The biggest emotional rollercoaster

[linz77]

I have been over weight since the age of seven and am now 35, I struggle to tame my massive hunger,every single minute of the day. I also live with clinical depression and usually manage to keep it well hidden but not at the moment, it's eating me up. This roller coaster of emotions I'm going through is driving me deeper and deeper in to a very dark place. I'm the type of person who always thinks the worst (god I wish I didn't ) and my mood goes up and down like a yoyo,( I let my self get excited about something then with in minutes I'm brought back down to earth with a Big Bang) . I went to the seminar early 2011 ,then heard nothing for 6 month, got (payslip,)appointment through to see nurse and given target , payslip arrived with date to see surgeon for march 2012 .payslip arrived 1 month later saying CANCELLED,(surgeon on annual leave) payslip arrived with new appointment for June. 1 month later payslip arrived saying CANCELLED(dr on call). 2 month later appointment for October .i called the secretary to say DO NOT CANCEL,again I couldn't take anymore. In between all these cancellations I had a chest infection that needed steroids .Steroids= massive weight gain = breakdown . What a mess I was in. By the time my appointment came I had however reached target,, one of the junior drs came to tell me that it was all go and they would do the op, I would be called for a gastroscopy in November 2012 and should be put straight on the list,if there was no probs. yippeee I was so excited. November got the payslip and went for the gastro. I was told there and then that I was now on the list and the next thing I would here would be to come for my pre op assessment ,he said it was likely to be in march, again I was ecstatic . Had Christmas and so pleased to be out of last year, bring on the surgery !!!! Beginning of jan ,payslip arrived saying come for a gastro in feb( erm why? ) after 2 days of calls they decided it was a mistake I didn't need it. And the next time I'd hear anything would be for my pre op!!! Mid jan letter of Sunderland (so excited ) it was the pre op diet. 1 week later guess what ? Another payslip saying to go to see the surgeon in 3 days time arhhhh so scary , called them up to say "is this pre op, and after a 25 min call being past right round the hospital,it wasn't . It was just to ask if I really wanted the operation (ohh my god I can't take anymore ) yes I want the bloody op, so they cancelled and said I didn't need to go,they had all my info and I was on the list and guess what ? "The next time you hear anything will be your pre op. what arrived this morning 3 days after they cancelled my app ? Another payslip , I collapsed in a heap,I'm now a jibbering wreck .they have made yet another appointment for me to be seen in march. I called them(sobbing my heart out) to ask if this was pre op, "nope just a clinc appointment "
I now have absolutely no faith in them whatsoever and am really ready to book myself in to the local looney bin. I've had enough,
I've been in there system for nearly 3 yrs and my life is completely on hold, my nerves are shot and am just crying all the time, I'm so close to giving up,
Thank you to anyone that reads this, I have no one I can talk to about all this and thought maybe someone would maybe identify with this
Thanks for taking your precious time to read this
Linz xx

 

[Andy1968]

I have been over weight since the age of seven and am now 35, I struggle to tame my massive hunger,every single minute of the day. I also live with clinical depression and usually manage to keep it well hidden but not at the moment, it's eating me up. This roller coaster of emotions I'm going through is driving me deeper and deeper in to a very dark place. I'm the type of person who always thinks the worst (god I wish I didn't ) and my mood goes up and down like a yoyo,( I let my self get excited about something then with in minutes I'm brought back down to earth with a Big Bang) . I went to the seminar early 2011 ,then heard nothing for 6 month, got (payslip,)appointment through to see nurse and given target , payslip arrived with date to see surgeon for march 2012 .payslip arrived 1 month later saying CANCELLED,(surgeon on annual leave) payslip arrived with new appointment for June. 1 month later payslip arrived saying CANCELLED(dr on call). 2 month later appointment for October .i called the secretary to say DO NOT CANCEL,again I couldn't take anymore. In between all these cancellations I had a chest infection that needed steroids .Steroids= massive weight gain = breakdown . What a mess I was in. By the time my appointment came I had however reached target,, one of the junior drs came to tell me that it was all go and they would do the op, I would be called for a gastroscopy in November 2012 and should be put straight on the list,if there was no probs. yippeee I was so excited. November got the payslip and went for the gastro. I was told there and then that I was now on the list and the next thing I would here would be to come for my pre op assessment ,he said it was likely to be in march, again I was ecstatic . Had Christmas and so pleased to be out of last year, bring on the surgery !!!! Beginning of jan ,payslip arrived saying come for a gastro in feb( erm why? ) after 2 days of calls they decided it was a mistake I didn't need it. And the next time I'd hear anything would be for my pre op!!! Mid jan letter of Sunderland (so excited ) it was the pre op diet. 1 week later guess what ? Another payslip saying to go to see the surgeon in 3 days time arhhhh so scary , called them up to say "is this pre op, and after a 25 min call being past right round the hospital,it wasn't . It was just to ask if I really wanted the operation (ohh my god I can't take anymore ) yes I want the bloody op, so they cancelled and said I didn't need to go,they had all my info and I was on the list and guess what ? "The next time you hear anything will be your pre op. what arrived this morning 3 days after they cancelled my app ? Another payslip , I collapsed in a heap,I'm now a jibbering wreck .they have made yet another appointment for me to be seen in march. I called them(sobbing my heart out) to ask if this was pre op, "nope just a clinc appointment "
I now have absolutely no faith in them whatsoever and am really ready to book myself in to the local looney bin. I've had enough,
I've been in there system for nearly 3 yrs and my life is completely on hold, my nerves are shot and am just crying all the time, I'm so close to giving up,
Thank you to anyone that reads this, I have no one I can talk to about all this and thought maybe someone would maybe identify with this
Thanks for taking your precious time to read this
Linz xx

Linz,I'm so sorry about this horrendous torment you're going through.This journey is so hard sometimes and it can feel like-and justifiably so in your case-that nothing will EVER come good...All i can say to you is dig deep into your inner soul and keep fighting,Don't let all the heartache bring you down because WHEN..not IF... you get this op you so deserve,Your life will be so different..Please please don't let this get you down,you're worth more than that.
Let us know how you're feeling tomorrow..and Take Care
Big Hugs
Andy xx

 

[Samsara]

Goodness me that sounds horrendous and I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of that Do you know if this is typical of your hospital? Is there anyone you can complain to about the poor service that could also try and get this resolved for you - like PALS for instance. Or can you be referred to a different, more competent hospital that is close to you/in your area? I don't have that option where I live but I've read others on here who seem to get given a choice of hospitals. Just getting to the point of surgery is an emotional roller coaster and it seems you have been on a very big one.

Take care and I truly hope things start moving forward for you soon x x

 

[femfrankie]

This must be so awful for you. I would be a blethering wreck if it was me as I don't think I could handle the uncertainty of it all. Luckily for me it has been pretty straightforward so far and for that I am truly truly grateful.
I would be banging on a few doors for answers if i was in your shoes. its just knowing what ones to bang on :sigh:
Chin up, don the battle armour and fight another day but I hope for your sanity that everything comes together for you pretty soon :hug99: xx

 

[Lincs Lass]

What a terrible time you've had Linz.

I'd also suggest calling PALS, for Sunderland the number is 0800 587 6513 or emails [email protected].

Before contacting them write a list of everything that happened with dates if poss and if phoning have a pen at hand. That way if you get emotional during the call you can tick things off so you don't miss anything.

There's enough stress in this run up without all the 'what if' 'am I meant to' stuff so you need someone without the emotional attachment to go to the and say 'right, cut out the c**p, what's happening'

If stick where you are as you will have been awarded funding for an op at that hospital. In the majority of cases if your want to swap hospital another application for funding has to go in and there's a chance of being rejected.

Huge cyber hug

 

[goofy07]

Hi Linz

Unfortunately this is quite common at Sunderland I was referred in Sept 2010 and have only just got date for op.

They do need to check that you are sure you still want the op although from our perspective this does seem like a very stupid question.

Bear with it you will get there I too have had cancellations and what seemed like unnecessary appointments but these are the hoops we must jump through to get to the op

In my seminar we were told that this was life enhancing surgery as it wasn't needed to save your life just to enhance it! In other words be calm and wait.

The list is very long at Sunderland so we just have to wait and yes if you transfer to another hospital you will begin the process again re funding etc

 

[Kimboski]

Oh Linz, I am so sorry to hear what you're going through! It's awful, truly awful.

I can't give you any advice about the NHS and surgery as I'm very much at the beginning of my Journey. Please don't think you are alone, you're not! I would suggest a visit to the GP to get some counselling help to get you through this tough time. Please remember 2 things; you are NOT alone and this will be over one day and you'll have your operation

Good luck x

 

[borogirl]

Hi Linz

Stick with it. You are nearly at the end of the journey. It is a nightmare and the emotions between appointments are up and down for everyone. It's normal!
At my pre op the General Surgery Business Manager attended to check the process. Ring the switchboard and ask for her. Then get her email address and mail direct. You need to be back in some control if your journey. They stressed to me not to put 1lb on between gastroscopy and pre op. This should be all you have to focus in, not the issues with the process. Xxxxxx.

 

[linz77]

thank you all so much for your support,I've taken some time off work so I can try and get myself together and give myself a shake, I will read through all your advice again and put it to good use, thank you again,xxxxx

 

[Andy1968]

Anytime hun....It's a nightmare journey but stick with it,You'll reap the rewards soon

Andy xx

 

[angiemason]

Good luck linz you deserve to know what's happening but I agree don't change now take care I hope you get to relax while you're off work and you can get everything into perspective xx