Putting my affairs in order before my op.

[yorkiegal]

Sorry if this is too much of a downer but I wondered if those of you who have had the surgery, made preparations in the event that you didn't survive it?
I live on my own and don't have any kids but my Dad has asked me to make sure that I leave clear instructions on which companies to contact re household bills, bank accounts etc. I've also had to make arrangements for my dog just in case and write down the details of his likes and dislikes.

I intend to do a full sweep of the flat and remove anything that I wouldn't want my family to see such as diaries etc.

Something else has come up though. Tonight out of interest I searched for a name on facebook and found it. My birth mother. For the first time in my life I have seen a photograph of her. We look quite alike although she is only slightly fat. I made a couple of attempts in the past to reach her but I messed up badly. She never wanted to see me but I guess she might have changed her mind over the years. So now I'm thinking of perhaps writing her a letter to be sent only if I don't make it. I simply don't have the confidence to contact her whilst I'm so fat. I've seen the photos from her friends list of my brothers and cousins and they are all normal looking, in fact some of them are really pretty. Silly of me I know but I can't let them see what I look like.

 

[MrsSAFC]

Me hubby knows everything anyway re banks cash etc xx if you need to wait until later to contact ya birth mam then that's what you do xx you have to be comfortable xxx I'm sure it will work out when ya ready xxx

 

[jo_ jo]

I made letters and funeral details when I have had surgery putting things in order.Go with your gut feeling about your Mam. All the best

Jo
xx

 

[Deets]

i didnt do anything Was feeling positive! One of the girls who travelled with me was super efficient, and organised a will, and other bits and pieces. Cant hurt to be prepared.

Sorry to hear about your relationship with your birth mother - must be so weird seeing her on facebook. I think writing her a letter, just in case, is a good idea. Could be therapeutic for you too x

 

[bigbob]

i had everything in place last week just in case its just what you have too do and after my touch and go i am pleased i did
bob

 

[Louise1]

I've had a few surgeries now as I'm disabled and I have to say I've never done this.
Wondering if I should now though..
xx

 

[BlueDiamond]

I never did this also........ Do what ever you feel is right for you hun -

 

[yorkiegal]

I've had a few surgeries now as I'm disabled and I have to say I've never done this.
Wondering if I should now though..
xx

I just remember how much harder it was for a friend of mine when his mum died, because she'd left no will or instructions. It wasn't until the funeral that he found out he had two siblings and it took him ages to figure out all her bank accounts and insurances etc. He also found some rather naughty items in her sock draw.

I'm just using this as a good reason to declutter too. So loads of books etc are going to the charity shop. Over two weeks to go until my op and I've already packed my hospital bag.

 

[vonny]

I wrote letters back in Feb (1st attempt it wasnt feeling positive at the time) and kept them until I had the op on 19th april (by the time the surgery came i was feeling positive). It was really odd as ive had loads of ops before and have never done this. It was very theraputic and really helped me when i wrote them.
The best part was when i read them back last week had a total giggle at all the letters to friends and family and a little cry when its was for the kids etc.
I think you should do what you think is best for you good luck xxx

 

[jaynefrances]

Similarly to the post above, me and my family had the trauma of deciding what to do when my mum died as she refused to discuss the arrangements when dying. We still sometimes ask one another now whether we made the right decisions and would she have approved. So i decided not to put this burden on my loved ones, i couldn't talk to them about it as i felt too emotional, so i put it all in letters. I did an instruction letter about financial matters and funeral instructions and then wrote individual letters to my nearest and dearest. It took me several attempts to finish them and lots of tears, but it was very cathartic and i felt very calm when i went for my surgery as i knew that everything was in place. I know some people find it morbid, but i'm a very practical person and its not that i was convinced i was going to die, it was more just to be on the safe side. Everyone is different so just do what feels right at the time.
I found my letters recently and re-read them. I was surprised at how sensible and well written they were lol. I a haven't felt able to shred them yet !

 

[kurvykaren]

Hi hun. I guess its a dilemma that we don't think of until a time like this. I think my stuff's mainly in order, hubby knows where all our paperwork is so shouldn;t have any problems.
As for contacting your birth mum that a hard one and I think a decision only you can make. Forgive me for asking but do you have an adoptive mum or family that you could comfortably discuss this with? As someone said earlier I agree it may be an idea to write out what you want to say to her on paper, you may well find it therapuetic, then see if you want to send it on.
I hope you get all the support you need hun.
Take care.
(p.s. my hospital bag is still packed and in the spare room since my non-op in Feb and my new date's not til June! lol)

 

[Fizzy donna]

I have my op soon and I am still debating writing letters etc to my kids and family ! I think it would make me more nervous and unsure of the op . Good luck with your surgery and the decision u make regarding your mum xx

 

[Jane]

It is a hard one to decide, and you really need to do what you feel is best for you.

I had my will sorted and gave my son info he would need to sort out finances online (as hubby is computer illiterate). I was going to make videos for the children (who are all grown up) and hubby, but in the end decided against it as it would be too depressing and upsetting to make. Instead I made a journal of the last few months so they could read it if anything had happened.

All went well and I have been back home since Saturday. I am sure your surgery will be fine too, but do what you feel deep down is right for you.