WHY DO I DO THIS Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

[Linski]

FGS I went to my gp yesterday to ask for xenical to try and lose weight prior to my operation. I have gained 8 lbs since Dec 17th and I FEEL SO ASHAMED!
I had promised myself to eat really healthy, not particular diet but prepare for my op in making good food choices. I guess I don't quiet believe I will ever get this operation as it just means so, so much to me. I eat so much sweet stuff and thats where my problem lies. Everyday I miss meals and eat crap and I NEED TO STOP THIS AND MAKE GOOD CHOICES. So why do I do this? I buy the best meat,fish and vegetables, fruit salad yet never cook for myself. I am worried because I am so aware that I need to change this NOW! Yet I am failing day afyer day and I hate myself for it. This is just like a vicious circle.

I spoke to Tracey at the Manor yesterday and she said my funding is all in place and I am looking at the end of the year. Initially it was August then October now end of year.

I am bigger than ever and its like I am eating to spite someone and the only person I am hurting is me so why do I do it?

Did any of you eat for England before your op or were you focused from day one?

Usually when I set my mind do do something nothing will budge or sway me. I just don't seem to be able to get the determination to diet since I have decided on a bypass. I just feel so unhealthy and fat it seems too much to tackle this time and I dont know why.

Linski

 

[Mecca123]

Fitness pal

 

[Jane]

Linski, I am sure we all have a self destruct button somewhere! I know I was doing just what you are, eating crap, mainly sweet foods and slowly putting on weight.

Even though I knew I had been referred for wls I honestly expected it to take such a long time that I was not worrying about dieting as I knew I would hopefully have that available. This was not the right way to be thinking at all, and I got a shock when I had a letter giving me appt for January and that funding was agreed.

Once I knew it was all happening I made myself diet properly, ok the odd bad day, but that's why we are big.

Possibly because your wls is so far away you are struggling with it, I know getting my date helped me a lot.

How about stop blaming yourself for what you have done, we have all been there. Start again, but don't set your targets too high.

Maybe log into myfitnesspal and be honest with what you are eating and try and cut down a percentage first then gradually get yourself into the right frame of mind to lose weight properly before your op.

If we could lose weight easily ourselves we wouldn't be having surgery, so I am sure everyone on here will understand how you are feeling.

Whatever you do, don't give up. My anaethetist told me that someone he had seen had put on lots of weight between being referred and seeing him and he has sent her away to lose weight before he will consider taking her any further. You are strong enough to do it, even if you just stay the same till you get your op.

IfI can support you in any way at all, phone calls, texts etc let me know and I would be happy to.

 

[Kizzy70]

linski
I really feel for you hunny, although I am just starting this process I really can understand how you feel. I myself feel so desperate at the moment, every day I get up and say this is it new day new me, and this lasts until about lunchtime! we are only hurting ourselves, and I've no idea why we do this!
I can't offer any help but all I can say is my thoughts are with you, and I hope you manage to get back on track soon
Sending lots of support
Best of luck with your journey
Take Care
Kim XX

 

[keeley86]

im was exactly the same hun and my surgeon told me if i put any weight on at all, ill not get my op - it took up till 3 weeks b4 my appointment b4 i finally gave in and stuck to my diet - it was a massive last minute rush but i did it (lost the weight id put on) - and allthough i keep falling off the wagon, wether it be for a day, a week or a month - i get back on it! and thats what you need to do hun! think yep ive stuffed myself yesterday and today so im brushing myself down and getting back to it tomorrow! itl come to you nearer the time when you want your surgeon to be proud of you and to know that your commited! then youll do it!
hang on to us luv and we can do it together, maybe post on the daily food diary thread with us that mite help you stick to it a little! all the best with it hun xxxxx and remember..... were only human! xxxxx

 

[dottychic]

I was the same too, I battled every day to eat healthy as Id just been diagnosed with diabetes, in actual fact this helped in that I cut out sweets and cakes etc straight away! My thing was crisps and I struggled like mad.....maybe when you get an actual date it will help? Good Luck hun XX

 

[sugga]

Hi Linski you are not alone in this. I was just the same as you and even though i managed to lose what the surgeon asked me to and more, i put it all back on at christmas.
It did leave me feeling very low but because i didnt have a date to focus on and what with one thing and another, i just could not diet for the life of me.

I managed to lose some weight after christmas but didnt lose the weight id put on untill i started the milk diet, which meant that when i went in for wls i was at the weight that i was when i last got weighed at the hospital.
They didnt weigh me on the morning of surgery so all went well but it didnt stop me worrying.

You have still got a long time to wait lovey before you are due your wls so its going to be worse for you and like me you will probably gain and lose, gain and lose. Its a roller coaster and not at all nice.
Try to not be so hard on yourself and just try your best, its going to be hard to not put weight on during the coming months though but you will lose it when you have to, iv got faith in you.
I left it right up until the last minute and i was ok but i just couldnt lose much before which i would have loved to have done...we are all different and have different levels of willpower as well so dont try to compare with anyone else just do what you can when you can.
I wish i could be of more help lovey but i know only too well how you feel and its horrible.

Thinking of you love and Huggs from someone who knows exactly what you are going through. xxxx

 

[Deets]

as soon as i made the decision to go ahead with WLS, i ate like it was going out of fasion I knew that until the op happened, i just couldnt control myself. A month before the op i started behaving myself because i knew if would have a direct impact on the surgery.

When you absolutely need to diet, you will come good x

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Im with ndy here hun,you have a long way to go so get your head in the right place first you have the time.Have you gat a weight management team if not ask your doc.Or join WW or SW I know they work but not forever in my case but it will get your head in the zone.Make small adjustments to shopping/eating phase out fizzy drinks,crisps,biscuits,sweets and cakes find healthy alternatives and have nothing in the house thats un healthy.Think HEALTH not WEIGHT.We are all experts on diets its eating healthily for life that was hard for me.As you progress this year you will feel better,have better eating habits etc.I had even got used to eating so differently I didnt have a last supper or binge !End of sermon!!!Soz for going on.Maz x

 

[mandym1]

I am in a similar place right now. I am waiting for a decision on funding which I am told could arrive any day but I have been on a self destruct path since Xmas... I feel so depressed and cant seem to shake it off. Ive gained about 10lb since my Weight Management Dr referred me for funding at the beginning of December. I am having some problems at home and I think this has contributed to the depression but its my fault Im shovelling the wrong foods in my mouth and no one elses...:raincloud:

 

[Linski]

Thanks everyone of you for your replies. It is so comforting that others are going through or have been through similar things.

Lin xxxx