hiya everyone wondering if anyone has experienced a situation of how their partner has felt once you have had operation? i spoke to a woman at work last night who had bypass and she said her partner had left her as he liked big women she had lost 14 stone and her partner only knew her as big lady. how sad i thought after the long hard journey to get to where she was today.she said it broke her heart but said life moves on and now has new man and even a child she looked pretty well.
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stupid ?
- Thread starter mazbrad
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mightyminx49
Proud grandmother of 7
Hi Mazbrad,
In my humble opinion she was well rid of him. Sounds to me that by moving on she has a better life and has somoen who loves her for who she is, how lucky she is to have found a man to support her decision and not be jealous of her! I admire your friend, she is a very brave lady who changed her life in more ways than one. x
In my humble opinion she was well rid of him. Sounds to me that by moving on she has a better life and has somoen who loves her for who she is, how lucky she is to have found a man to support her decision and not be jealous of her! I admire your friend, she is a very brave lady who changed her life in more ways than one. x
Karlos
New Member
You are assuming he was jealous of her and judging him without ever having spoken to either of them? 
Maybe he really did just like big women and was no longer attracted to his partner once she'd lost the weight and jealousy had nothing to do with it.
I'm glad this lady has changed her life in what is to her a positive way, but to label this guy stupid and or jealous without knowing his side of the story is kind of well......stupid
Maybe he really did just like big women and was no longer attracted to his partner once she'd lost the weight and jealousy had nothing to do with it. I'm glad this lady has changed her life in what is to her a positive way, but to label this guy stupid and or jealous without knowing his side of the story is kind of well......stupid
mightyminx49
Proud grandmother of 7
Hi Karlos,
Views noted hunnie, and I hold my hands up to my judgemental status. But to throw away such love and devotion because his partner changed her appearance was wrong and he can only expect such rash judgements. I am sorry you feel we are STUPID for voicing opinions. You know what its like to be big and how SOME people judge you, as do I and, as I said it was my opinion nothing more. hugz xx
Views noted hunnie, and I hold my hands up to my judgemental status. But to throw away such love and devotion because his partner changed her appearance was wrong and he can only expect such rash judgements. I am sorry you feel we are STUPID for voicing opinions. You know what its like to be big and how SOME people judge you, as do I and, as I said it was my opinion nothing more. hugz xx
JayHobbs
Slowly Shrinking
There could be many issues involved.
When we loose weight we not only change our physical shape.
Everything changes!
Our confidence levels can increase and things we may have "settled" for before our weight loss may not be as acceptable after. That includes our choice of partners.
Our hobbies and activities may also change.
Loosing such large amounts of weight after WLS has an impact on ALL of our life and lifestyles. And yes,, sometimes our personality can change.
So it is not always as simple as the initial physical attraction changing.
This is something that does concern me on a personal basis. I have been married to my Hubby for 23 years and we met when I was 14 years old.
We have been through so much together,, and when He lost over 8 stones a few years ago,, It only made things better..
He did re-gain a lot back over the last few years, but He is now loosing weight with me,, together,, only he seems to be able to loose almost as much as me, without the WLS
Jay
xXx
When we loose weight we not only change our physical shape.
Everything changes!
Our confidence levels can increase and things we may have "settled" for before our weight loss may not be as acceptable after. That includes our choice of partners.
Our hobbies and activities may also change.
Loosing such large amounts of weight after WLS has an impact on ALL of our life and lifestyles. And yes,, sometimes our personality can change.
So it is not always as simple as the initial physical attraction changing.
This is something that does concern me on a personal basis. I have been married to my Hubby for 23 years and we met when I was 14 years old.
We have been through so much together,, and when He lost over 8 stones a few years ago,, It only made things better..
He did re-gain a lot back over the last few years, but He is now loosing weight with me,, together,, only he seems to be able to loose almost as much as me, without the WLS
Jay
xXx
Karlos
New Member
How do you know it was a loving relationship? or that she was devoted to him or he to her? you have no idea of the circumstances of their relationship yet from one third party comment you hung this guy out to dry
It might just have had nothing to do with her appearance, maybe her personality changed too, something that is very common in post op patients. The instances of relationships breaking up when one of the partners undergoes WLS is many times the national average, maybe that played a part in his decision, maybe not, we don't know because we don't know either of these people is all I'm saying
I didn't say you were stupid, I said making your judgement, call it your opinion if you think that sounds better; based upon the information you have is stupid.
Your latest claim that because he left his wife because she lost weight means he should EXPECT to be judged rashly justifies every rash judgement ever made about fat people. You had no facts yet judged him to be wrong and stupid, but that's ok as its only your opinion, skinny person judges fat woman/bloke as greedy and lazy without knowing the facts, but that's ok as its only their opinion too :sigh:
Big an Bouncy
New Member
Im with Karl on this one,the man was probably more attracted and comfortable with a bigger woman!Not everyone is attracted to slim people me included!I wouldnt fancy a skinny guy in bed or out.I like a hunky chunky kind of guy with a round face,good arms and shoulders on him.As Karl said there may of been cracks in the relationship before surgery.She might now look at him and feel dissatisfied and he got the vibes.Life changes all the time and perhaps it was just not meant to be.My hubby says I look great now and will always love me but he did prefer having some meat to grab on to!Maz x
mightyminx49
Proud grandmother of 7
<stands with hands on the air> Hanging head in shame.
we def change so much after wls both physically & emotionally. I would find it hard to believe that if this had been a solid loving relationship that this guy would have left just because his wife lost weight.
I know because I am in a similar position only the other way around. I realised after starting to lose weight that I actually did deserve to be happy and shouldnt settle for a really unhappy, lonely marriage. The result of that is that I am separated from husband - moving out once we sell property.
No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors in peoples relationships and we really shouldnt jump to conclusions about what happened/ what type of people they are
I know because I am in a similar position only the other way around. I realised after starting to lose weight that I actually did deserve to be happy and shouldnt settle for a really unhappy, lonely marriage. The result of that is that I am separated from husband - moving out once we sell property.
No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors in peoples relationships and we really shouldnt jump to conclusions about what happened/ what type of people they are
Cicca
New Member
Karlos said:How do you know it was a loving relationship? or that she was devoted to him or he to her? you have no idea of the circumstances of their relationship yet from one third party comment you hung this guy out to dry
It might just have had nothing to do with her appearance, maybe her personality changed too, something that is very common in post op patients. The instances of relationships breaking up when one of the partners undergoes WLS is many times the national average, maybe that played a part in his decision, maybe not, we don't know because we don't know either of these people is all I'm saying
I didn't say you were stupid, I said making your judgement, call it your opinion if you think that sounds better; based upon the information you have is stupid.
Your latest claim that because he left his wife because she lost weight means he should EXPECT to be judged rashly justifies every rash judgement ever made about fat people. You had no facts yet judged him to be wrong and stupid, but that's ok as its only your opinion, skinny person judges fat woman/bloke as greedy and lazy without knowing the facts, but that's ok as its only their opinion too :sigh:
I agree, two sides to every thing! There was probably a whole lot more to it.
Sent from my iPad using WLSurgery
the lady was a customer in my shop so dont know whole story other than what i said , how he preffered big women , maybe that was it some men dont like thin women, or maybe it was a excuse i dont know. but hey it caused a good debate. surely its true that when u lose all the weight a person will change i know i will as i walk with my head down incase anyone catches my eye , im ashamed of me.losing weight will lift my confidence, i cant wait for the new me 19 sleeps and counting i even been to sales today lol to start my new wardrobe off. hubby keeping his hand deep in his pocket lol scared i dip it for more clothes ha ha
mariew
New Member
All our friends keep jokingly telling my husband that I will leave him after I've had my surgery and lost weight. It's actually made him very insecure about everything. I keep reassuring him, but for now nothing helps. Sometimes I just wish people would keep their opinions to themselves. It didn't help that he read that lots of marriages fail after wls.
i would guess that the reason that some marriages fail after wls is due to the overweight person gaining self esteem. I am not saying that all, but some overweight people settle for what they can get because they dont think they are worthy of anything else. I have been fat all my life and thats certainly the way i felt. I was grateful almost that someone wanted to be with me despite the fact that I was big. But then throughout my marriage I got bigger and bigger. If I had turned to drugs or alcohol people would have started to become concerned for me & why i was so unhappy.
Mariew - your friends are not helping matters. If your marriage is strong, losing weight and gaining self esteem will improve your relationship - not wreck it
Mazbrad - why would you need to delete a thread - everyone is entitled to their opinions/ ask questions
Mariew - your friends are not helping matters. If your marriage is strong, losing weight and gaining self esteem will improve your relationship - not wreck it
Mazbrad - why would you need to delete a thread - everyone is entitled to their opinions/ ask questions
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