Telling people about the op!

[Meggie]

After putting it off for months it has finally come to the time I have to tell my Mum about my op!! I'm currently debating on putting it off even longer and waiting until I've gone back to London!! I think the stress of not telling her is making me feel worse so I will do it in the next couple of days!!! How did close family react to the news??? I'm dreading the same reaction as I got off my sister.............she took two months to come around, and my op is in less than two months (still can't quite believe it!!!!!).

Hope everyone is having a fantastic day!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[jaxx]

Hi, I had a similar problem. I didn't want to tell anyone, thought it was personal and nothing to do with anyone else. I also felt like I was a failure, that I couldn't lose weight by dieting and had no self control. But I was so scared to go to my GP on my own, I confided in my mum and asked her to come with me. She then blabbed to my Aunt and asked that I at least tell my sister so she had someone to talk to about it. Then my sister blabbed to people and it all came out like that.

I'm lucky in that my family have been very supportive and all agree it's the best thing for me.

Maybe take your mum out somewhere public so that she can't cause an argument if she does disagree. Just tell her how unhappy you are now and that you think this is the best thing for you and your doctor obviously agrees with you.

Hope it goes ok. xx

 

[Meggie]

Hi, I had a similar problem. I didn't want to tell anyone, thought it was personal and nothing to do with anyone else. I also felt like I was a failure, that I couldn't lose weight by dieting and had no self control. But I was so scared to go to my GP on my own, I confided in my mum and asked her to come with me. She then blabbed to my Aunt and asked that I at least tell my sister so she had someone to talk to about it. Then my sister blabbed to people and it all came out like that.

I'm lucky in that my family have been very supportive and all agree it's the best thing for me.

Maybe take your mum out somewhere public so that she can't cause an argument if she does disagree. Just tell her how unhappy you are now and that you think this is the best thing for you and your doctor obviously agrees with you.

Hope it goes ok. xx

Thanks hun!! Reading your message is like reading my mind!! I feel exactly the same! Plus I really don't want my extended family knowing, but know she'll blab to my Auntie!!! I want to have the choice of who I tell!!! I know my Auntie would tell the whole world!!!!

Oooooooh just noticed not long til your op now. How you feeling???

 

[hopelesscase]

This question comes up time and time again and i think the important thing is that you tell who you feel comfortable telling. for me i was very upfront and honest and told everyone. I didnt recieve reactions and the only person who asked me if i couldnt just give slimming world one more go was my boss because she was genuienly scared for me. Now she laughs and says i was obviousaly more prepared than she was.
Other than that it has been enchouragement, pride and support all the way. I say pride because the amount of friends who say they are proud of my acheivments as they couldnt of done it.
You need to do what is right for you but remember the weight loss is astounding and the bigger you are the more dramatic it is. One friend that i hadnt seen for ages and didnt know i had had surgery was scared of asking how i was as she feared i had cancer but that was only for a breif moment as i realised that something was wrong and was able to reassure her.
Hth
carole

 

[LizzieBee]

As Carole says, this does come up often. I have been very lucky, if anyone has had anything negative to say they have done so privately. I have told everyone - friends, family, work colleagues, the lady on the till at Sainsbury's etc etc - and hae had only good reactions.
I do think that the people who know us best are the most support, they know how much of a struggle we have had with being overweight. People who react negatively do so out of fear or jealousy. Try to have as many facts as possible available, people often hear weight loss surgery and think of the bad press - not the new life it gives to so many of us!
Lots of luck to you.

Lx

 

[Roch]

Well girl u know my answer to this as we have chatted so many times bout this lol but thought i would still post lmao.
I in the beginning only told 2 friends, my bro and my 2 uncles as they would have to sort things out for me god forbid things did not go as planned.
Last week i was thinking bout my op and thought for the first time i am not ashamed to be having a bypass in fact the opposite and i would post it on my facebook and also tell others.
I decided that i feel good bout having my op as have struggled with my weight for 36 yrs so having my op is a responsible and positive thing to change the many many years of yo yo dieting and the horrendous physical and emotional effects it has had on me.
So from now on i am proud to join the bypass club and will sing it from the rooftops if i could lol

 

[CCPM]

I told the world and his wife but not my Pa until it was all over. He's 83 and a born worrier so my Brother and I decided we would tell him afterwards. I only had support from everyone although 1 or 2 did ask couldn't you keep on with the diet but understood when I explained. I also had the added pressure of working in medicine where my partners were only too keen to get every detail about the bypass to discuss with me. Nearly 9 months on I'm happy that this was the way I did it, the support was and is fantastic.

M

 

[Meggie]

I know for many people it isn't a bit deal telling everybody. My biggest issue is that I never told anyone how I felt about being huge, and am the Queen of hiding my feelings!!! So this op may come as a complete surprise. The reactions I've had so far have been mixed, so I don't want to tell everyone. I don't need the added pressure of people trying to convince me I'm making a mistake!! In theory, my op is in 8 short weeks and I need that time to get myself mentally prepared for the op and post-op! I also don't want to add anymore stress to my Mother's life. She has had a lot to deal with in the last few years as my dad was sick for many years and sadly died. There have also been many issues with my brother which I won't go into right now, but he didn't come home for xmas which I know upset her A LOT. My sister is suggesting not telling her until after but I'm scared of doing that and something happening! I'm trying not to think of bad things happening but still have a "what if" in the back of my mind!!

I appreciate everyone's comments........I know it is something that comes up a lot, and when it does I have some great ideas for other people! Shame I can't take a step back and talk to myself in the same way!!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[jaxx]

Meggie, I would be lying if I said I wasn't frightened. I only started this journey in August after thinking about it for a long time and it's all happened so quickly. I'm excited and eager too. I hate this waiting, just want it to be over and done with.

I was like you, hid my feelings a lot. Played the 'big and proud' card many many times and made out that being big didn't bother me so it was a surprise to some people that I wanted this surgery but I know in my heart that it's the right thing to do for me. If this is the right thing to do for you then go for it, if you don't want to tell anyone, then don't.

 

[Meggie]

Meggie, I would be lying if I said I wasn't frightened. I only started this journey in August after thinking about it for a long time and it's all happened so quickly. I'm excited and eager too. I hate this waiting, just want it to be over and done with.

I was like you, hid my feelings a lot. Played the 'big and proud' card many many times and made out that being big didn't bother me so it was a surprise to some people that I wanted this surgery but I know in my heart that it's the right thing to do for me. If this is the right thing to do for you then go for it, if you don't want to tell anyone, then don't.

Wow hun your journey has been quick then!! When you say August do you mean your were referred then or that was your first contact with the hospital???

 

[jaxx]

August was when I first asked my GP about surgery. Got a pre op assessment a month later which was brought forward after a cancellation. Had a psychological assessment 2 months later, saw the surgeon again 3 weeks ago and got my surgery date last Saturday.

 

[phatmomma]

I told my mom, funny thing was she was fine when she thought i was having a gastric band and when i told her it was the bypass i got the slimming world option again. Told her it hasn't worked for the last 20 yrs it aint gonna work now. She's been ok since, she knows what a stubborn person i am and when i've decided i'm doing something then i'm doing something.

Have you thought about writing a letter to your mom explaining your having surgery and how you feel about your size and the effect it has on your life. You could give her a bit of time to think about it then pop round and discuss it with her when she's had some thinking time? Also ask for total confidentiality with regard to sharing the information?

Hope this gives you food for thought xx

 

[samsmum]

I only told people that I wanted to know. All the ones I told were supportive even if they were not sure it was right such as my sister. My mum thought she knew everything about wls but has found she has a lot to learn so is actually listening to me more. I did choose though not to tell inlaws as I did not want any negative comments.

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

this is no my mind so much, i told my dad last week and my brother. My hubby and mum have known for almost 2 years.
As my op is a week on monday I will be telling some friends too but one leads to another esp as they are all mums from my kids school i dont think it will be a secret long.
I told my daughters ages 7 and 5 on monday my youngest didnt really understand but wanted to know if she could sleep at nanna's !!! my 7 year old told me she loves me the way I am ...bless.

I am a very private person so only my very close family know how i feel about my weight everyone else sees a fat person who finds jokes about her and her massive boobs funny (NOT !!!) I just hope everyone takes it ok, my mum and dad are worried sick.

as its getting closer i am worrying more which is causing psriosis (looks lovely NOT) and a late period, which is soo late i took a pregnancy test today even though I knew I couldnt be if you know what i mean.

I worry too much what people think but this is for us xx

 

[BlueDiamond]

Hi

I have only told my children and OH and only a couple of good friends know what is going on with my wls journey, I am not even sure if I will tell my parents or anyone when the time comes, My parents are both very elderly and My aunt has gone through Heart bypass and now going through cancer treatment and I dont want to worry them any further or cause them any burden, and also I am not even 100 % sure yet if I am getting the go ahead, maybe IF (a big if) I get the surgery I may tell em before the op, but until that time comes I dont see the point in worrying them unneccessarily until I know 100% - Good Luck in wot u decide

All the best - MeJulie xx

 

[Katastrophe]

I was on holiday with my sister and a friend and they asked me whether i'd considered having a band... Before that i'd thought about it fleetingly but just considered it a last resort... I guess it took them to make me realise it wasnt the easy way out.

I've told all of my family, a couple of close friends but noone at work... My personal feeling is that mostly the people i work with are colleagues and not really friends, none of us socialise so i guess i feel like its none of their business and i wouldnt really benefit from them knowing.

If i was you i'd sit down and tell your mum... she's going to worry cos thats what mum's are for, but at least you'll hopefully have her support and it'll be one less thing off your mind, especially when youre so close to your operation.