O/T feel so helpless

[Mazza]

Hi everyone

Have had a pretty rough few days and hope you dont mind me sharing this.

My daughter is just finishing year 2 at school and will be 7 in a couple of weeks. Since moving her to this school she has been bullied by one girl which is hopefully sorted now, nothing could have prepared me for the phone call I got from her teacher on Tuesday.

A boy in her class was seen touching her innapropriatly! she was sitting at story time crying quietly and whispering get off me. Oh my god I feel devastated.

The school have phoned the unit that deals with child on child sexual abuse. My daughter has been interviewed by the school (without me there!) and now social services are also involved. I spoke to a lady yesterday who 'claims' that the boy may have been 'just experimenting' I dont know of any 6 year olds that would have any urges to do that! I explained that my daughter has told me has done it before and goes out of his way to single her out. Also how it is affecting her, she is becoming withdrawn (usually she is so lively) and doesnt want to go to school.

Obviously my main worry is my daughter - I dont want to let her out of my sight let alone take her to school. I do feel sorry for the boy though, he may have seen this sort of behaviour which is shocking but worse still may also have been a victim.

I cant sleep, I cant eat, I keep bursting into tears. I was a victim of abuse but not at the hands of another child. I cant beleive this is happening to my little angel. :cry: :cry: :cry:

Maz

 

[Red 42]

Maz love, I really don't know what to say other than if it were my child being put through that I'd be devastated too.

The school have probably spoken with your little girl without you being present because she may have been frightened to talk about such things in front of Mum.

They must have procedures they need to follow, but surely they can't keep both children in close proximity again?

Just be there for her, lots of hugs, kisses and gentle talks if she prompts them....slowly, gently she will open up to you (had to do this with my 16 year old Son earlier this year)

sending lots of love to you and hope it gets settled soon.

Yxx

 

[Mazza]

Thanks Yvonne, yes they are following their procedures, which includes informing the police and social services. Her teacher rang me earlier to say the poilce have said because the school havent excluded him he must be supervised at all times and must never be left on his own with another child.

Thanks again for your kind words x

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Maz, I'm so sorry that your daughter has had a traumatic time. This must also be ever so traumatic for you as well.

It is usual to have a child protection interview without the parent being there. This can be to ensure that the child can be open and is carried out by the designated CP officer in the school and/or CP social worker. They are trained to never ask leading questions and to manage the situation with little emotion in order not to scare the child involved.

Kids do experiment but when this is upsetting for the child on the receiving end it is quite right that strong action needs to be put in place to protect yr daughter and her feelings, help you work with yours and also work with the boy to discover what, if anything, has led to him to think that inappropriate touching is ok.

One thing that I think is imporatant is that you as Mum, try and separate your own understandable horror at the situation from the needs of your little girl. Calmness ( while v hard) and gently allowing her to talk without letting her recognise that she is upsetting Mummy is the key. And also doing some nice things together that will hopefully allow this traumatic time to decrease and hopefully gradually melt away in her mind ( as bad memories should do) and become less important.

It is also important Maz that you try to separate your own experiences from childhood to what has happened. It would be a really good idea to get a lot of support for dealing with all of this.

I real feel for you Maz, but handled in the right way, your child and you can feel ok again.

I did a lot of Child Protection work before I was medically retired. I know how very horrifying this can be, but it really is important to try and remain calm for your daughters sake. Please PM me if you would like to.

With Love from Jen x

 

[Red 42]

:hug99::hug99::hug99:

 

[Mazza]

Thanks Jen, your support and words mean a lot x

I am making sure she doesnt see how upset I am. Its my birthday on Saturday and we have lots of things planned for the day to take our minds of things!

I just want to wrap me and her up in a big cotton wool bubble!

Maz x

 

[Mazza]

:hug99::hug99::hug99:

Thanks for the hugs Yvonne!

 

[Fashionably Late]

I am so terribly sorry. Your poor daughter. I wish I knew what to say. I know I wouldn't want to let my daughter out of my sight either.

 

[quetiapina]

Thanks Jen, your support and words mean a lot x

I am making sure she doesnt see how upset I am. Its my birthday on Saturday and we have lots of things planned for the day to take our minds of things!

I just want to wrap me and her up in a big cotton wool bubble!

Maz x

I know exactly how you feel. I often want to retreat to a soft mossy cave and block out the harsh realities that life so often throws. Very very best wishes to you Maz.
Lv Jen x

 

[archiesmum]

Maz. I don't know what to say and I don't really have any experience in this field as I don't have children but I just wanted to send you my very best wishes and a huge virtual hug.

 

[Mazza]

Maz. I don't know what to say and I don't really have any experience in this field as I don't have children but I just wanted to send you my very best wishes and a huge virtual hug.

Thanks for the virtual hug x x

 

[twinklyhb]

hi maz omg i would`nt know what to do if i was in your situation we send our kids to school thinking they are safe ,you must be devestated love and hugs to you and your family xxheather

 

[Stupid]

i am so so sorry

That sounds horrendous.things like that make me feel the world is a scary place

i was wondering if maybe your daughter at some stage would benefit from counseling to help her

all you can do is be there for your daughter. it sounds horrendous

 

[Snowcrystal]

One thing that I think is imporatant is that you as Mum, try and separate your own understandable horror at the situation from the needs of your little girl. Calmness ( while v hard) and gently allowing her to talk without letting her recognise that she is upsetting Mummy is the key. And also doing some nice things together that will hopefully allow this traumatic time to decrease and hopefully gradually melt away in her mind ( as bad memories should do) and become less important.

I real feel for you Maz, but handled in the right way, your child and you can feel ok again.

I did a lot of Child Protection work before I was medically retired. I know how very horrifying this can be, but it really is important to try and remain calm for your daughters sake. Please PM me if you would like to.

With Love from Jen x

Jen has given you the best possible advice here...I know that it is horrendous in the adult mind for this to happen, especially when it is your child.....But like Jen says, if this can melt away in your daughters memory she can get on with being a 'child'.

The boy could need help..and social services will see to it that he does......In the mean time just make sure that the school keeps you informed...although it does sound like they are doing a very good job so far.

I wish I say say more right now to help you...And if you need another ear to listen...don't hesitate to shout.

(((hugs)))

 

[Mazza]

hi maz omg i would`nt know what to do if i was in your situation we send our kids to school thinking they are safe ,you must be devestated love and hugs to you and your family xxheather

Thanks Heather - yes I am distraught, I cant concentrate at work so have come home early. Going to take her swimming after school, I just dont want to let her out of my sight at the moment x

 

[Mazza]

Jen has given you the best possible advice here...I know that it is horrendous in the adult mind for this to happen, especially when it is your child.....But like Jen says, if this can melt away in your daughters memory she can get on with being a 'child'.

The boy could need help..and social services will see to it that he does......In the mean time just make sure that the school keeps you informed...although it does sound like they are doing a very good job so far.

I wish I say say more right now to help you...And if you need another ear to listen...don't hesitate to shout.

(((hugs)))

Thanks Snow x

 

[irishangel]

I hope you don't mind me replying ..couldn't read & run..

My son - when he was 7yrs old ...was witness to sexual abuse between children in the school toilets ...thankfully he had the presense of mind to report what he'd just seen between the boys straight away to the teacher in the playground...the school called me in immediately ....I was horrified & really upset - of course for my innocent 7yr old witnessing what he did but also for the young boy who was being forced to do things by a boy the same age as my son....the whole situation thoroughly sickened me to the core ...children just shouldn't be aware of such actions.

I feel for you - I worried for a very long time about my son, struggled to deal with it ...thankfully he dealt with it better, the school psychologist helped & answered a lot of his questions where I strugged to explain things, I am very glad to report that he is a normal, very nearly 12 yr old now ...

I am glad for the sake of your daughter that it is out in the open & being dealt with appropriately, I'm so sorry she was subjected to abuse from another child, I know you'll support her & thats what she needs - shes a very clever little girl - to object as she did & I wanted to say please do not feel guilty - I did for a long time - we as the parents are supposed to protect our children - I felt I had failed.

In my sons case the abuser in question was taken into care & the abused little boy was removed from the school by his parents, to somewhere new, with no bad memories.

I pray all turns out well....

Guess I really wanted to say - I'm thinking about you & your little girl


debs xx

 

[BlueDiamond]

Hello there..

I know not everyone will share my view , but I am going to give it all the same.

I do understand the school have rules and procedures to follow..............but OMG all the same, and to say to a parent, "he was just probably experimenting" I think thats a total disgrace, how would they feel if it was their child???????? I am sure they would not take the same view. And tbh I would not feel comfortable knowing my child have been violated in this way and yet the perpertrator is still being taught in the same school, whilst I appreciate the child needs help, having the child in the same school as the victim day in and day out, surely would only prolong her road to recovery !! I must admit I am not an expert in this field, but this is coming from my heart as a mother. I only hope this matter is resolved a.s.a.p for the mother of the child and more importantly the child herself...........my heart goes out to you both, may justice be done. Sorry if this offends anyone, but its how I feel.

All the best - MeJulie xx

 

[Mazza]

I hope you don't mind me replying ..couldn't read & run..

My son - when he was 7yrs old ...was witness to sexual abuse between children in the school toilets ...thankfully he had the presense of mind to report what he'd just seen between the boys straight away to the teacher in the playground...the school called me in immediately ....I was horrified & really upset - of course for my innocent 7yr old witnessing what he did but also for the young boy who was being forced to do things by a boy the same age as my son....the whole situation thoroughly sickened me to the core ...children just shouldn't be aware of such actions.

I feel for you - I worried for a very long time about my son, struggled to deal with it ...thankfully he dealt with it better, the school psychologist helped & answered a lot of his questions where I strugged to explain things, I am very glad to report that he is a normal, very nearly 12 yr old now ...

I am glad for the sake of your daughter that it is out in the open & being dealt with appropriately, I'm so sorry she was subjected to abuse from another child, I know you'll support her & thats what she needs - shes a very clever little girl - to object as she did & I wanted to say please do not feel guilty - I did for a long time - we as the parents are supposed to protect our children - I felt I had failed.

In my sons case the abuser in question was taken into care & the abused little boy was removed from the school by his parents, to somewhere new, with no bad memories.

I pray all turns out well....

Guess I really wanted to say - I'm thinking about you & your little girl


debs xx

Thanks so much Debs for thinking about us both and for your words of advice, it means a lot x x

 

[margaretmc]

Hi Maryann
When I read the title I thought you had eaten something you shouldnt of . I`m so sorry to hear about your little girl God luv her , I hope she will be all right . You would think school would be a safe place for the children . Take care .
Margaret xx