Hi Rose,
Thanks for posting your diaries, I had a read through and it does help to hear from someone who has been through it and tells it like it is...and congratulations on all your success, I bet it feels amazing!
...at present I don't seem to know what is happening, like I said before, i've signed the consent forms
(February 16th) and was told I could be on the waiting list for up to a year. But now I don't know what happens now, is that it, I don't see or hear from anyone until I receive an operation date and then do the pre op diet?
The thing is, is that my opinion of myself and my attitude towards food is terrible at present, and i'm quite ashamed to admit..... whilst not trying to cram every gram of food into me in sight, I have a substantial lack of willpower and am indulging every 'want' on the basis of 'well next year I won't be able to' ?!
However the logical side of me recognises that this isn't a particularly healthy endeavour, but my emotional side doesn't seem to give a rat's ass.....has anyone else felt like this, or do I need to start therapy!!
This week hasn't been great, i've had bronchitis and even though i'm no athlete, I can usually make it up the stairs without breathing apparatus, but this week I have been absolutely floored and even the one flight to go to the bathroom or do washing has left me unable to breathe or speak for a few mins when I get to the top....
.....Also was my stepson's birthday (he lives with me) and we took family pics and I went to put them on my facebook and in the end couldn't bring myself to do it, I don't look how I feel and it's the first time in my life that I am ashamed of how I look. I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said there wasn't an element of vanity in going through this process and having a bypass, i long to be able to shop normally and dress for pleasure, rather than choosing things that will hide my stomach(s), thighs, chins etc and that I won't die of heat stroke in.
But the main reason is my health, I want to have children, (biological ones I mean as I am a mum to three children currently) my blood pressure is high, my cholesterol is high at 7.2, I take an obscene amount of tablets, none of which make me feel any better, I have pcos, insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, underactive thyroid, overactive knife and fork! Type II diabetes.....have taken reductil, xenical, done weight watchers, lighter life, lite 4 life, atkins, low GI diet, seen two dieticians, had personal training, and yet I am the heaviest I have ever been.....and to be honest am utterly miserable, my relationship with food gives me no pleasure anymore.......it seems from reading Rose's diary and some other posts from many of you that have been through this process that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but I am just having a hard time seeing it at the moment.....
....I apologise for the uber rant...but if anyone else could let me know if they've ever felt this way ...so that I know that perhaps I shouldn't be asking for a straight jacket and padded cell rather than a bypass.
Thanks Jaimee xx
I thought it might be of vague interest to some pre-oppers here ?
