Regret.

[A.Positive]

I apologize in advance but I need somewhere to vent where I won't be judged for my decision to have surgery. I need to be able to say how I feel the process has affected me without hearing, "I told you so". I had someone say to me today and I felt like I had been kicked in the gut.

I will always be grateful for being given the chance to have my sleeve. I have lost near to 4 stone and that is something I could never have done on my own but I scared stiff that I somehow ruined my life. As many of you will know I have been very ill since my surgery and I tried my absolute best to stay positive. I try to focus on the fact that I don't need Metformin anymore and that I have lost 3 dress sizes. I don't want to blame the surgery but I can't seem to stop the words from repeating themselves in my head.

This was all I wanted, I did so much research and spoke with so many people. I knew this had to be done; I feel guilty for feeling this way. I have tried to write this so many times and then deleted it.

I had to close a very successful business; I attempted to do a small amount of work today and even that was extremely difficult for me. My hands shook and the dizziness started, again. Even standing washing the dishes has my legs trembling. Everything makes me feel sick, even things I crave (chicken, fish and veg). Yesterday I had half a boiled egg for breakfast and that had me retching for hours. I couldn't eat for the rest of the day. I am scared to eat, I can't bare the nausea that comes with it. It would be a thousand times worse if I felt hungry, thankfully I don't.

I feel so low at the moment, in limbo. I just want to fast forward 6 months in to the future where, everyone says they feel incredible.

 

[clare-revised]

Dear AP...
You sound in a really bad place at the moment.
Firstly & most importantly you need to make an appointment with your provider, or have you already done this.
Secondly, keep your distance from the 'I told u so' person until.you feel able to respond about why u feel like u do xx

 

[nicola1723]

Hey honey,

Sorry you're still having a rough time. Have you thought about getting a second opinion as you've been pretty ill for a long time now

Sending hugs xx

 

[ThinnerJemima]

Snap.

I'm 8 months out. Can't eat. Live on milk. No end in sight.

There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep the faith.:grouphugg:

 

[Jackiesnewstart]

Hi I had a nightmare of a time after surgery went in for my op in august and had problems that brought me back then burst appendix that took me back twice more so it was Christmas before I was feeling human again but I did get out of hospital for the last time in November. It will get better it just takes time .

 

[Crystalrainbow]

awww honey sending love n hugs your way. I do hope you get sorted soon and start to feel better real quickly. x x x x

 

[Salliebeth]

Sending cyber hugs to u Apositive!!!! Sounds like you are having a tough old time of it!!! Hope it gets sorted for you soon, keep positive and I am sure you will look back and feel different!!! Take care xxx

 

[sarahrob]

You're having such a rough time of it hun, I really feel for you. Don't feel like you have to apologize for saying how you feel x

I really hope that very soon things get so much better that the memory of this time fades to a blur.

 

[Rainbow1233]

Sending hugs xx

 

[Georgie163]

I'm so sorry to hear you going through such a troubling time. I have no advice or reassurances unfortunately because I've yet to have my surgery but I couldn't read this without saying that I truly wish you well and do hope things turn around very soon for you. You just need support right now and those that are saying " I told you so " are probably best reminded that using your ill feeling and low morale is really unkind. It's just not the best time to prove their own point and very unhelpful. Xx

 

[cazmic6]

Sorry ur feeling like that Hun, ive had a bypass but felt like that and only the last month or so ive been feeling better everytime i ate i felt sick still do if i eat stodgy things like yorkshires, crumpets or somtimes bread and rice, i totaly regreted it and used to cry when on my own but it does get easier. if its not getting better speak to your team Im now 6 months post op x

 

[Smallerme]

Such an awful time for you. Hang in there

 

[chrisa]

This is the ideal place to sound off amongst cyber friends that care and understand what you are going through there will always be negativity just concentrate on drinking or eating whateva you can please speak to Scooter she may have a bit of positive advice for ya , take care plod onwards xx

 

[scooter81]

Happy Friday morning to you! first thing first, congrats on all the fantastic things youve achieved so far, anf secondly keep that chin up youve got tons more things "I told you so.." isnt gonna get the chance to.

ive read your other threads and wont say I feel sorry for you, but will say I feel for you and I hear your pain and confusion. Im 2 years post sleeve at the end of Feb and Im still battling things now. Its hard and its painful sometimes, but that makes me realise Im alive. and am thankful as so many times it was funeral prep.

even now i struggle with food. i can eat marginally more than before such as variety and portion and sometimes i ask y i did this to myself. i think how things were and how they are i get the answer. i want to live and choose to. where i was is behind in a tunnel with the bumpy road and i may b takung small steps but its progress. this is thee same for you.

 

[scooter81]

your brave trying egg?! have you tried scrambled egg?? chicken and veg.. steer clear of breast for noe try wing or thigh meat. its different texture. breast meat is more fibrous and clumps into balls when you chew. my sleeve wont process it. veg.. boil the hell out of it.. try roasting it? when you cook yours cut into dmaller bits like frozen mixed veg looks like more and cooks more evenly. i struggle with root veg ie carrotd, potatoes, etc but can eat roast carrot and parsnip.

i also have probs with how food moves through.. i walk for 10 mins after eating - aimlessly round the house or office and it helps oddly enough. on extreme days where everything including makes me sick i have to take dom peridone which im told is an anti sickness and prokinetic as it causes stomach spasms to aid peristalsis and food transition

i know its tough, and its easy for me to say youll b ok and for you to feel that security

 

[scooter81]

but you are not a failure in any way shspe or form. your a fighter and youll get where you want to be without a question of doubt. your one step ahead of everyone who ever said.. i want to do this and didnt because the time wasnt right. ok sucky you have this now but your doing great, be proud.

with the eating you can go back a step and clear fluids. its not failure. i still do on bad days, the dizzyness goes i get energy. you could always boil chicken with veg and drink the broth. i do this in a milk pan - chicken thigh, new pitatos, carrot, whatever else. may be worth the shot

if you need anything just holler/ inbox. im also sorry this is in parts stupid me and phone

 

[Lincs Lass]

Huge cyber hug coming your way (((( ))))

Please please please feel free to vent as much as you need. Sometimes it's the only thing to get you through a bad day xx

 

[A.Positive]

Thank you everyone. Scooter you are an Angel.

I actually decided to go back to liquids, I think that is the best thing to do at this stage. All chicken and all egg makes me sick. God, literally everything.

If I am totally honest, the last people I want to see or speak with are my team. I feel like they have fobbed me off. The don't know the answers but instead of trying to investigate, they pushed out of the door, telling me to "walk it off". I am going to get a second opinion, then I can put my mind at rest.

 

[scooter81]

try not to stress as the knots the tiny gut too x onwards n upwards x

 

[clare-revised]

Thank you everyone. Scooter you are an Angel.

I actually decided to go back to liquids, I think that is the best thing to do at this stage. All chicken and all egg makes me sick. God, literally everything.

If I am totally honest, the last people I want to see or speak with are my team. I feel like they have fobbed me off. The don't know the answers but instead of trying to investigate, they pushed out of the door, telling me to "walk it off". I am going to get a second opinion, then I can put my mind at rest.

Get yourself nice & hydrated, as Scooter said broth type liquids. Make an appt with your team & take someone with you for support & to help you voice your anxieties rationally & insisting on help.
Take your food lists with you & a diary.
Hugs hun xxx