well meaning thin friends

[WitchInWorthing]

I took the girls to an indoor play centre today and I'm friends with the lady who runs it who also uses the gym there. I decided to tell her about the wls and suggest that maybe we could do some classes together once I am post op and fit enough.

She meant well, but she kept telling me that I didn't need to lose weight, I'm not that big etc. FFS - I am 21 stone with a 60 inch hip measurement - I know I am fat. It's kind that she wants to be nice, but lying to me isn't being nice, it is lying.

I ended up explaining to her how fat I was and I have ended up feeling ... fat. I know what I am, anyone who looks at me knows what I am ... why lie?

*sigh* :wave_cry:

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

Witch - I'm there, right beside you! My GP even told me I wasn't THAT big. I had to remind her that I was off her chart. I told about half a dozen carefully selected friends and family the full extent of my two ops I had done at the same time - most people just think I've had my hiatus hernia repaired. About three of them couldn't support me having surgery - kept saying I 'should' be able to do it naturally etc. F*CK OFF! Sorry, but it made/makes me very angry indeed that we are forced to justify ourselves to thin people. I have a disease which has re-set the controls of my hunger etc. yes, I'm not so thick that I don't realise that if I stop eating I'll lose weight, but I cannot sustain that for the rest of my life - and neither could they if they had to.

 

[femfrankie]

I'm with you on this too.. Annoys the :censored: out of me... Or the you've done so well why do you still want surgery? ....why ?? Because I have done so well many times in the past only to put it all back on again why do I want to go through all that time and time again... Aaarrgghh

 

[Kezzakins]

I agree that's what I had people saying to me when I lost 17lbs with the milk diet 'you've done so well why do you need surgery now?' Well of course I did well I didn't eat for 2 weeks all I had was milk and water! I don't think anyone who hasn't suffered with their weight or doesn't have an addiction to food can really understand what we have to go through and what a big decision this is to make to have surgery.

 

[JoJoTGirl]

I think I was lucky in that everyone who knows (and that's only proper friends and family) thought it was a brave decision and would be the beginning of a new life for me. That said, they all knew the trials and tribulations of my life weight wise as I have always been entirely honest about overeating and being addicted to doing so etc. I've avoided telling anyone on the periphery and so have also avoided the stupid, thoughtless comments. Godo job too as I've found this an emotional enough journey without the food police and "sort yourself out" brigade adding the two penneth.

 

[sarahrob]

Yep. I try to let it pass me by, but sometimes it drives me bananas! x

 

[WitchInWorthing]

she was well meaning, but the fact that she thought I looked fine and didn't need to lose weight by any means whether diet or surgery .... and she works for a leisure centre promoting fitness....
at least she didn't laugh at me, call me a heifer and say 'about time fatso' ...... (in which case I would currently be in a cell being charged with assault!)
hope everyone has a lovely thursday xxx

 

[fjsinc]

I was lucky pre-op, I told everyone, and most were very supportive. And those that were not, had the good sense not to say anything! I find its now, after 6 months and over 7 stone down, that the comments have started! Its mostly thin people being "honest" (read as rude) about their feelings about obese people. Like they think that because I've dropped a few pounds, I suddenly want to hear fat bashing! I am still fat, and even if I get to goal, in my head I know I will always identify as being fat.
Another comment I get now is that I have lost "enough", and I'll look unwell if I loose too much more.
I find peoples reactions throughout this process to have been fascinating. In the beginning people think the weight should just fall off, and of course it doesn't. Then as time goes by people have been impressed by the work that has to go into loosing, despite having the op. I'm now at the point where people are expressing how "exceptional" my weight loss is.

 

[AngieBu]

I'm right there with you, amazing how thin people seem to know it all. I've had well meaning friends tell me I don't need surgery, I do and it makes me very angry. I'm doing this for me no-one else and if like me you want to get your life back then people should just support us and realise that we are all different and our choices are exactly that OUR choices.

 

[JoJoTGirl]

I was lucky pre-op, I told everyone, and most were very supportive. And those that were not, had the good sense not to say anything! I find its now, after 6 months and over 7 stone down, that the comments have started! Its mostly thin people being "honest" (read as rude) about their feelings about obese people. Like they think that because I've dropped a few pounds, I suddenly want to hear fat bashing! I am still fat, and even if I get to goal, in my head I know I will always identify as being fat.
Another comment I get now is that I have lost "enough", and I'll look unwell if I loose too much more.
I find peoples reactions throughout this process to have been fascinating. In the beginning people think the weight should just fall off, and of course it doesn't. Then as time goes by people have been impressed by the work that has to go into loosing, despite having the op. I'm now at the point where people are expressing how "exceptional" my weight loss is.

This sort of thing is starting to get me down a bit actually. I reached 8st 10lb lost the other day and that's the weight of one of my (lovely) very slim friends. She was whooping and delighted and hugging me but another friend who we were with started on the "don't you think you've lost enough now?" diddly and ended up admitting to being jealous! JEALOUS!!!??? WTF??? Jealous that I spent 35 years of my 40 year life seriously obese and that I had finally found a tool to help me get control!!! Weird. If it's the last thing I do, I will weigh less than her one day! lol. x

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

A 'large' friend who has serious depressive issues with her size seemed initially quite supportive, and was my op buddy and went through the surgery with me. I was a tad anxious on the day but at no point did I shed any tears or breakdown in pieces - I'd dealt with all that well ahead of the day, figuring that if I died on the table then it wasn't my problem (if you see what I mean). So I guess I was pretty strong and empowered ... Two days after discharge she says she thinks I was strong enough to have lost the weight without surgery. Yesssssss, hellllooooo - of course I could, but would not have kept it off, just like she hasn't managed whenever she's tried to do something. That was very upsetting ... And I think sparked by jealousy that I had taken control and would soon be considerably smaller than her, which I am. So, it's not just thin people who make these upsetting comments. Grrrr!

 

[lyturt]

I have had all this too from wel meaning people who donot realise theimpact that being overweight can have on your life. i was told when i had my gastric band fitted that i was being silly and endangering my life so when it went wrong noone actually came out and said i told you so but i could sense it. when i decided to convert my band to bypass i only told my husband and children. i did this for me i want to helpmyself as i already have had one hip replaced and i want to beable to enjoy my grandchildren and dog. i feel that i can now control my food intake so am steadily losing weight so for all those well meaning people we dont go into surgery for fun its to give us back a life that has been spoilt by our relationship with food and feel that we can free ourselves from the chains that have tied us to food as a comfort and use it for health and nutrition. feel proud that we have made a stand and let. the ignorant and illinfomedhave their opinions at the end of the day we will be the winners

 

[hlow86]

This just sums up my friends! "Your fine you don't need to lose weight" annoys me that they can bare face lie to me. I know it I accept that I am over weight and need to lose why can't they? I had it last night someone I had just met telling me I have a pretty face and I look great in the clothes I was wearing... (I've lost 2 stone on my own I'm still wearing the same clothes which are baggy and look awful on me but I'm not buying a new wardrobe yet as I will be losing more) I just don't get why people have to lie. And why they feel the need to comment if they can't say true words just don't bother.
Helen x

 

[femfrankie]

Well had my bypass now and still in hospital ...a student nurse came to take bloods from me. She knew about my preop weightloss of 9st and asked she me why after losing all that weight did I still go ahead with the bypass when I proved that I can do it on my own.. The syringe nearly ended up in her bum cheek I was so annoyed with her comment.. I however bit my lip and told her my reasons which she seemed to take onboard. Some people just don't get it do they

 

[Sharonimo]

I have a disease which has re-set the controls of my hunger etc. yes, I'm not so thick that I don't realise that if I stop eating I'll lose weight, but I cannot sustain that for the rest of my life - and neither could they if they had to.

This is the best quote I have seen in ages, and I am posting a comment onto this thread so that I am subscribed. Want to add that:

** Bariatric surgery gives us the option to re-set the controls of our hunger again (the other) way .......which actually makes weight loss possible.

In fact I had a thought the other day:

** WLS makes it possible for us to STARVE our own bodies in a way that the human body does NOT like to be starved -- human evolution dictates that a body will *always* want to return to its former size (whether that was "normal" size or "obese" -- whatever size it had been).

** The human body is magnificently designed to make us WANT to conserve energy and preserve fat.

For most people a year ++ post surgery they will find losing further pounds becomes more and more difficult because by this time:

(a) the body has learned to adapt (in fact it will usually adapt to a lower calorie intake and no longer be able to cope with 2000 cals a day that "normal" people who have never been overweight can eat quite easily)

(b) hunger and appetite is somewhat returned -- even if not as huge as before, there will be some return

(c) the human body wants us to live "normally" and have the occasional treat now and then ...... things that "normal" people of normal weight do all the time -- they do not spend every single day in denial constantly starving and denying themselves.

Weight loss surgery gives us a "window" of opportunity to unnaturally deliberately STARVE our bodies for 6 months - 12 months ......and during that initial weight loss period there is NOTHING our body can do to fight back -- for most of us during that time (esp the first 6 months) it is physically IMPOSSIBLE to eat sufficient calories to sustain life (let alone gain weight) ...... therefore the body is FORCED to give up all its previous defences and FORCED into having to release its fat cells.