Psych making life hard for me/How to challenge a decision???

[FireandBlood]

Hey guys,


I have been lurking on this site for a while and I have been so inspired by many of the forum members’ journeys. I have joined because I’m in desperate need of some advice. Sorry I’m very long winded so apologize in advance if I’m rambling.

I was referred by my GP to my local hospital for WLS last May. I met with the Bariatric surgeon and dietician in September and they said that I could possibly have my surgery by that Christmas or latest by January. The dietician said that I would just have to see the psychologist before commencing on to surgery. During this time, my mum was also battling Stage 4 cancer and she unfortunately went downhill fast. By the time of my psych appointment, my mum was in hospice and I was told that my mum was actively dying and only had a few days. The very next day, I had the appointment with the psych and I was hysterical and feeling like I couldn’t live without my mum. The psych discharged me from the service because she felt I wasn’t mentally prepared for my surgery. The next day my mother died.

Surprisingly I coped considerably well with my mother’s death. My GP and I, agreed that the best way for me to move on was to have WLS so I can start leading a productive life. My GP referred me back to Bariatric team and they said that if I could get a letter from the mental health team to confirm that I was stable, I would be accepted back under the care of the bariatric team. I obtained the letter and sent the evidence to the team. I waited 2 months for a date and was given an appointment to see the Psych again in another 3 months.

I finally saw the psych. As soon as I walked in to the office, I knew the appointment was going to be whole lot of trouble and strife. She agreed that I had coped well since my mother’s death but she kept focusing on it and re-directing the discussion to issues of grieve. I told her although I am hurt and missing my mother, my day to day life is more affected by the barriers caused my weight. I told her that I find it hard to go out as people are constantly staring at me and it really affects my mood and self-esteem. Also tried to tell her that I am currently unemployed and am desperate to get off JSA and get a job but it will be impossible for me to get a job the way I am. She agreed but I didn’t feel she really acknowledged my feelings, she keep going back to my mum and grieving. She said that she feels I’m well enough to progress on to surgery but wants me to see the dietician and CNS once again. I left the appointment feeling so depressed and deflated.

Today I got the date for my dietician and consultant appointment and it’s in JANUARY. This morning I could have turned into the incredible hulk. I could understand if was just due to a waiting line but it’s just based on the psych’s judgment which I feel is wrong. I am angry that i have made to excessively wait for these appointments and after that I’m probably going to have to wait another couple of months to be scheduled for surgery. It’s supposed to be six months from referral to treatment or surgery. I really want to challenge this decision but I’m unsure on how to proceed. I have co-morbidities in the form of high blood pressure and heart problems (not severe enough to rule me out for surgery) and thinking that I could get a support letter from those teams?. I was also thinking of contacting PALS. I was just wondering if there’s something else I could do??

 

[sophiapink100]

Really sorry to hear you've had such a struggle. I would definitely contact be PALS team. Unfortunately as I have experienced it isn't as simple as 6 months. I was refereed for surgery and didn't get it for 3 years (it was a slog)

Make sure you keep pushing and contacting people Hun. You will get there and although frustrating January is only 5/6 months away and would give you lots of time to get into the best state of health for the op x

 

[Lincs Lass]

I totally agree, contact PALS. If that doesn't work and you feel you are up to it (simply because some of them need to be heckled and it can be tiring!!) try your MP X

 

[Crystalrainbow]

Hi and welcome to the site hunni am sorry to hear of your tale, and to be honest not sure what to suggest other than what others have said BUT as Sophia has said January is only 6 months away, if nothing is forthcoming for earlier why not be pro active in the meantime ........... get some counseling booked in via your gp, and get a head start on loosing a few lbs that way by the time they see you, they will be pleasantly surprised with your progress, determination and continued commitment.
My wait for surgery was a long 3 years, to be honest, now i'm thankful for the wait, it certainly put my head in the place it needed to be
They only have your best interests at heart hunni, don't feel disheartened and down......... this time you at least got a further appointment that's good news ................. x x x x x

 

[FireandBlood]

Thanks so much for all your swift replies, i really appreciate it.

Really sorry to hear you've had such a struggle. I would definitely contact be PALS team. Unfortunately as I have experienced it isn't as simple as 6 months. I was refereed for surgery and didn't get it for 3 years (it was a slog)

Make sure you keep pushing and contacting people Hun. You will get there and although frustrating January is only 5/6 months away and would give you lots of time to get into the best state of health for the op x

God 3 years would seem like an eternity to me. I know some have had some truly long battle to get their surgery but i do feel a little bit slighted when i see people who started their journey at the same time as me are now bypassed or sleeved and looking very well. I think if i had a stable productive day to day life, i think i could have just taken it on the chin and carried with normal life but i don't have that. I'm scared to go out and i try to not let the gawking, snide comments and always 'helpful' advice not get to me but my armour is starting to wear thin.

I totally agree, contact PALS. If that doesn't work and you feel you are up to it (simply because some of them need to be heckled and it can be tiring!!) try your MP X

Totally forgot about my MP, great idea. I will definitely try that route if a support letter from the GP/other clinics or pal doesn't work. I just need to become tenacious with the matter.

Hi and welcome to the site hunni am sorry to hear of your tale, and to be honest not sure what to suggest other than what others have said BUT as Sophia has said January is only 6 months away, if nothing is forthcoming for earlier why not be pro active in the meantime ........... get some counseling booked in via your gp, and get a head start on loosing a few lbs that way by the time they see you, they will be pleasantly surprised with your progress, determination and continued commitment.
My wait for surgery was a long 3 years, to be honest, now i'm thankful for the wait, it certainly put my head in the place it needed to be
They only have your best interests at heart hunni, don't feel disheartened and down......... this time you at least got a further appointment that's good news ................. x x x x x

I agree with loosing a few lbs in advance, i had started to eat more healthily weeks back in effort not to get any bigger. I'm definitely going to continue with that, i don't want to give them any reason to suspense the process any longer. I wish i felt she had my best interest at heart, there were a few comment that she made that had me side-eyeing her. I'm not trying to feel so disheartened and just go with the flow but i honestly feel devastated.

 

[FireandBlood]

Double post.

 

[Stacey83]

Hi there

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, what a rough time you've had. Like Soph I had to wait 3 year's and jump through many hoops. I think the most important thing is to be as proactive as possible and to show the team how badly you want this and that you want it now but in a positive manner!

Firstly, have you called the dietician and asked for a sooner appointment or to go on a list for cancellations? Have you spoken to your provider and asked why you need to see the dietician again?

Is there a monthly support group at your hospital for bariatric patients? This is a good way of getting to know the team and once they know you they will help you as,well as a great way of meeting fellow pre and post op patients who have all gone through the system...

I'd start off being proactive and positive and if that doesn't get you anywhere then try PALS. I'd just hate for you approaching PALS to backfire and be read as you not being stable enough for surgery. I know what I'm like and I can get fired up and emotional but sometimes this works against me and I shoot myself in the foot so to speak.

6 months is frustrating but it's also only 6 months! A great period of time to get amped for surgery, lose some weight, enjoy Christmas etc... Once I finally got to my first hospital appointment with the surgical team after 2.5 years of jumping hoops it was on 21 January this year, my surgery happened on 30 April! Miracles do happen!

Hang in there, stay positive and it will happen.

X

 

[FireandBlood]

Hi there

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, what a rough time you've had. Like Soph I had to wait 3 year's and jump through many hoops. I think the most important thing is to be as proactive as possible and to show the team how badly you want this and that you want it now but in a positive manner!

Firstly, have you called the dietician and asked for a sooner appointment or to go on a list for cancellations? Have you spoken to your provider and asked why you need to see the dietician again?

Is there a monthly support group at your hospital for bariatric patients? This is a good way of getting to know the team and once they know you they will help you as,well as a great way of meeting fellow pre and post op patients who have all gone through the system...

I'd start off being proactive and positive and if that doesn't get you anywhere then try PALS. I'd just hate for you approaching PALS to backfire and be read as you not being stable enough for surgery. I know what I'm like and I can get fired up and emotional but sometimes this works against me and I shoot myself in the foot so to speak.

6 months is frustrating but it's also only 6 months! A great period of time to get amped for surgery, lose some weight, enjoy Christmas etc... Once I finally got to my first hospital appointment with the surgical team after 2.5 years of jumping hoops it was on 21 January this year, my surgery happened on 30 April! Miracles do happen!

Hang in there, stay positive and it will happen.

X

Thanks for the advice. I didn't think of it like that. By Going straight to pals, i might end up alienating the team and i don't want that. I might get my gp or even myself to talk to psychologist (if that's possible). Hopefully she might reconsider her decision. If i have to wait six months then i'll have to wait but i'll definitely work on get smaller in that time.

 

[sophiapink100]

Hey Hun

Just stick in there, if you can get it sooner then great but 6 months gives you time to get as healthy as possible mentally and physically.

When I finally (after 2 years) got my appt with the hospital it all went very quickly, however it had to be cancelled and rebooked because I wasn't healthy enough. I hated it and hated them for cancelling but looking back it is what I needed.

There is no preparation for how mentally challenging the build up to the op is. The 4 weeks before I cried, got angry, questioned what I was doing etc. It's a massive deal x

 

[Kimberly]

First of all I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum. I know that when I loss my dad I took it really hard and even though it 11 years ago , grief can still hit me , but not so much .
I had a set back for my surgery , I was almost at the starter post having gone through various hoops to get funded for a couple of years . When I had my anesthetic appointment and was told my heart was too poorly for WLS and I was a high risk of dying on the table . Well I was gutted because I thought I was too big for heart surgery . This left me with no hope of a future .both myself and my famiky thought I wouldn't be here this year!!, any way saw a cardiac surgeon who recommended WLS first before heart surgery . Now 8 month on my life has completely changed , I'm not the fastest losser but my for is has been about health , I now lost 6/12 stone .
The reasons I'm telling you this as I was sooooo upset and couldn't stop crying , but I can now look back and see that in hind sight it was for the best , I approached surgery with my eyes wide open aware of all the risks. I can also so say that for me I been very blessed I haven't really had any physical problems infact I'm so much heather and coming off all my blood pressure and heart tablets . I might need heart surgery on my valves later but at least I be fitter and not so big .
As for psychologically if your fortunate to be ok physically , I belive the biggest battle is the one we have to fight in our head . Challenging the inner negative voice that unfortunate dosnt disappear with surgery . Since surgery I have had lots of stress with my old mum being critically ill twice . Her partner being critically ill. . All my old comfort like food have gone I can't use them . I have had to learn new strange rise to cope with the stress, and it's not easy . If your GP or the mental health team are offering any CBT or group work or counselling grap it with both hand honesty your be surprised how helpful it will be in the future .