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Supporting friends not so supportive now

charliegirl

charliegirl

New Member
Well people are funny creatures. I have only told a few close friends that I am hoping to get banding as if it does not come off for me I dont want to have to explain to everyone and besides its nothing to do with them. I told 5 close friends, two male and three female. One was putting me off right at the start, "you dont meet the criteria" "dont get your hopes up it probably wont happen" etc etc. Now I have discussed face to face my reasons etc she is supporting me. Another friend that supported me at the start is now starting with the comments "well I could not go on a liquid diet" "I could not do that to myself" etc etc....both these friends are over weight themselves. My third female friend has supported me from day one and is fighting my corner for me because she knows its what I want, that it will change my life and give me a better quality of life not to mention the confidence that comes with feeling good. We can feel great if we put on a set of clothing and look good, that feeling gives us a great deal of confidence, we walk taller, we hold our heads up and we smile more. But put on clothing and feel like a sack of spuds and I for one feel dowdy, I try to blend into the background, wear dark clothing even on sunny days and dont try and draw any attention to me. If someone speaks to me I think "are they looking at the rolls of fat on my stomach" I guess the people on here all know what I mean otherwise we would not be on here...
 
Really, I personally don't believe you should worry about justifying your decisions to anyone. Not for this, its your body and your life. Some of your friends may worry you won't be so accomodating and tolerant of them when you have the confidence and look great after...I guess when you are on the other side if the op you will discover who your real friends are. Those that remain will be genuinely pleased for you , that you got what you needed for yourself and are happy...those who accuse you of changing for the worst and not being you anymore....well let them fall by the wayside. I told people on a need to know basis ...like those who looked after my boys when I went for pre-op etc..I think I just want to say to you, this is your time, and this is something you deserve so dont allow people with unhelpful comments to spoil this exciting moment.
Lots of love ,Neen x
 
Hi I totally understand where you are coming from on this subject, i have had a huge issue with this one.......... my one close friend that was, did not support me at all, told me i wouldnt get, they dont do it onnhs etc etc, she too is overweight like me and we both did LL together and when i lost the most she went strange then, when i put it all back on she was great...

Then i had the surgery and wham back to how sh ewas, not once has she asked how i am, or is there anything she can do, all i get is i could never have surgery...... it is cosmetic.........

and our frinedship has drifted so much, yet the people who i didnt see that much of have been fantstic and supported me 100%

My friend has never ever commented on my weightloss and two weeks ago she started Cambridge again about the 100 time i got a text saying yipee i lost 13lb in a week....... now she is saying how her clothes are to big etc etc...

I have tosay some people are liek that and i personally now see it is them with the problem, once you lose the weight, you will feel great look great and may even look better than themand they don't like it they don't like you not being that doormat anymore....

It is hard and i am deeply hurt, but i cant change it and i wont stay fat to please them........

please keep positive.... one more thing you will find lots of genuine friend on here... i have....
 
It is tricky Linda, and you never know how people will react. For me I told all of my close family (who apart from my brother were all pretty much dead set against it, feeling it was too drastic and un-necessary when all I needed to do was diet - again!!)
However, my best friend has been a rock and supported me throughout and her extended family have also been brilliant. I also have a good friend at college who has been a great support (but she has slimmed down herself and lost 14 stone) so knows all the issues of being big and how much better it is being smaller!!

It is fair to say I have had a mixed response from the people I have told, but you make the decision about the operation for yourself and no one else - you don't have to justify it to anyone. Like you I have only told limited numbers of people 'in case it does not work'!! How can it not - it is down to me now to put the work in to make sure it works! Ultimately if your friends are worth having they will stick by you and you may find that their attitdues improve once you have the op and they see how much happier it has made you. Good luck xx
 
Thanks to all for your replies, I am not going to be swayed off my goal, there is a new life out there waiting for me and my fight with the NHS is to get the key to the door to walk through to that new life...I will just refrain from talking about my plans and wishes with the people that are negative...once again thanks to you all.....((Hugs))
 
Oh I sympathise with you. I know it's hard for friends and family who don't understand. I have had some slim people say that they don't see why I put myself through the op because they had to work had to keep their figures through diet and exercise. They don't get the fact that I have been there and done that and srill couldn't keep the weight off. I doubt that they ever had to lose 9 stones like me! It gets so hard when you lose and then gain it back. I don't suppose anyone who is not in our position will really understand. You are doing this for yourself though, so keep positive and go for it!
 
Funny you say that. Thought about a bypass last year and all those friends never stopped telling me how dangerous the operation is that I might die, what about the saggy skin after you lose the weight, your not that fat anyway. SO only told three people this time and before they said anything, told them don't care about the saggy skin, gonna die sometime and yes I am fat. So your not alone.
 
Hi Charliegirl - I agree with everything everyone here has posted, and to add i resently started a thread about 'how do you tell others about it' and got some mixed messages. So far myself i've told 2 fairly close friend, one of which has a weight problem herself, to be honest she wasn't very supportive and started down the risks and life style change route until i shut her down telling her it was my choice, thats right for me and my family, and i wasn't critising or preaching to her.

Since booking for the op i've thought about very little else since, and most of my thinking has been around why i need to do this, and i think to summerise here in a few words i'm liking myself to that of an alcholic coming to terms with the fact that they are actually an alcohic and need to do something about it, ever since i can remember i've walked around thinking i didn't care or who care's, or no one's looking at me, therefore i'm ok, when in fact i've been kidding myself, i'm obese and i need to do something about it before i crok it ! and to add i myself used to hate seeing other people do well on conventional diets where i'd failed.
And i think thats probably why others always want to put you down when your doing something for yourself !

So tell those that matter to you and they will understand, and keep your very private personal experience going through this to yourself and your immidate support group of people.
 
Loll said:
Funny you say that. Thought about a bypass last year and all those friends never stopped telling me how dangerous the operation is that I might die, what about the saggy skin after you lose the weight, your not that fat anyway. SO only told three people this time and before they said anything, told them don't care about the saggy skin, gonna die sometime and yes I am fat. So your not alone.
Click to expand...

Hey loll

Noticed your in Eltham :)

I'm just down the road in New Eltham......Small world

Take care

Richard
 
Thanks to all of you who replied what a great team we are on here, lots oh hugs and good wishes come your way get ready for the impact......lol....xx
 
Your friends are the ones who are there to support you! i have certainly found out who mine are since having the bypass!!! some are jealous and some don't understand why you need to take drastic measures. You have to do what is right for you and if they care about you they will support you 100% of the way. Good luck x
 
hiya,
had to reply to this one, yes all my true friends have been great, n only concern is my welfare, but there is one friend who i did mention it too, n all she lept sayin was oo dont get you hopes up, might not come off etc etc, she was even like that when i got an audition for deal or no deal.... n when i didnt get through she replied with oo unlucky guess your party is off this week.......... infact iv labelled her my ex husband as he was like that too, there should be more optimisitic people about, the world would be a better place.......... xxx
 
debi71 said:
hiya,
had to reply to this one, yes all my true friends have been great, n only concern is my welfare, but there is one friend who i did mention it too, n all she lept sayin was oo dont get you hopes up, might not come off etc etc, she was even like that when i got an audition for deal or no deal.... n when i didnt get through she replied with oo unlucky guess your party is off this week.......... infact iv labelled her my ex husband as he was like that too, there should be more optimisitic people about, the world would be a better place.......... xxx
Click to expand...


thanks for that it made me laugh, I agree people should be more optimistic, there is nothing worse than someone giving you daggers if you do or get something they want. I wonder what would ever happen if we had a world war (heaven forbid) but I dont think as many people would pull together to help one another, thats why I am so glad I found this site. Everyone is very friendly and very supportive.... xx
 
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