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Sleeve Op - How Do I convince Hubby???

Shopgirl1301

New Member
Hi everyone, I've made the decision to go with Cosmetic Bliss and have been approved etc, now to the difficult bit, talking to the other half!!

We have five children aged from 20 - 8 and the last two just tipped me over the edge weight wise, not that I'm blaming them of course, just couldn't seem to bounce back, have tried several diet plans (and pills!) to no avail, you all know the story I'm sure.

This morning wanted to bring it up with him but before I did he'd noticed I wasn't my cheery self and asked what was wrong - "Is it your weight again?"(which automatically puts me in a stroppy defensive mode!!) then I get the "just stop eating then!" and "other people manage to loose weight on Weight Watchers" etc etc, I even managed to do 3 weeks of a boot camp programme recently and didn't loose anything!!

I'm just not sure he's going to understand why I am wanting surgery - how did you approach your partner and speak about it initially, I'm worried sick he's going to be so dead against it that I won't have it done and then eventually eat more because I'm depressed and then someone will take notice when I have a heart attack or a stroke, bit dramatic there but you get the drift,!!

Any advice gratefully received.
Many thanks
Wendyx
 
I'm sorry I can't advise. Mine was the threat of not being around long as I was so obese rather than just not being happy with myself.

Just didn't want to read and run.
 
I think as a Mum, I explained how I wanted to get out and do more with the kids, to feel more feminine (and get my mojo back ;) ) and stop going round in circles, getting so far and then backtracking with the usual diets and diet clubs.
Just explain that you now want to solve your weight issues permanently and really be free to be happy and enjoy your life together from this point on xxx
 
Ask him if he would be happy rearing the youngest single handed?If your weight gets worse you will become more ill,perhaps have a stroke or heart attack,be bed bound or in a wheelchair.Im not saying this to blackmail him its all stuff that could happen.If hes worried about the op take him to see the surgeon.Is he worried about the cost?Yes people lose weight on 'diets'and most put it back on plus,or hasnt he noticed how its impacted on your life.You owe yourself, him and the kids a healthy mum and wife.Ask him what his honest opinion is about surgery,and boy its not a easy quick fix!Maz x
 
Hi wendy :) .. Im preop and completly understand about the other halfs! ... mine is 6ft and built like action man but eats like a horse, It took me ages to pluck up the courage to tell him how i felt, I do really believe though that unless you have had a weight problem you cant truely understand.
just find the right time, and have a heart to heart with him, he doesnt have to completly understand where your coming from but as long as he is willing to support you and be there for this journey then thats a start ...

Good Luck with your journey xxx
 
Thanks for the advice, I'm more concerned that he'll just think I'm weak, he can't actually understand how I can't loose the weight as I don't eat huge meals, I'm a snacker more than anything and of course working from home doesn't help with that!! My dad was overweight and died at 42 years of age from a heart attack, I was 14 when he died and it seemed like he was really old, now I've hit 40 it has dawned on me that it wasn't old at all, and although I miss him still every day I defintely don't want to join him just yet. I might just print out this page and show him as a kick start to the discussion, thanks again everyone x
 
Hi Wendy, just ask him why if it is so easy, does he think that you have not lost weight and kept it off? He must have seen you suffering in the past the low calorie meals etc.
Then suggest that you both go on a 1000 calorie a day diet and see just how long he can keep it up.
Ask him to humour you about the 1000 a day diet and let him see for real how hard it is and how quickly he will put the weight on (If he can sustain long enough to lose anything) worth a shot to let him see how you suffer to lose and then quickly put it back on.
Shaw Somers the WLS surgeon has stated that it is almost impossible for someone who is really overweight to keep the weight off if they manage to lose it (or something along those lines). I have tried looking for this and will post if I am successful

Sorry this link I added no longer works, I will see what else I can find
 
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Can't really add much more to what has been said but just wanted to give you a Big Hug:grouphugg:and wish you all the best and hope that whatever you do decide that your husband can support you as losing weight and keeping it off is not easy and if it were we would not need to be here.


 
just wanted to wish you goodluck. Youve had some good advice up there ^^

It has been the best thing ive done so far and i have no regrets. I found showing people before and after pictures somehow reassured them that i would survive!! might help?

x
 
Found the link on google so have pasted story unfortunately no pics

Lucy Collins leans forward and takes a sip from a small glass of water. As she settles her 27st bulk back in her chair, she smiles. "I feel thinner already!" she jokes. At 27, Lucy is morbidly obese and has just had a potentially life-saving operation at the hands of Dr Shaw Somers, nicknamed the Fat Doctor by his patients.

Making women thin again is the Fat Doctor's mission. He's performed more than 2,000 gastric band and bypass procedures at St Richard's Hospital in Chichester, West Sussex, the NHS' largest obesity clinic. About 800 patients a year will go there for surgery, most of them female. "Women want to change, while men put up with their obesity and die because of it," Dr Somers states.

On the day we visit, there are six hugely overweight patients recovering from the surgery they hope will make them slimmer. They each sip at 10ml cups of water - which is all their new stomachs can handle.

The ward has been adapted to cope with its super-size patients - there are specially widened chairs and strengthened wheelchairs to accommodate their frames.

While their movements are slow, Dr Somers bounds between the beds, checking on his patients. In their eyes, he's a god - and he's received hundreds of thank-you letters from patients whose lives he's transformed.

Lucy is one such patient. The mum of two had a BMI of 54 - that's 29 more than the healthy level. She had her op yesterday and her stomach was reduced by 90 per cent, to about the size of an egg.

After trying - and failing - every diet plan going, she believes this is her last chance. Now she physically can't eat to excess. Losing weight is a given.


Jennifer hopes gastric surgery will change her life
Lucy's size meant she was at risk of heart disease, a stroke and diabetes. Like the 6,000 obese people in the UK who underwent this extreme weight-loss operation last year, she hopes it will make her thin and change her life.

"I knew if I didn't do something I'd die," she says. "I wouldn't be here in five years. I wouldn't see my children grow up."

Lucy's weight gain began when she was just five. "My parents gave me healthy food, but I craved crisps and chocolate," admits the council admin officer from Littlehampton, Sussex.

"The bigger I got, the more I ate. By 15, I weighed 14st. At school I was bullied and called 'thunder thighs'. I shrugged it off but it hurt. I never exercised because I couldn't bear anyone seeing me in gym gear."

Lucy carried on overeating. She met her partner Paul while at school and had their first child, Olivia, when she was 23. After that, her weight ballooned.

"I tried Slimming World, Rosemary Conley and even diet pills, but I hated the side effects - the stomach cramps and always having to rush to the loo," she says.


The Fat Doctor, Dr Shaw Somers, at work
After the couple's second baby, Max, was born in 2007, Lucy reached 27st.

Three months later, she and Paul, 28, an IT manager, got married. When Lucy saw how enormous she looked in her wedding photos, she realised she had a stark choice - diet or die.

"I knew I had to do something," she says. Her GP referred her to Dr Somers.

On the day of her gastric bypass operation, she was given a general anaesthetic, then with a Phil Collins CD playing quietly in the background, Dr Somers got to work.

He sliced through Lucy's skin and fat and pushed her muscles aside to get to her stomach. Then he stapled it so that it was about four times smaller and connected it to the lower part of her digestive system. She'll never be able to overeat again.

It sounds simple, but it's anything but. Lucy's treatment cost the NHS £10,000 and started long before she made it to theatre.

She had consultations with a dietician, a specialist nurse and a surgeon, and like many NHS patients, had to diet to prove she could lose weight independently. Lucy only managed to lose a few pounds, but it was enough to qualify her for surgery.

"People like Lucy are addicted to food, and once they're really obese, telling them to eat less and exercise more simply won't work," explains Dr Somers, 47.

After four hours of surgery the previous day, Lucy is now sitting up, recovering.

"I feel fantastic," she says. "All I have is a slight ache in my stomach. I'll never be able to eat normally, but I'm happy because I'll be able to see my kids grow up."

Lucy, who used to love snacking and polishing off her kids' leftovers between eating large meals, will now live on puréed carrot and chicken, smooth yoghurts and soups. After six months, she'll be able to eat child-sized portions of normal food.

"It sounds extreme," says Lucy. "But I have no regrets."

Gastric surgery is becoming more common in the UK, but it's not without its risks. The mortality rate is about one in 200 for a gastric bypass operation and one in 500 for a band, although it's a lot less with Dr Somers and his team. In one in 100 cases there's some sort of complication, which can delay recovery.

"But you have to remember that the health risks of carrying so much weight are much greater than the risk of surgery," says Dr Somers. "When you're that big, it's a matter of life and death. The people who come to us have tried diet and exercise and it just hasn't worked."

His attitude explains why for Dr Somers, these surgical procedures are just another day in the operating theatre. He carries out surgery on around 10 people a week.

"People tend to ask for bands because they've read about them," explains Dr Somers. "But they're not suitable for everyone. The band works well for people who eat too much at mealtimes. It's not so great for snackers as it won't stop smaller things like chocolate and ice cream going through - a bypass works better for them."

Back on the ward, his other patients are slowly recovering. But there's a hopeful atmosphere as the nurses bustle around.

Everyone here is making a longed-for change to their life. Like 46-year-old Jennifer Sanders.

"When I was young I regularly did karate. I'm 5ft 2in and back then I weighed less than 8½st. But I stopped exercising when I had my family and began to pile on the pounds," Jennifer, a florist from Ashford, Kent, says.

"I'd have two roast dinners a week, and I loved pizza, pies and chips. I never did any sport¿ I hated looking in the mirror. I felt so ugly," she explains.

At her heaviest, she weighed 18st and was a size 24. "I began to really worry about my health. I got osteoarthritis in my knees and I was scared I'd have a heart attack. But when I read about this surgery, it seemed like a lifeline.

"My husband Quentin was against it at first - he said he'd rather have a fat wife than a dead one - but the health risks of being big were far greater than those of the operation."

She's thrilled that she'll now be able to control her eating.

"I can hardly believe it. My life is going to be so different now," she says.

Dr Somers finishes surgery on his final patient at 5pm, having started at 8am, and then visits the wards before going home.

"It's wonderful to see how people's lives change after this surgery," he adds.

"It really does transform them. It's a fabulous job."

We'll keep you posted on Lucy and Jennifer's progress.

THE SUCCESS STORY 'I love showing off my body now'
Beth Burkill, 37, an HR administrator from Chichester, West Sussex, had a gastric bypass with Dr Somers in March 2007. She has since lost 9st.


AFTER: 10ST
Now she's 10st and a size 12.

"I was slim at school, but when I left home and started working in a fast-food outlet, I quickly put on weight. I'd skip breakfast and have a few butter-laden crumpets at 11am. For lunch I'd have scampi or a hot dog and chips, then chocolate bars in the afternoon. I'd go to the pub most nights where I'd drink and snack on crisps, then have a kebab or more chips on the way home. I'm 5ft 7in and quickly got up to 14st and a size 18.

"I tried to diet, and took everything from slimming pills to laxatives, but nothing worked. I lived in dark leggings and baggy tops.

"In 1998, I got married and had my son John, then startedd an office job and ate more sensibly, but four years ago, my father got cancer.

I frequently drove up and down to Leeds to help my mum look after him and I was always on the motorway, snacking in service stations. Soon I was 19st and a size 22.

"One day I was looking at a picture of my mum and my nan. They're both big - my mum is a size 24 and my nan's a 30 - and I realised I didn't want to spend my life like that.


BEFORE: 19ST
"I'd read about gastric surgery and decided it was my last chance, so I went for a consultation with Dr Somers at Streamline Surgical* in February 2007. I used my savings - £9,700 - but my husband and I both agreed it was worth the investment in my health. He knew I'd be happier if I lost the weight."

Eight months later, Beth has lost 9st, and she's lucky her skin has shrunk back with her.

"Now I have to eat little and often, otherwise my tummy feels tight and I feel sick and lightheaded until the food is digested," she says.

"Having the surgery is not an easy option - I will always have to be careful about what I eat - but it's worth it.

"My life has been transformed. I love shopping for fitted clothes in bright colours - I even wore a bikini on holiday this year. I don't want to hide my body any more."
http://www.google.co.uk/#hl=en&xhr=...aqi=&aql=&oq=shaw+so&pbx=1&fp=5f249b55c4d46e3
8th item
 
Just found out that Streamline Surgical Weight Loss Surgery are holding an Information Evening on Tuesday 19th April, 7pm
Nuffield Health Hospital, Guildford
To book a place at this information evening, please call 0800 157 7033 or email [email protected]
Might be worth dragging hubby along
 
I've often found that many reasons why partners oppose surgery is because they are scared of you dying on the table....yes, we know it's a real risk, but to keep things into perspective, the vast majority of people that do die either on the table or within 30 days post-op are those who are super-morbidly obese combined with very serious additional health complications. I think you have been given some excellent advice so far....explain to OH why you want the surgery, how you hope to change your life for him & the kids, drag him along to anything you can get him to so he can listen to first hand experiences from others, get him to read whatever you can lay your hands on...and dare I say it, see if you can get him to come on here & read the experiences of others who have been there & come out the other side. I hope eventually he will see this as something you have very carefully researched & that you have gone into with as much info as possible, & accordingly offer you his full support xxxx
 
I'd explain that increasing weight will eventually polish you off a lot quicker than the average sized person and that if you don't lose it and do have a stroke he could well be dealing with a lot of problems that having a stroke can cause. Having a mother in law who was around 280lb have a stroke and her husband having to wipe her bottom after changing a continence pad is not a nice thing to see i can tell him. Never mind the looking after little ones...

Reassure him that a lot of people have had these ops and come out the other side a lot healthier and happier than before, and the likelihood is he'll get a lot more lovin from a slimmer happier wife too :) If all else fails then follow my method, have it and hope for the best xxx
 
You tell him the fact that you are so unhappy about your weight that you have decided that you are going to have surgery and that you would like him to stand by you and support you through this, but weather he will or wont will have no effect on you going ahead with it :)

Good luck and I hope he sees how much happier and healthier you will be after the surgery
 
Thank you all for your advice, I feel alot more confident with more information to "throw" at him and will update you once I've taken the steps and told him, thanks for the info DaisyMaesy that was an interesting read x
 
You tell him the fact that you are so unhappy about your weight that you have decided that you are going to have surgery and that you would like him to stand by you and support you through this, but weather he will or wont will have no effect on you going ahead with it :)

Good luck and I hope he sees how much happier and healthier you will be after the surgery

A word of warning, The small problem of money enters here and Shopgirl needs to be careful if taking this stance unless it is her money and not joint she will be using. Do not want to add fuel to the fire so she really needs to get him to at least agree to it as well as support her through it
 
It would actually be hubbies money that I would be spending, this probably is why I'm holding back from the discussion as well!! Although I could threaten to sell the jukebox (worth £2,000) and go into our overdraft, that might convince him I'm desperate!! Hopefully will pluck up the courage to have a chat with him tomorrow, watch this space.... lol. x
 
my hubby had seen me go from 10 and half stone when we married to over 20 stone when I made decision after years of diets/pills etc and failing to get weight under control, my problem was always portion size I never felt full and short breaks at work and long hours meant I ate my main meal in evening usually after 7.30 when i got home. When I eventually asked to be referred hubby seemed to accept it but as time got nearer and I had to choose what surgery I wanted he became a bit worried I think mainly at risks and long term imlications of changed eating habits, so one day I went along to the weight loss support group at my hospital and we chatted to pre and post op patients, he was so impressed by the change in people from having surgery came away afterward fully supportive of my choice but even with that right up to evening before admission kept asking me if I still wanted to do it and telling me it was okay if I changed my mind (as if!) now 12 weeks on from sleeve and 3 stone lighter since Xmas he is amazed at the change in me both physically and emotionally.
Think you need to try and make hubby realise that its what you want with or without his support (but you'd prefer his support) and give the reasons why. If you can find a support group locally to you take him along.
Good luck
 
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