Still not being totally honest

[Lincs Lass]

Before my op I wouldn't tell people my weight and was in denial about what I ate.

After my surgery I was more than happy to talk about what I had weighed, what I had lost etc but I've just started lying again. Why? Because everybody I know - without exception - is saying 'you're not going to lose anymore are you?' And instead of saying 'yes, I want to lose 30 lb more', I trot out something like 'no but I've started going to the gym to tone up'.

It literally is everybody. There is not a single person I see regularly who hasn't made that comment in the last couple of weeks. I'm sure a number are genuine observations but I'm certain a number are a bit of the green eyed monster coming out.

I can see this last 30 lb being harder as the support doesn't feel like it's there anymore :-(

Sorry for the moan ladies and gents

 

[Roccosmummy]

Complete jealousy. I've experienced this. With my original Lapband I dropped 6.7 stone taking me from a size 18/20 to a 10/12. As soon as I'd got midway and the loss was showing I had so many stupid comments from all my female friends. The most used and one that sticks in my mind was 'don't lose anymore weight .... You won't be you anymore' !!!
My weight loss didn't suit many if my so called friends. I went from the pretty but fat girl to the
Slim pretty girl and it rattled people.

I bet many people here are experiencing the same negativities. Why can't people just be supportive from beginning to end.

You just drop your last 30lbs. Get to your goal and enjoy the look on those peoples 'concerned' faces.... Concerned they'll be outshone by you ;-)

Well done on your achievement. X

 

[Emma7799]

You carry on and get to your goal - we only know ourselves what our ultimate target is
I will never forget quite a few years ago I worked abroad for 6 months and hit the gym every day to loose weight and my then very best friend told me over the phone - 'you'd better not come back thinner than me!' Well we drifted apart when I came back.

 

[nicola1723]

All reminds me why my best friend is a man! Lol

 

[Lincs Lass]

All reminds me why my best friend is a man! Lol

:8855:

Thank you ladies. I think because I wouldn't dream of saying something like that to someone (unless I had a genuine concern about their health in which case I'd approach it differently anyway) I find it hard to understand why others do.

 

[Paula Garner]

I get that line all the time too. Don't let anyone not make you feel proud of what you've achieved. If you want to lose another 30lb do it. I want to lose another 7lb and I'll be happy. My weight loss is slowing down a lot now, so do it while you can xx

 

[pooh71]

I can totally relate to this. I was just over 32 stone at my heaviest ( only hubby knew), now I'm now just over 20 and a half stone ( still chuffin heavy) people are saying well done you mustn't lose anymore weight as you look fab. Errrr.... No Lol! I know I've been told I never look the weight I am, but surely they can see at the weight I am I am still flippin overweight!! I've told a few people since losing the weight what I was and they are truly shocked and had no idea I was that weight. Since getting this reaction about saying don't lose anymore, I too have now resorted to just saying - yeah I've another couple to lose and leave it at that (when in reality I need another to lose the equivalent of another person!) . I say do what's right for you and ignore them! Only you know what weight is good for you. There is an element if jealousy from them. X

 

[los in it]

there is nothing stranger than folk! I once posted on here something about your place in your family/friends lifes ie
fat one
funny one
serious one etc and on YOU changing your postion shakes theirs and makes THEM questions things about themselves you know why your doing what your doing,had time even years to think about it before making the move ,where as for them they don't always see the changes in you straight away but when they do you get the same old lines ie
don't lose any more you wont be you etc .!

 

[slaz]

The same has happened to me with folks telling me not to lose any more, one of which is my doctor who tells me that the healthiest people have a BMI of between 25 and 30. However I think in most cases it is the fact that we have moved out of our position in the fat stakes, it is mainly my friends that are overweight but used to be less overweight than me and now are more overweight than me, this confuses them.
At the age of 65 having lost over 7 stone I have a fair bit of loose skin all over including my neck which resembles that of an ageing turkey! So when they tell me not to lose anymore my immediate thought is that my scrawny neck is making me look older.

 

[princess4d4]

people utter such crap at times it is upto each of us as individuals to set our goals and reach them for us no 1 else if your goal is to lose another 30lb go for it though that 30lb might not be right for the next person thats their choice so we all just need to forget the doubters and prove them all wrong and stick with our goals as if we give up now how does that make us feel it makes us feel like failures so the goal might take longer than planned to reach but is still doable

 

[ceecie74]

Go for it ladies!!! The FAT is YOURS to lose!!!!

CHEESEY QUOTE;

"Nobody put's Baby in a corner!"

Now I know this is far from serious, but the ISSUE IS!!!!

Our friends like us fat!!!! We are safe, reliable and NEVER CHANGE!!!

HELL NO!!! NOT ANYMORE!!

Go and buy that target outfit and stick to your guns. You had the surgery, you did all the work, now get to the point where you really REALLY enjoy it!!!

CEECIE SENDS YOU ALL LOVE, HAPPINESS AND BLESSINGS FOR 2014, YOU ALL DESERVE IT X

 

[Bookie]

{{{HUGS}}}

What an awful thing to be told.

This is what my friend said to me on FB Inbox the other day, and anything less you shouldn't have to hear:

"And you look f***ing amazing by the way

(...)

And you really do look f***ng amazing...keep it up and do NOT let it slip...I like the real you "

(she said it without the asterisks... well, that's the kind of friend I have, lol)

Listen, babes, YOU and you alone know what your target is. Maybe that target will change over time, because we all have different visions of ourselves in our heads. Last time I was slim, I was younger and suited the skinniness. When I lost a lot of weight with low-carb, I realised I was older and wouldn't suit that same kind of weight or I would look ill, so set myself a much higher target that I had originally planned in my head. Now, my target is slightly higher than that last one, but I will see how it goes, if I feel I could cope with a few more kgs off then I'll aim for that, if not, then it's up to ME, and no-one is going to make me stray from that. *I* have to live in this body, so *I* will decide what's going to happen to it. Simple as that.

I don't have a mean bone in my body, so I don't understand people like that, who cannot simply be happy and supportive for you. When I slimmed down with LC, I went to a wedding in a simple straight dress in which I looked fabulous, if I say so myself, and I remember how crestfallen I was when 2 "friends" made supposedly supportive comments on how that really wasn't the right choice of dress, what a shame, etc... I am pretty good with knowing how I look, and I *knew* I looked good in that dress, so I couldn't understand why they were saying that. It took me a few weeks (yes, I am THAT slow on the uptake sometimes!) to realise that it had been sheer jealousy talking, because well, I looked TOO good for their liking. It was ok for me to lose weight, but not to look better than them.

I am rambling again, sorry. My point is, we are already finding it hard to come to terms with ourselves, and people like that can really make it harder. If that's the case, ditch them. Honestly. Do you really want friends like that in your life? I'd rather have no friends than unsupportive supposed friends!

Laugh in their faces. Say to them: "Damn right, I am losing more, and I will stop when *I* say I am where I want to be". Embrace it, love it. You have taken the most extreme steps to achieve this, you should bloody well own it!

Have a great New Year!

 

[Lincs Lass]

Wow, so many people have had the 'comments' and barbed observations too! Just a small observation - my family, who have been the least supportive at times - have been the most supportive after (I don't see them regularly so they weren't included in my original observation).

Well, at least here we can all be glad for each other and so blooming supportive.

Happy New Year to everyone and looking forward to reading everyone's successes next year xxx

(and I'm now going to work on my signature as it's FAR too big!!)

 

[fjsinc]

Most people are fantastic, when I tell them I want to lose another 35 lbs they tell me I can do it. I don't know if I can, but I appreciate the support. One person who has hurt me on occasions is my best friend. I know I have worried her from time to time, because I've shown her the obsessive side of things. As she struggles with bulimia herself, I know she understands the complex relationship with food. But last time I gained 3lbs she cheered! She said it was because she wanted me to understand that I didn't always have to be loosing to have a positive reaction, I told her next time she gained I would cheer and see how she felt!

 

[femfrankie]

Sue I'm a smidgen over 97kgs just got out of the morbidly & super obese category and have started getting this regularly from people. I do have to say it's usually from those who are a bit heavier than me now so I think that's definitely a bit of green eyed monster coming to the fore but I have heard it from the occasional skinny too I'm smart enough not to listen and to know they are talking c**p. I haven't got to the stage of fobbing them off with a fib yet but I can understand why you do as I find it quite annoying too and my tongue is sore from biting it!

 

[shelleymarie]

I get this a lot too. I just say I'm still over weight and would like not to be. Most people just say oh ok. I'm sure some of it is jealousy that I'm the same size or smaller than them. It's important to be happy your own weight.

Has anyone else had this happen? - people asking you for tips and then never replying to you when you've taken the time to do it. This has happened to me 3 times now. None of them needed surgery so I just said about diet and exercise and maybe trying slimming world. It's sad but I'm not doing it again. Not sure what they wanted from me.

 

[janeyf]

Hi Sweetie. Isn't it strange how those who are your best and longterm friends sometimes are not quite as thrilled as maybe your work pals etc.

My best friend (we were at school together) and up until me being 29 yrs and having my 1st child, we could have been twins. We were slim and attractive (blowing me own trumpet I know) but we were and after my baby I just grew and grew to the 24 odd stones I am today.

When I told her I had the funding I believe she was genuinely pleased but when we started talking about what the expected weight loss is i.e. possibly 10 - 13 stones if youre lucky, she kind of looked shocked and said well you don't want to loose too much, if you got to 16 stones that would be great !!!!!! I had to smile inwardly as she has put some weight on now and is probably 14+ stones so I guess a bit of panic was setting in. I asked her the other week to save a gorgeous coat she had on from Wallis, for me, and oh how we laughed but I bet she was thinking bloody hell, she might just be able to fit in it !! Funny how she keeps mentioning she is going back to Weight Watchers. She is a nice person though but even the best of friends seem to get a bit worried x

 

[mamalishious]

I think if ur good at dressing ur weight (disguising) it ppl do wonder why ur trying to lose more. I have only lost two stone and have not even had surgery and people are saying to me don't lose to much. I know I dress well to cover it (the belly) In tall 5'7 and an apple shape so I've no fat on my arms or legs but my BMI is 32 so I need to lose like 4 stone. And I will! After all I'm the one who has to see this body naked and I'm fat naked!

 

[fjsinc]

when we started talking about what the expected weight loss is i.e. possibly 10 - 13 stones if youre lucky, she kind of looked shocked and said well you don't want to loose too much, if you got to 16 stones that would be great !!!!!!

This reminded me so much of what a really good friend of mine said to me just before my op. We were talking about expectations, and I told her that I would love to get to a size 16. She looked at me and said that even a size 20 would be an amazing achievement. It did come from a place of love, but left me feeling deflated. Anyway that was 11 months ago, and I'm a size 16 down from a 28!

 

[femfrankie]

It must be quite hard for friends and family to comprehend our weight and loss. Many are absolutely jawdroppingly gobsmaked when I tell them how much I have lost and how far I have still to go. A few times people have asked where I hid all the weight and just don't believe that I was nearly 28st and a size 34/36 to start with... Maybe like us some people suffer a similar body image distortion? ie. we are loads thinner so therefore we must be thin enough now.
Not quite sure I have explained my thoughts well here so hope somebody gets the gist of what I'm trying to say