hi all im trays husband, she has her op on monday, i was just wondering if any ones husband partner etc could give me some advice on what to expect and how best to help her, im worried and scared, apprehensive, etc just want whats best for her, and i want to be able to help her ..... any help would be great thanks......
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worried husband
- Thread starter darenp
- Start date
ditzeeblonde
New Member
Oh bless you Darren... I can't help b'coz I'm pre-op but didn't want to read & run. xx
SOON SLIM SUE
types with one finger
arrrrrrrrr Darenp, what a lovely thing to do.
i think just do what she needs and take it as it comes.
sue.
i think just do what she needs and take it as it comes.
sue.
phatmomma
New Member
Darren i'm 4 weeks post op, i'll tell you what i needed...
Help getting up out of bed for visits to the toilet in the night were a biggie, she may want some help lying down too. She is really going to need rest, i know people are going to want to visit and see how she is but if you can put them off for a few days to give Tray a bit of time to adjust to her surgery and being back home. The most important things for her to do are to REST and DRINK! It's sip sip sip all the time, the more fluids the better. She is going to have AWFUL wind pains, if she hasn't already brought something for the wind then some chewable or dissolveable wind tablets would be good!
Apart from that, you just need to do all the housework and wait on her hand and foot! Oh yes, learn how to use the washing machine
Seriously though, when she's home if you need to know anything just ask on here, someone will answer soon enough. If you have an urgent question, put in the title that its urgent. Good luck to you both x
Help getting up out of bed for visits to the toilet in the night were a biggie, she may want some help lying down too. She is really going to need rest, i know people are going to want to visit and see how she is but if you can put them off for a few days to give Tray a bit of time to adjust to her surgery and being back home. The most important things for her to do are to REST and DRINK! It's sip sip sip all the time, the more fluids the better. She is going to have AWFUL wind pains, if she hasn't already brought something for the wind then some chewable or dissolveable wind tablets would be good!
Apart from that, you just need to do all the housework and wait on her hand and foot! Oh yes, learn how to use the washing machine
Seriously though, when she's home if you need to know anything just ask on here, someone will answer soon enough. If you have an urgent question, put in the title that its urgent. Good luck to you both x
Hi Daren and welcome to the site. How lovely that you are trying to get prepared for her recovery.
Similar to Julies advice, the main help I needed was getting in and out of bed for the first couple of days. I just needed to lay down gradually, and also to get up gradually with someone strong helping to lay me down and pull me up.
She wont need much in the way of food preparing but if you could manage to look after yourself and the kids for the first couple of days that will be a big help. And just generally keep an eye on her that she is getting enough fluids, is getting up every hour or so for a little walk around, and that she is taking any medication she has as she may be a little out of it for a while.
Within a week or so she will be capable of light duties, making her own drinks, helping to prepare dinner etc, but the heavy stuff like hoovering or shopping will be off limits for a few weeks.
Anything else you need to know, just ask.
Similar to Julies advice, the main help I needed was getting in and out of bed for the first couple of days. I just needed to lay down gradually, and also to get up gradually with someone strong helping to lay me down and pull me up.
She wont need much in the way of food preparing but if you could manage to look after yourself and the kids for the first couple of days that will be a big help. And just generally keep an eye on her that she is getting enough fluids, is getting up every hour or so for a little walk around, and that she is taking any medication she has as she may be a little out of it for a while.
Within a week or so she will be capable of light duties, making her own drinks, helping to prepare dinner etc, but the heavy stuff like hoovering or shopping will be off limits for a few weeks.
Anything else you need to know, just ask.
jaynefrances
New Member
Just asked my hubby and he quickly replied, "lots of patience" !
Most of the practical stuff has been covered above and it really is invaluable. I felt a bit pathetic and weak for a while and was really frustrated at the things i couldn't do, so what i remember most is my hubby getting into the daily routine of getting me up on a morning and making sure all my drinks and meds were at hand for me before he went to work. He also made my porridge for brekkie as he knew i wouldn't eat otherwise as i had no appetite.
I would agree with what my hubby says too, i was a bit grumpy at times due to discomfort and frustration and i found it to be quite an emotional rollercoaster, so just some tlc and patience makes all the difference.
Most of the practical stuff has been covered above and it really is invaluable. I felt a bit pathetic and weak for a while and was really frustrated at the things i couldn't do, so what i remember most is my hubby getting into the daily routine of getting me up on a morning and making sure all my drinks and meds were at hand for me before he went to work. He also made my porridge for brekkie as he knew i wouldn't eat otherwise as i had no appetite.
I would agree with what my hubby says too, i was a bit grumpy at times due to discomfort and frustration and i found it to be quite an emotional rollercoaster, so just some tlc and patience makes all the difference.
seawaves
New Member
Tray, what a wondeful husband!! I loved reading your post Darren, & the replies where good for a pre opper to read, it gave me some insight & some panic as i'm a single parent to a 13 yr old so i hope she's feeling strong & can help me in & out of bed, poor girl is in for a rough ride i think!!
Thanks for making me see that there are still good men in this world
Thanks for making me see that there are still good men in this world
tray
New Member
it took me 2 other marriages to find him ..lol but like they say third time lucky ..lol he is a very special man , and i know he will be there for me , he has taken 2 weeks of work so he can help me round the house and look after me .. hes such a sweetheart.. thanks daren xxxxx hope im not making anyone feel sick ..lmao i know ,,,, wheres the bucket lol
StephieAck
I know Ive changed!
Its not absolutely definate that he will need to help you up and down, my husband didnt need to do that with me, I just did things slowly and carefully and so didnt need that help, though he did keep asking.
I would definately say patience and understanding are very important, it is a rough journey in those early days and Tray may well feel fine one minute and then weepy the next, fine again and then get all angry with herself, its totally normal. Be prepared for her to maybe even say "why did I do this to myself, PLEASE make them put me back how I was, PLEEEEEEEASE!!!"...I said that to my husband a few times and the best thing that he could (and did) do is say "awww honey Im sorry, it will get better I promise", this did actually help, it was just nice to know that he was understanding me and supporting me.
The first week all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep, hell...sod the lay down bit, if I sat still for a few minutes I was asleep sat up! lol so just make it so she can give in to that, keep it so she isnt having to deal with anything other than healing.
I agree with the keeping visitors away, I was lucky that my family were away on holiday for a few days after my surgery and so I didnt have them visiting and anyone else that wanted to were told to give it a few days. When my family did come to see me when they got back a few days post-op it was nice to see them and I do adore them but I found myself counting the minutes until they left so that I could just relax and stop putting on a brave face.
It really is best to keep getting up and wandering around, to help prevent clots and also to move any trapped gas. All I did was wander to the toilet and into the kitchen and garden, literally just a little wander around, then back on the sofa.
You can get squishy cushions, Home & Bargains I got mine from,they are like a mini bolster looking thing in funky colours and that first month or so I cuddled up to it, it comforted me and it was handy to hold against my tummy when I coughed (the hospital showed me how to cough 'properley'). It also came in handy at night in bed once I could sleep on my side, I propped it under my belly so that the weight of my belly didnt pull on my wounds, so that helped lots. A beanbag may be helpful too, to prop her up when she sleeps. Its harder to sleep on your back than it seems, I ended up with about four pillows behind me, two either side and two squishy cushions too, hubby called it my nest lol it really helped me to not accidentally turn onto my front in the night and disturb my wounds, in hindsight a beanbag would have done the job brilliantly.
So basically it is just keeping her comfy, being very very patient and understanding (from what I see of you, you have that in abundance xx) and just supporting your lovely wife and allowing her to act the way she needs to and just loving her. Also keep an eye on her wounds for her, just ask for a quick peek now and again, just to keep your eye on them for her, two sets of eyes being better than one.
I THINK I needed help in the shower the first week or so, but only so that hubby was in the room to help me step up over the side of the bath and get the shower going and then to be there in case I got dizzy, he didnt have to wash me or anything, I just needed his support as you feel very woozy and unsteady on your feet those first days and being in a slippery shower is very daunting.
The fact that you have joined our forum and posted this thread shows that you are going to be a brilliant person to have around for Tray, good on ya fella xx
Steph xx
I would definately say patience and understanding are very important, it is a rough journey in those early days and Tray may well feel fine one minute and then weepy the next, fine again and then get all angry with herself, its totally normal. Be prepared for her to maybe even say "why did I do this to myself, PLEASE make them put me back how I was, PLEEEEEEEASE!!!"...I said that to my husband a few times and the best thing that he could (and did) do is say "awww honey Im sorry, it will get better I promise", this did actually help, it was just nice to know that he was understanding me and supporting me.
The first week all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep, hell...sod the lay down bit, if I sat still for a few minutes I was asleep sat up! lol so just make it so she can give in to that, keep it so she isnt having to deal with anything other than healing.
I agree with the keeping visitors away, I was lucky that my family were away on holiday for a few days after my surgery and so I didnt have them visiting and anyone else that wanted to were told to give it a few days. When my family did come to see me when they got back a few days post-op it was nice to see them and I do adore them but I found myself counting the minutes until they left so that I could just relax and stop putting on a brave face.
It really is best to keep getting up and wandering around, to help prevent clots and also to move any trapped gas. All I did was wander to the toilet and into the kitchen and garden, literally just a little wander around, then back on the sofa.
You can get squishy cushions, Home & Bargains I got mine from,they are like a mini bolster looking thing in funky colours and that first month or so I cuddled up to it, it comforted me and it was handy to hold against my tummy when I coughed (the hospital showed me how to cough 'properley'). It also came in handy at night in bed once I could sleep on my side, I propped it under my belly so that the weight of my belly didnt pull on my wounds, so that helped lots. A beanbag may be helpful too, to prop her up when she sleeps. Its harder to sleep on your back than it seems, I ended up with about four pillows behind me, two either side and two squishy cushions too, hubby called it my nest lol it really helped me to not accidentally turn onto my front in the night and disturb my wounds, in hindsight a beanbag would have done the job brilliantly.
So basically it is just keeping her comfy, being very very patient and understanding (from what I see of you, you have that in abundance xx) and just supporting your lovely wife and allowing her to act the way she needs to and just loving her. Also keep an eye on her wounds for her, just ask for a quick peek now and again, just to keep your eye on them for her, two sets of eyes being better than one.
I THINK I needed help in the shower the first week or so, but only so that hubby was in the room to help me step up over the side of the bath and get the shower going and then to be there in case I got dizzy, he didnt have to wash me or anything, I just needed his support as you feel very woozy and unsteady on your feet those first days and being in a slippery shower is very daunting.
The fact that you have joined our forum and posted this thread shows that you are going to be a brilliant person to have around for Tray, good on ya fella xx
Steph xx
phatmomma
New Member
Ooh forgot to say that my hubby Trev gave me most of my clexane injections too every night! Was only in this last week of them that i told him i wanted to have a go!
Whatever you do after your clexane injection don't rub the spot where the needle went in (it can sometimes stinge as you take the needle out) as this can cause bruising. As the nurse explained it to me, you've just injected a blood thinner, if you rub it you're aggravating it where you've injected yourself which will give you a bruise. I'm lucky i have three big bruisers, don't know how figure i must have injected close to previous spots... Go for the fattest bit of your apron too, just lift it from beneath and tell him where to put it in, i just jabbed it and was amazed i felt nothing. Holding and trying to push it in gently was not comfortable. Bit like plasters, just whoosh it off and its done
All the best Tray, your Darren will look after you just right xx
Whatever you do after your clexane injection don't rub the spot where the needle went in (it can sometimes stinge as you take the needle out) as this can cause bruising. As the nurse explained it to me, you've just injected a blood thinner, if you rub it you're aggravating it where you've injected yourself which will give you a bruise. I'm lucky i have three big bruisers, don't know how figure i must have injected close to previous spots... Go for the fattest bit of your apron too, just lift it from beneath and tell him where to put it in, i just jabbed it and was amazed i felt nothing. Holding and trying to push it in gently was not comfortable. Bit like plasters, just whoosh it off and its done
All the best Tray, your Darren will look after you just right xx
Errrr you said somethin about needles??Tracey ( eyore)
New Member
tray ..................are there anymore of him hanging around brothers etc ............lol you could bottle him up and sell him.
Darren sounds like gonna be a great help................
good luck tray x
Darren sounds like gonna be a great help................
good luck tray x
daftmoo
New Member
Daren you sound like a lovely guy.
From my point of view I didn't need help with anything, could get in and out of bed on my own, was very tired and still am over 3 weeks post op, (i was done at the L&D) I was washing up 2 days after being discharged. I'm a single mum to a 12yr and 14 yr old and the only thing i had to get them to do was water my flower pots for a few days and empty the washing machine and carry my washing basket down the stairs. I guess I've been very lucky and Hope Tray is as lucky as me.
Oh and of course there is the no driving bit, so she will need to be driven everywhere by you.
From my point of view I didn't need help with anything, could get in and out of bed on my own, was very tired and still am over 3 weeks post op, (i was done at the L&D) I was washing up 2 days after being discharged. I'm a single mum to a 12yr and 14 yr old and the only thing i had to get them to do was water my flower pots for a few days and empty the washing machine and carry my washing basket down the stairs. I guess I've been very lucky and Hope Tray is as lucky as me.
Oh and of course there is the no driving bit, so she will need to be driven everywhere by you.
thank you to everyone that has given me advice, i really appreciate it, its nice to know i can get some help if needed, monday is getting closer, the start of my wifes new life, i intend to do everything in my power to help her succeed, and start a new life, thankyou all for helping me do this .....daren
