Really really angry and needed to vent sorryin advance!!

[bichonbabies]

OMG, I've just had a huge row with my oldest friend!! So angry and upset at the same time its un-real.

I haven't told her about my band as not seen her for months. She's gone through IVF fell pregnant and having a very difficult and complicated pregnancy. I have called weekly to offer support. She asked for space and we have all given it her and stayed away. Anyway!!

I just bumped into her shopping. She's into this Vi shake body challenge meal replacement in a big way. She's always loved a bit of pyramid selling. She's done them all and she really gets into it. Anyway she tried her hard sell on me, its not the first time. Anyway obviously I said no but didn't want to get into the reasons why in the middle of Sainsbury's. She then just ripped into me, saying "Well its time to do something about your weight, your not getting any younger, you have really let yourself go" Her partner tried to lead her away saying look how much weight she's lost since we last saw her she's obviously trying so hard.
Her parting shot was (bearing in mind she knows we have been trying for a baby for 7 years)
"You cant be getting upset that fertility centers wont help you when you wont help yourself" and then "If you want to think about bringing a child into the world you need to be prepared to offer it a healthy lifestyle, maybe gods trying to tell you something. These things often happen for a reason" and finally "Some people just shouldn't have children"

I didnt want to scream and shout bearing in mind her baby is due in a month. I just walked away, I just couldnt get over it this was 2 hours ago and Ive walked round in a daze since. Ive just been on facebook wheres shes added a picture of her very under weight sister. Saying look how amazingly good and healthy she looks and has had the cheek to tag me!!!!! OMG why do people do this.
Anyway rant over so sorry to vent, I daren't tell my hubby he has a short fuse and will end up going to see them.
The most upsetting thing is, that my friend is gay and they have had to use donor sperm and IVF. They have faced so much negativity from family and friends. There decision to have a child has destroyed her relationship with her father. He has worried about the effect on the child during school years etc. Yet my hubby and I have supported her 100%. The day she found out she was pregnant we flew to spain to see them (they were spending 3 months there) I was just so happy that it had worked for them.... Now I get this treatment.

 

[Georgie163]

Heavens that was extremely harsh of her. You behaved in the most dignified way possible - to walk away. No one can ever truly know how another person feels so for her to judge you so publicly, bluntly and with such vitriol speaks volumes on the type of person she is, or at least is when it comes to selling her wares. To hit you with the baby stuff is just plain insensitive and below the belt especially for someone who has experienced the difficulties of getting pregnant herself.

So how will you handle the situation now. Do you intend to tell her how much hurt she has caused you? X

 

[Butterfly_lady]

Delete her from facebook and delete her from your life you don't need this kind of *friend*

 

[fayz]

That's terrible, you must be feeling so sad. Once you've gotten over the shock you need to decide if you need such a cruel person in your life. Personally I wouldn't, I'd send her a farewell message wishing her the best with the baby and delete her from Facebook saying that you need friends around you who support and love you no matter what size or shape you are. Big hugs x

 

[Yvessa]

If it was just a random friend then I would ignore it, but your oldest friend is a different thing. First of all, why haven't you told her about the band? Youve said you've not spoken to her in months - I rang my friends and told them about my op. That doesn't excuse her tirade however - write to her and tell her how she made you feel.

 

[clare-revised]

OMFin'GOD!

My advice, at this stage is to do absolutely nothing at all, maybe 'block' her from FB so that 'should' you have a change of heart you will not need to re-request her friendship.

Take stock, then when you are completely calm decide what YOU would like to do for you (as long as its legal???!!!!).
I'm a firm believer in 'act in haste...' and all that & equally... karma' s a *****...

It's easy to say 'forget about what she said' & there's a million reasons for you not to, but right now you hold all the aces over this friendship path, use your time wisely as I suggested & you'll make right decision.

Sending you positivity in waves hun xxx

 

[emmahc1975]

That is truly a horrible way to behave. No-one deserves to be spoken to like that.
If this is unusual behaviour It may be her hormones, pregnancy does play havoc on them, I'd tell her how upset she made you.
However if this is normal behaviour then ditch her. We grow out of friendships over time, there's no point holding on to her just cuz she's your oldest friend.
Either way don't let it upset you too much.
Go shopping & treat yourself to something new!

 

[bichonbabies]

If it was just a random friend then I would ignore it, but your oldest friend is a different thing. First of all, why haven't you told her about the band? Youve said you've not spoken to her in months - I rang my friends and told them about my op. That doesn't excuse her tirade however - write to her and tell her how she made you feel.

She was having such a difficult time she was so ill back in August thought she would loose the baby.
I saw the surgeon and booked for my operation 9 days later. I just didn't want to bother her with my problems. I haven't seen her only spoken to her on the phone since. I think I knew if I told her about the band she would push this Vi meal replacement.
Thank you everyone for you comments xx

 

[chrisa]

Did you say she was a friend and I use the term loosely, some people don't deserve to use the title friend if she is the friend God help anyone that she sees as an enemy. Dear me people in glass houses n all that hope she is disgusted with herself. Poor little baby growing up with that kind of attitude from its mother. A baby hears everything inside the same as out shame on her. another one sided selfish ***** who is only interested in herself and own life think she jealous really of how good you looking if she is 8 month pregnant. Just sit tight your day will come. May be write and explain but do delete her she will get the message loud n clear xx

 

[los in it]

that's soo sad
when its a friend it hurts even more
you did the right thing by walking away
you are right(at least for now)not telling your husband
if you have not spoken with her in a few months then the next few months wont matter has much
not seeing her new baby may hurt you a lot
but remember she will be too wrapped up in babyworld
I wish you well and hope you can somehow push this too one side
one last thing......
how much do you value her friendship? enough to take her back into your life after the baby is here knowing how she felt the last time you saw her or do you think time for a friend clear out as you have loads already?

 

[sarahrob]

Oh honey, what an awful position for you to be in. No matter what she's trying to sell that doesn't give her the right to be so horrid to someone who has been so supportive towards her.

I don't have advice, but wanted to send you warm fuzzies and virtual hugs x

 

[MazRob]

I really feel for you and think you showed remarkable restraint by walking away. Also not telling your husband, knowing he would go round there. Pregnancy does weird things to you but that is no excuse to be so nasty. But you will probably forget what she has said when the baby arrives, I had a fall out with a pregnant friend and I was so upset about missing out on the baby, I ended up calling her before the baby was due and saying I couldn't bear to miss out on her baby. We have been close friends ever since 24 years later. Good luck xxxx

 

[bichonbabies]

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments made me feel so much better. I have taken the advice and deleted her of Facebook. I haven't sent her a message would rather leave for now. Her partner has text saying I don't know what to say!!!
Well don't text then!!

The upside is she wound me up so much that I have never done as much cleaning in such a short amount of tme.
I've known her since primary school we were best friends for years. We met our partners the same week and have not been as close since. Our friendship is over and I'm sad but it seems since my surgery I'm shedding friends at the same rate as weight and to be honest people really do show their true colours and I'm fed up of it. Onwards and upwards I've spent a fortune on baby presents recently and really feel like taking the lot back. I'm sure it will all come out my mum and her mum are best friends xx thank u again all xx

 

[MayraF]

Damn, i admire your self control, you gotta teach me that!! I would have said some things lol!!

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, and i honestly understand the feeling. We never expect people that we have as friends to say such things, so when they do, it hurts even more. I'm sorry that your friendship with her is over, but at this time of change, with the band you have, and trying for a baby, you need to surround yourself with people that bring something positive into your life. Some bridges are really not worth keeping. And you are right about how people show their true colours. In regards to the friends you lost, if they didn't support your choice to have the band, and were bothered enough by it to stop being your friends, they don't deserve you, at all!

To take your mind off things, here's something to make you smile! (i am a bit weird, sorry!)

 

[Jackiesnewstart]

I too have lost my so called best friend during this process but I am so glad she would ring me when she wanted to expected me to always be there for her and even though I asked to help me put a pair of curtains up last year they are still in my cupboard. To cut a very long story short I looked after her cats for a weekend then waited in 2 days while I was on the LSD to collect the keys, I had to go to see my dad who is in his 80's she then rings me repeatedly while I am sorting out a problem on his home phone, when I can't talk to her she turns up at his front door and starts ranting and demanding her house keys. I later found out my dad said he would bring them up to her when he walked me home taking his dog for a walk
She got her keys back the next day even after refusing to answer the door to my dad that night and then came to my home and started shouting about her child's homework that she should have done I threatened to call the police I she became abusive. Lucky I managed to get her out of my home but not before she hit round the face. I think I am very lucky to be away from her I am less stressed but I feel so sorry for her child.

 

[fattyarbuckle]

You can't even blame hormones for such rude behaviour. DELETE AND GOODBYE

 

[Jackiesnewstart]

Bicon you will have lost you weight and maybe some aggro she may realise that you deserve more respect not every thing can be blamed on hormones. I wish you all the best in you weight loss and have lots of fun trying for what I know will me a very much loved and wanted baby xx

 

[ThinnerJemima]

My New Years resolution/action: Remove Toxic 'Friends'.

It's a forward thinking life changing way to go. Deleting 'friends' from contact list has been lovely.

Friends are only friends if you are there for each other no matter what no matter when and it's mutual. Non judgemental. My best friend tells me what I don't want to hear in a nice and caring way and when we know I need to be told. She's also there to then pass me a Kleenex

Onwards and upwards.

 

[fayz]

Bichonbabies saw this and thought of you

 

[borogirl]

I fell out with a good friend about 14 years ago. She hated the fact I had met someone and became vicious. In all honestly I do not and have not missed her. I was always there and she didn't want the situation to change when I met my hubby.
It's a part of life and yes it's sad but you have to focus in your own well bring oppose up her issues. Stay well away from people who use you to make themselves feel better. X