky I have a job to goto at eight in the morning.....
The other half was quite upset when I told her the responses on here and also that the Mr Nijjar said I still had some way to go to ideal weight ( I only want another stone off btw) and said she wanted the old me that was happy and bigger
so it seems im a skinny moody git, who loses his rag at the slightest opportunity now

oh well head down plod on I guess.....

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Thanks all, I can see where the other half is coming from I guess too as she has always seen me as a big lad, I had to goto hospital for a slight defill last night as since my fill two weeks ago ive eaten nothing and got to the stage yesterday where even my own spit wasnt going in/staying down, called the dietician who said it sounded like a small adjustment was needed and was quite normal, good job too it turns out I was dehydrated and thanks to not being able to get anything in for a few days was although losing weight rapidly I was slowly buggering up my kidneys too nothing in nothing out, so gallons of water later feel lots better today. Sod that staying overnight on a drip malarky I have a job to goto at eight in the morning.....
The other half was quite upset when I told her the responses on here and also that the Mr Nijjar said I still had some way to go to ideal weight ( I only want another stone off btw) and said she wanted the old me that was happy and bigger
so it seems im a skinny moody git, who loses his rag at the slightest opportunity now

oh well head down plod on I guess.....

Hello Paul glad you had a de fill nowt worse than living with a tight band i know as ive experienced it and its a bloody awfull thing. You must keep plodding on to target and complete this journey, you have done so well it would be wrong to stop trying now.

When you say the old you that was happy and bigger, were you realy happy then or just a front to hide how you really felt inside ? Stop being moooody or i shall come and smack your ur bum :whoopass: Enjoy your achievements you should be proud not sad, weight loss can make us feel so much better so enjoy it, you look fab by the way, cheer up matey let me know how you get on xxx

 

[Neen]

I think your OH is manipulating you a bit , I hope she can see that emotional blackmail is not going to make either of you feel any better and will do more to drive you away than keep you with her. Focus on your health first and please don't let silly comments stop you from attaining the good health that loved ones should be wanting for you. My OH says he wants me healthy and happy and knows I am going to be loyal thick and thin. I hope very much that your OH can realise being fit and healthy is important to you and become more supportive. Whats the point in wishing your partner to be fat and miserable inside just to suit yourself? It does not make sense if you truly care for that person unconditionally.

 

[tink75]

Hi - I think your weight loss is inspirational to everyone on here. I understand your other halves point of view in that I always had a smiley jolly front on to show other people - however inwardly I was so sad!!!!!!! My husband told me he thought I was happier since surgery last night - this came as a shock to me as I am always moaning about feeling ill - he said it's the things I do now that make him think I am happier not how I act. This might be a good discussion point with your other half - are you doing more now than you ever did - I don't mind taking risks. As for what other people say - it doesn't matter what they think - only you in your heart know where you want to be. I know from your comment on my post you know I still don't like looking in the mirror and someone told me the other day that I looked like I was gaining weight again - I went into full panic mode!!!!!!!!! Anyway I decided not to panic (after asking about 300 people if I looked like I was gaining the weight back) I think people sometimes don't think about how their comment will affect you - good luck on your journey xxx

 

[StephieAck]

Im sorry that she said that to you, she obviously thought that only your body would alter and that your personality and character would stay the same.
From researching it I do know that quite a lot of relationships do break down after weight loss surgery, that did scare me a little pre-op when I researched it, but my relationship has proven itself to be mega strong and I have a very understanding husband, unfortunately not everyone is so lucky.
I do hope that your OH can 'get over herself' a little and just support you and when she gets frustrated at some of your behaviour, she should take a deep breath, remind herself that you need a little extra understanding and get on with things.
We need support right now, not someone that is supposed to love us unconditionally telling us that they want the old us back...how is that being supportive?!
Keep going mate, you are doing so well and from your pics etc any lady would be lucky to have you xx
Steph xx

 

[Bullyfun]

Im sorry that she said that to you, she obviously thought that only your body would alter and that your personality and character would stay the same.
From researching it I do know that quite a lot of relationships do break down after weight loss surgery, that did scare me a little pre-op when I researched it, but my relationship has proven itself to be mega strong and I have a very understanding husband, unfortunately not everyone is so lucky.
I do hope that your OH can 'get over herself' a little and just support you and when she gets frustrated at some of your behaviour, she should take a deep breath, remind herself that you need a little extra understanding and get on with things.
We need support right now, not someone that is supposed to love us unconditionally telling us that they want the old us back...how is that being supportive?!
Keep going mate, you are doing so well and from your pics etc any lady would be lucky to have you xx
Steph xx

well freshly single again the OH binned me today, told me she doesnt like the new me and I had changed
bit of a shock but nothing i can do i guess i just plod on and look forward to living alone again

 

[StephieAck]

It SO isnt my place to comment on your now ex but that is a horrible thing for her to do, you are supposed to love the person for who they are inside and I refuse to believe that you have changed that much that you are completely different, you deserve far more than she could obviously give you and I reckon you will look back on this and think that it was ultimately the best thing.
Im sorry and I hope that you are ok and will continue to be well xx
Steph xx

 

[tink75]

Oh I am so sorry to hear that - if you changing means a more confident and happy you then don't change for any one. Good luck and I hope you find happiness with someone who deserves you xxx

 

[Neen]

I'm sorry Bully. She has made a huge mistake and although things must be so raw right now, you need someone who will love you thick and thin, no matter what life brings. I hope that someone is not too far from being a part of your life.
You have not done anything wrong by getting fitter and healthier and please don't think that you should compromise your health for anyone elses insecurity.
I'm sad that she could not stop her own shortcomings from getting in the way of your happiness together.
Lots of support for you on here so I hope you will stick around and also keep to your new lifestyle of taking care of yourself and being who you want to be inside.