EighteenStoneGirl
New Member
Right now, I am 4 weeks and 2 days pre-op. I'll get banded in the second week of April and I feel like up until this moment, just right now... I've been wanting to be banded for the wrong reasons (mostly vanity and thinking in a few years I'll be this smoking hot skinny girl who can pull all the lads).
But truth be told I've been fat my whole life, and if you asked me over the course of the last thirty years I'd give you a hundred reasons on why I need this operation. However since I actually booked and paid for my op, my out look on it had started to become a little conceited.
But today it's as if fate wanted me to remember it ALL.
The moment you walk up the hill, a hill that average sized people take for granted and walk up without barely breaking a sweat. However the likes of me gets to the top and is sweating so many buckets I've soaked through my top and I can't breathe.
The moment you catch yourself in the mirror and feel physically sick. You can see your belly sag, your thick legs and your completely shapeless frame and all you want to do is hide.
The moment you see that attractive male friend of yours and realise he sees you as nothing more than the fun bubbly fat chick, and will NEVER see you as anything more than that.
The moment you see the guy you're crushing on... he yells out hi to you and waves, as does his extremely beautiful size 10 girlfriend.
... you then see his group of friends, and their girlfriends. All slim and beautiful as well of course.
The moment a guy from work asks your slim beautiful colleague (who is walking exactly the same way home as yourself) if she'd like a lift. But fails to bother asking you.
(I wonder why?)
The moment you're eating dinner with a bunch of people and someone makes that awkward "do you really need to be eating that?" comment?. Yes it's rude, and no you wouldn't say that to ANYBODY frankly, but because you're 18 stone, it cuts a little deeper than it would if you weighed half that.
The moment someone discusses that they have ailments like diabetes and hypertension and how difficult they are to deal with. Then you suddenly remember all the overweight people in your family have those exact same illnesses and chances are you're going to get them soon as well.
To be honest, even though most of the stuff that happened today sucked and I walked home with tears building up in my eyes. I'm glad they happened, because it reminded me why I'm doing this. It reminded me EXACTLY why I'm doing this... and it's not so that I can be a size 10 and look hot and pull all the lads (...although yes, that would be nice).
It's so that I can live my life the way I've wanted to live it for as long as I can remember. And frankly, living in this body a moment longer is simply unacceptable.
But truth be told I've been fat my whole life, and if you asked me over the course of the last thirty years I'd give you a hundred reasons on why I need this operation. However since I actually booked and paid for my op, my out look on it had started to become a little conceited.
But today it's as if fate wanted me to remember it ALL.
The moment you walk up the hill, a hill that average sized people take for granted and walk up without barely breaking a sweat. However the likes of me gets to the top and is sweating so many buckets I've soaked through my top and I can't breathe.
The moment you catch yourself in the mirror and feel physically sick. You can see your belly sag, your thick legs and your completely shapeless frame and all you want to do is hide.
The moment you see that attractive male friend of yours and realise he sees you as nothing more than the fun bubbly fat chick, and will NEVER see you as anything more than that.
The moment you see the guy you're crushing on... he yells out hi to you and waves, as does his extremely beautiful size 10 girlfriend.
... you then see his group of friends, and their girlfriends. All slim and beautiful as well of course.
The moment a guy from work asks your slim beautiful colleague (who is walking exactly the same way home as yourself) if she'd like a lift. But fails to bother asking you.
(I wonder why?)
The moment you're eating dinner with a bunch of people and someone makes that awkward "do you really need to be eating that?" comment?. Yes it's rude, and no you wouldn't say that to ANYBODY frankly, but because you're 18 stone, it cuts a little deeper than it would if you weighed half that.
The moment someone discusses that they have ailments like diabetes and hypertension and how difficult they are to deal with. Then you suddenly remember all the overweight people in your family have those exact same illnesses and chances are you're going to get them soon as well.
To be honest, even though most of the stuff that happened today sucked and I walked home with tears building up in my eyes. I'm glad they happened, because it reminded me why I'm doing this. It reminded me EXACTLY why I'm doing this... and it's not so that I can be a size 10 and look hot and pull all the lads (...although yes, that would be nice).
It's so that I can live my life the way I've wanted to live it for as long as I can remember. And frankly, living in this body a moment longer is simply unacceptable.
