what to do....

[tashaliza]

hi everyone, i was wondering what to do and thought i would ask your advice.
i have been refered to wl surgeon and have been told that i will need to see a psychologist.
should i tell the psych everything as i'm not sure if it will help me or go against me. i wont go into details but my son died in a car crash just before xmas and all the family was injured in some way.

do you think i should say anything? i've been overweight for many years but i'm now out of control (as you can imagine) comfort eating.
any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks tasha :wave_cry:

 

[BypassBee]

Being honest is the only real way to help yourself.
Imagin going through all the trauma of the WLS and the after effects, just to be miserable at the end of it.
I really think it's best to be honest and open, as this is the only way people can help decide what is best for you hun.

Remeber we are all here to help, and you can talk to anyone on minis anytime you need to... I've never seen a more friendly bunch

.x.

 

[tesmaralda]

I agree if you are honest and upfront it can only help you in the long run, if you have been reffered ypu must meet the criteria in as much as you you have tried other weight loss methods over a period of time. It would be a shame if you had weight loss surgery and then had more problems from not being able to comfort eat. If you get it sorted first then the rest will follow and be easier. xXx

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Tasha, I am so sorry for your loss and for the terrible trauma you and yours must have suffered.

Re. The Psychologist:

I truly believe that honesty is the best policy here. You need to stress that you are aware that your eating has been out of control for years and that you have recently lost your son and the grieving process has led to understandable comfort eating as this is what you always turn to for comfort and this terrible trauma leads of course to continuing with that pattern of eating and weight gain. I think you need to stress that you know that having WLS is not a cure-all for any of life's troubles and particularly not for the terrible grief you are suffering, but that it is something you need for your physical and mental health irrespective of the trauma of losing your son and the difficulties of everyone's suffering.

I'm so glad for you that you have had some movement in the right direction in regards to WLS.

Lv Jen xx

 

[tashaliza]

hi everyone,
i know that its best to be honest but i really dont know what i'll do if they say that i can't have wls, i'm just getting bigger and bigger no matter what i do..... obviously i'm not expecting it to make everything alright as i'm still grieving but i feel that if i dont have surgery i won't live to see my kids grow up. tasha xxx

 

[BypassBee]

I just want to say that the advice from jen is perfect. - it wont let me rep you atm jen (ha i totally typed jon then... lol who is he!?) but soon as i can, i will!

.x.

 

[BypassBee]

hi bee,
i know that its best to be honest but i really dont know what i'll do if they say that i can't have wls..... obviously i'm not expecting it to make everything alright but i feel that if i dont have surgery i won't live to see my kids grow up. xxx

make sure you tell them that hun, and make sure they understand you know this isn't a fix all too.

It may be that they might want to addres some of your issues prior to your op... but this would only ever be in your best interests.

Jen said it all far better than I ever could... she's spot on.

Try not to let this worry you... I don't think you have much to worry about, there are a lot of people who have had issues, and comfort ate because of them, that have had WLS on the NHS - some of them continue to see specialists post op to help them manage, it may only be a case of them wanting to asses what after care you may need.

Stay posative

.x.

 

[Silversurfer]

Hi Tasha

Yep Jens right, the whole idea of a psychiatric evaluation is to see it your mentally prepared to deal with the life style changes post op, if your grieving and using food as a crutch now then there's nothing going to stop you doing so after any WLS procedure !
Maybe you should tell the psycologist how your feeling now and maybe postpone the procedure till sometime in the future when your more able to control your eating and more focussed on the massive changes WLS will bring to you !

 

[tashaliza]

thanks everyone for your comments, i realise that im comfort eating but i have always done that even before the event. i will be honest and hope that they can help me still. fingers crossed tasha xxx

 

[hopelesscase]

tasha the advice given i cant add to but just want to wish you all the best with your appointment. the psycological is a vital part of the process and even if she says your not ready it may just be the start of your journy as im sure she will explore the reasons for your years of comfort eating.
take care
hc

 

[topsy]

I agree with what everyone else has said - you must be honest with yourself first and then everyone else second. I have NO idea what you are going through but i imagine if i were in a similar situation i would be out of control not with food but my behaviour.

The psychologist will have seen it all and heard a great deal in their job and if you tell them everything that is in your heart and mind they will be able to help and prepare you better for your op whenever it takes place.

I am sure you were loved so much by your son and he would want the best for you and if the best is being honest and up front then that's the way forward for you. You are one brave lady and all my heart goes out to you - sending you loads of hugs with fairy dust to help you get through this part of your weight loss journey and to comfort your heart and mind x

 

[Bonita]

Tash I really feel for you and know exactly where you are coming from. When I lost my baby girl in a car accident that was the start of my weight battle.

Please be honest and get what councelling you can because you still have to deal with the head hunger following surgery. Its doubtful you will be turned down on psycholocical grounds if you are dealing with it and if you satisfy all the other criteria you should be ok.

Heres hoping everything works out for you (((hugs)))

Bonita

 

[debbiejane]

dear tash i am so sorry to here of your terrible loss. but jen is right you must tell them everything i had worries about this when i saw them but they are brill an will help you to deal with the eating problem from all angles.take care of yourself an my very best wishes love debbie x:grouphugg:

 

[Caroline101061]

You have to be honest - I remember that in our Support Group, the nurse said that some people during their psych evaluation said just what they thought would get them the op - being a veteran of counselling, you have to be honest - everyone here is so right. Good luck.

 

[Pandora_150]

I am very sorry for your loss and I believe by acknowledging that such a traumatic event has had an impact on your eating habits then you have already taken a big step towards addressing this problem.

Ultimately, I believe that the psychologists appointment can be grouped into 3 main categories:

1) Your general mental health. For example do you have a mental health problem which might need addressing prior to surgery. This could come in many forms, such as pre-existing conditions such as depression, bipolar, anxiety disorder...

2) Your mental health surrounding food and/or body image. For example do you have or have had problems such as anorexia, bulimia, binge eating or body dysmorphic disorder which may effect both short term and long term recovery.

3) Realistic expectations. Do you fully comprehend what you are about to do. Do you understand REALISTICALLY what can be achieved from surgery. For example do you understand that you can actually gain wait post-op; do you know about the likely development of unsightly loose skin; do you understand that despite your body changing your mental state and problems you have now will not be cured; do you know that WLS is not a miracle cure; do you have an understanding of what your life will be like post-op - and how both your relationship with food and your personal relationships will change.

As has been already said on here honesty is the best policy. If your psychologist decides that you may need help with dealing with the loss of your son and its impact on your eating habits this may not necessarily stop you from having the surgery. As I understand it, both criteria 1 and 2 can be dealt with at the session and future sessions; however, as far as I am aware it is criteria 3 which could possibly prevent you from getting a recommendation from the psychologist. And don't get me wrong your surgeon can override their conclusions if they feel it is necessary. However, the psychologists evaluation is not only a tool for your surgeon to base his decision on, it is a tool for you to try and advance your own understanding of yourself and what you are about to go through; and the tragic loss of your son will undoubtedly impact on this.

Please don't stress or get worried about this appointment. Be open (as open as you feel comfortable with!), and do not forget that they are ultimately there to help you and have your best interests at heart.


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