Partner...

[molly68]

I made the decision to go for band surgery 4 weeks ago after toying with the idea for 6 months, and booked it for 19th May. The problem is my mr is not thrilled at the idea and just wont talk about it. He changes the subject or just ignores me with a knowing look. When I challenge him all I get out of him is "whatever makes you happy"

Anyone else had this reaction?? It is really bugging me.

 

[Miss hungry]

I made the decision to go for band surgery 4 weeks ago after toying with the idea for 6 months, and booked it for 19th May. The problem is my mr is not thrilled at the idea and just wont talk about it. He changes the subject or just ignores me with a knowing look. When I challenge him all I get out of him is "whatever makes you happy"

Anyone else had this reaction?? It is really bugging me.

I really bared my soul to my man to get him to understand my reasons for the band. I told him things that I had never shared with him before and even wept a bit. Try that!
xxx

 

[MrsPill]

Its taken me 3 weeks to turn my OH around. It has taken everything I had to talk it through with him and persuade him that its the right thing to do but its not been easy. I empathise with you. Just be strong and know what your doing is the right thing for you.

 

[Katkit1]

Hi Molly - sorry your o/h is not very understanding of what this means to you....perhaps he`s worried about you having the surgery and the `danger` you might be in!

I think as toto above has said you might just have to win him around by explaining to him what it involves.
If he wont listen leave your books open relating to the surgery - at least then you have tried to open his eyes.

He has`nt got weight issues himself has he? If so he may be under the impression that you would want to talk him around to having it done himself in the future.....or, that you may cut his food down to make him healthier - when he does`nt want that for himself!
Try and find out what his worries and concerns are...then you can put his mind at rest.


At a time like this you need all the help and support you can get. I hope he listens to what you have to say hun x









Love Kat x

 

[phatmomma]

Do you think it's because of the cost or does he like his lady plump? There are men out there who like women with curves (i know i'm married to one).... You need to get him to open up and find out what the problem is. If it's that he is worried about the risks from surgery? With all the bad press wls gets it may well be that...

Good luck with him and wls xxx

 

[molly68]

Thanks ladies, I have poured a fair bit out already to get him to understand, but I get the same reaction, do what you want and whatever makes you happy. I'll keep perservering and hopefully I'll get a reaction. x

 

[molly68]

He is prone to putting on weight easily but he is a keep fit freak, gym every day etc. He thinks surgery is cheating, but I have explained that dieting wont ever work for me, and that I'm miserable. He says he understands but follows it with do what you want if it makes you happy. Maybe he is worried about the surgery? He just wont acknowledge it at all. Very frustrating!

 

[Katkit1]

Maybe you could explain to him that you will be slimmer and fitter and able to join him in going to the gym, as well as doing more stuff together as a couple!

Would be nice if he came round to understanding a bit more!








Love Kat x

 

[magicbeans]

trust me the band isnt cheating! i could sit here scoffing chocies all day and the band wouldnt work! u still will have to work with it....trust me when he sees ur portion sizes and how adjusting to these new changes isnt easy, he will see u have worked hard to get ur size.

good luck i'm sure once u have it done he will be on board...some blokes just are a bit like that

my hubby was the one sho suggested the op actually!! haha.... i thought about it for a few months before i made him cough up the cash!

 

[phatmomma]

The band is in now way shape or form cheating. I have mega respect for all of our banders, who have to watch every calorie and work their butts off to get every lb they lose off.....

 

[molly68]

Hopefully he will see just how hard it is going to be and that it is a tool to work with rather than "the easy option" most people think it is. Its frustrating I cant talk to him about it at the moment as its a massive thing thats happening to me. I have a friend that has had it done so I'm not totally alone but it would be nice for him to talk about it.

 

[molly68]

The band is in now way shape or form cheating. I have mega respect for all of our banders, who have to watch every calorie and work their butts off to get every lb they lose off.....

I know that, but I suppose for people without a weight /food problem its difficult to understand. Hopefully he will soon understand just how hard it actually is.

 

[soon2Byummymummy!]

molly i totally understand where your coming from my O/H is fitness freak also he has been a footballer since the age of 8 and if he lays off on the training for a couple of weeks he can easily put up to a stone on which really bothers him even though he looks no different to me hence the constant training which he actually enjoys lol don't get it myself. anyway he said the same when i wanted my band if it will make me happy do it. he hasn't really took any interest other than in how much weight i am losing. does not understand how it works etc and also feels that everyone should be able to just eat less and exercise more like he does which really infuriates me. just do it for your self hun its for you to be comfortable in your own skin not for him i have been trying for the last 11 years to lose the same 7 stone and my o/h has seen all the diets i have tried etc and i know he wants me to be slimmer and healthier and dont forget they may also be worried that we will lose our weight and trade them in for a better model lol go for it i'm so glad i did its the only thing i have done for myself in 14 years xx

 

[Neen]

He's probably doing his best to support you in his way, he's trying to give his blessing to it but clearly he isn't going to be able to understand your reasons totally because he doesn't have the problems with food that you do.
He doesn't understand why you can't just do what he does to manage weight but wants you to be happy with yourself.
You can offer him the opportunity to read up on here about it or read something from your surgeon etc but I don't think you can expect him to be enthusiastic as you are about it until he sees it works for you.
I think also guys are much more matter of fact about all this anyway, you can bounce all your queries etc off us.
My partner was a bit like that when I brought surgery up and he's very supportive now because he can see for himself it's made a difference to me.

 

[katiebaby]

My hubby was the same, I have just returned from my surgery and he said it is a lot to put myself through so he can't condone it. When i originally told him I was having it done he actually said 'no your not' (I was using my own money so that wasn't a consideration) he just really didn't want anything to happen to me. He did gradually come round to it because my answer to his 'no your not' was 'yes I am' and then just carrying on with my life, so he could either go along with it or not. The rest of the family was supportive, they have all seen me in tears before where I have tried and failed to lose weight, so I think in the end he just thought he wasn't going to change my mind so he came on board a bit more. I'm sure that he will come round in the end, especially if you don't give him a choice

 

[molly68]

Thanks for your kind words ladies. He has no choice, I'm going for it with or without him onboard and I'm paying for it myself anyway. I'm sure he will come round when he see's me happy again although I dont expect to be having any big conversations about it.