You Saved My Life!!

[ChynaDoll]

Hello everyone

Wow I can't believe my first thread had over 2000 views. I'm shocked and a little embarrassed lol.

I had said I didn't know why I wrote on here but I do. I was adamant on ending my life. I told myself that no matter what anybody said to me I was going to do it anyway. And leaving this message on here would just be my final thoughts and feelings where none of my family or friends would find it. And people in my life could make their own version of why I was unhappy and why I did what I did, but the people who were like me would know the truth and understand. I felt only people like me who have suffered the physical and mental struggles of being obese could understand the depth of my pain.

Well obviously I didn't go through with it cos I'm here today writing this. And that's because of everybody who reached out to me. Words cannot describe how grateful I am. Nobody had to reply or share their own stories about their experiences with depression and suicidal thoughts. Nobody had to email me weeks later to make sure I'm still alive. But you did.

You are all my angels. You saved my life!!!
I don't even feel like saying "Thank You" is enough. But thank you all so much I wouldn't be here otherwise.

The next few days after my post were rough. I literally read all of your replies while sobbing my heart out. I prayed and cried some more. I felt guilty too cos you were all so worried about me. But I chose life and I'm glad I did. And time is flying!!! Lol. That 8 months has turned into 6 already I can't believe it!!
It still sucks to go out and socialise but I'm trying.. And taking care of myself more.. Trying to get back to the old me somewhat. I used to love fashion and hair and makeup so I'm trying to get back to the stage of feeling pretty! Lol


Today my friend sent me this video, it's a spoken word video kind of like a poem, he knows me so well he said I'd appreciate it. And it moved me to tears because I felt like it described my life. People saying mean things to me and feeling worthless. Hopefully this lets me post links cos I really want to share it with you guys. I feel like alot of you will appreciate it too, especially those who shared their stories with me, and even those of you who just look at this forum and haven't signed up just like I did for months

These words stood out to me:

"If you can't find something beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror"

it doesn't matter if you're pre op or post op, if ur big, small, black, white or purple. There is beauty in all of us and it doesn't have to be aesthetic. I'm learning this again now. And I hope you're all embracing your beauty

Bullies Called Him Pork Chop. He Took That Pain With Him And Then Cooked It Into This.

I hope that everyone is well and thank you all so much again.

Xxx Chyna

 

[Caren]

oh chyna this is a truly inspiring post! we all have our issues and being obese is something that slim people will never understand, if i had a pound for every time someone said "just stop eating" i'd be a very rich woman lol
These 6 months will soon be 4 then 2 etc, I wish you all the luck and love in the world and look forward to following your success story
Stay strong lovely lady xxx

 

[BigDee's now little]

It is so good to here from you again; there were times when I was very worried about you. But its great news that not only are you surviving, you appear to be much more focused and positive. It just goes to show what a great support network we have here. Good luck to you and lots of love too xxx

 

[chrisa]

Keep on trucking Chyna thats the way girl you are special and we know it just so pleased you have now seen it and been able to recognse it for yourself. You know sometimes we have to get to the bottom and surrender before we can rise again just like a Phoenix. You are beautiful inside n out, dont ever let anyone tell you differently, everyone is special in Gods eyes. Celebrate life give it your all, done that makeup, do up that hair, put on those clothes and hit the town, go out n dance and sing n whatever you like doing, there is a big world out there just waiting for you to be a part of it. So proud of you making this big step. xx

 

[gonnabethinner]

So pleased to hear u r feeling a little better. It takes time u will.still Have days when u feel sad but they will be less and less and the good days will be more and more hune. Weve all been there. Glad u r on the mend hune. U matter hune!

 

[Lincs Lass]

I'm mopping my eyes here. I can relate to so much of what you said - both in your original post and here. You are a lovely person and so glad you haven't let the idiots win xxx

 

[rickysmrs]

YAYYYYY ITS A CELEBRATION!!!!! says me sat here in tears but tears of happiness you touched me with your 1st post and oce again for better reasons you have touched me again. I ama true believer that thereare angels amongest us your cry for help was answered my sweet stay strong and keep fighting. xxx

 

[ChynaDoll]

Thank you Caren
I had the same with my anxiety n the fact I couldn't go out and people said "Just do it".. It's really not that simple but I'm definitely in a good place. Once you hit rock bottom the only way is up!
And well done to you for doing so well in only 9 months!!
Mwah xx

 

[ChynaDoll]

Chrisa you are one of the people who stood out to me the most!
How is everything with you? I hope you're well.
I'm much more excited and confident moving forward now. I just can't wait to be on the other side lol.
Thank you again for your kind and encouraging words

Xx

 

[ChynaDoll]

Lol thank you rickysmrs *big hugs*
I'm glad ur tears are happy now as are mine! Of course I still have those days but they're no biggy I feel like with the right help and support I'll be just fine.
I can't bring myself to read my first post again but I do read the msgs sometimes when I'm feeling a lil low.
Onwards n upwards aye!
Xx

 

[ChynaDoll]

Lincs Lass, awww thanks love! I'm not glad that you can relate but it's a sad reality that alot of people go through things like this.

I see you're having surgery tomora?! Woohoo!!
Best of luck I hope it all goes well I'll be back to check how you're doing!

Mwah xx

 

[Fuffs]

Well done I did not see your first post. But I so pleased for you that you are bank on your feet again. That takes so much courage and will. Stay blessed

 

[Yvessa]

Well done for having the strength to choose life. It is a hard choice and if you managed to bring yourself back from there and I can only imagine how successful you will be once you do have your weightloss.

 

[Sarahj2710]

, I read your original post and couldn't reply because it cut too close to home. The turning point in my life was January 20th 2012, when I woke up on the floor in my living room after having consumed a whole packet of sleeping pills and a litre bottle of jack Daniels. At first I thought myself a monumental failure, couldn't even kill myself! Then slowly over the next few weeks came to realise that I had been given another chance at life and I needed to live life to the fullest.

I had seen my surgeon the November prior to this incident and he told me that the waiting time was 2 years. So when this happened I wasn't expecting anything from the hospital, so decided to try and lose some weight on my own. In march 2012, my 19 year old son had a stroke, and I almost lost the most amazing person in my life, and again was so grateful to be there for him, to see him recover and be there for him. Can you Imagine him going through that without his mum around. In July 2012, I received the call of calls inviting me into the hospital for my surgery, I'd already lost 5 stone but was struggling. I was doing lighter life and it was making me so ill, I was on the verge of giving up when the call came through. 31st July I had my surgery and my life changed.

I am 11 stone down now, still a long way to go, but everyday is looking brighter, I have more energy I LOVE clothes shopping (although need to pack that in, my poor credit card!) and I generally love life. And to think I could have been dead a year had things worked out the way I wanted them to at the time.

I still suffer from depression, I still take 20mg of citalopram per day. I still have moments of self doubt, and self loathing. But I am never suicidal. And I thank goodness for everyday that I am here, alive !

You are a strong woman lovely, you will get to where you NEED to be. You may never be a conventional supermodel, but you know what, who wants to be ? You're you and thank goodness for that! 6 months is nothing compared to how long you've already waited. You can do this. Enjoy putting your slap on, getting dressed up and socialising. I know it's easier said than done, but ignore the comments and stares and just have fun fun fun. You can lose the weight they'll always be ignorant idiots!

If ever you want to talk or chat, or rage or swear or anything... I'll (along with the rest of the forum) will be here. Don't give up, fight it girl. You'll be pleased you did.

Much love and hugs

Xxxx

 

[cassiek]

, I read your original post and couldn't reply because it cut too close to home. The turning point in my life was January 20th 2012, when I woke up on the floor in my living room after having consumed a whole packet of sleeping pills and a litre bottle of jack Daniels. At first I thought myself a monumental failure, couldn't even kill myself! Then slowly over the next few weeks came to realise that I had been given another chance at life and I needed to live life to the fullest.

I had seen my surgeon the November prior to this incident and he told me that the waiting time was 2 years. So when this happened I wasn't expecting anything from the hospital, so decided to try and lose some weight on my own. In march 2012, my 19 year old son had a stroke, and I almost lost the most amazing person in my life, and again was so grateful to be there for him, to see him recover and be there for him. Can you Imagine him going through that without his mum around. In July 2012, I received the call of calls inviting me into the hospital for my surgery, I'd already lost 5 stone but was struggling. I was doing lighter life and it was making me so ill, I was on the verge of giving up when the call came through. 31st July I had my surgery and my life changed.

I am 11 stone down now, still a long way to go, but everyday is looking brighter, I have more energy I LOVE clothes shopping (although need to pack that in, my poor credit card!) and I generally love life. And to think I could have been dead a year had things worked out the way I wanted them to at the time.

I still suffer from depression, I still take 20mg of citalopram per day. I still have moments of self doubt, and self loathing. But I am never suicidal. And I thank goodness for everyday that I am here, alive !

You are a strong woman lovely, you will get to where you NEED to be. You may never be a conventional supermodel, but you know what, who wants to be ? You're you and thank goodness for that! 6 months is nothing compared to how long you've already waited. You can do this. Enjoy putting your slap on, getting dressed up and socialising. I know it's easier said than done, but ignore the comments and stares and just have fun fun fun. You can lose the weight they'll always be ignorant idiots!

If ever you want to talk or chat, or rage or swear or anything... I'll (along with the rest of the forum) will be here. Don't give up, fight it girl. You'll be pleased you did.

Much love and hugs

Xxxx

Inspirational post

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[cassiek]

Hello everyone

Wow I can't believe my first thread had over 2000 views. I'm shocked and a little embarrassed lol.

I had said I didn't know why I wrote on here but I do. I was adamant on ending my life. I told myself that no matter what anybody said to me I was going to do it anyway. And leaving this message on here would just be my final thoughts and feelings where none of my family or friends would find it. And people in my life could make their own version of why I was unhappy and why I did what I did, but the people who were like me would know the truth and understand. I felt only people like me who have suffered the physical and mental struggles of being obese could understand the depth of my pain.

Well obviously I didn't go through with it cos I'm here today writing this. And that's because of everybody who reached out to me. Words cannot describe how grateful I am. Nobody had to reply or share their own stories about their experiences with depression and suicidal thoughts. Nobody had to email me weeks later to make sure I'm still alive. But you did.

You are all my angels. You saved my life!!!
I don't even feel like saying "Thank You" is enough. But thank you all so much I wouldn't be here otherwise.

The next few days after my post were rough. I literally read all of your replies while sobbing my heart out. I prayed and cried some more. I felt guilty too cos you were all so worried about me. But I chose life and I'm glad I did. And time is flying!!! Lol. That 8 months has turned into 6 already I can't believe it!!
It still sucks to go out and socialise but I'm trying.. And taking care of myself more.. Trying to get back to the old me somewhat. I used to love fashion and hair and makeup so I'm trying to get back to the stage of feeling pretty! Lol

Today my friend sent me this video, it's a spoken word video kind of like a poem, he knows me so well he said I'd appreciate it. And it moved me to tears because I felt like it described my life. People saying mean things to me and feeling worthless. Hopefully this lets me post links cos I really want to share it with you guys. I feel like alot of you will appreciate it too, especially those who shared their stories with me, and even those of you who just look at this forum and haven't signed up just like I did for months

These words stood out to me:

"If you can't find something beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror"

it doesn't matter if you're pre op or post op, if ur big, small, black, white or purple. There is beauty in all of us and it doesn't have to be aesthetic. I'm learning this again now. And I hope you're all embracing your beauty

Bullies Called Him Pork Chop. He Took That Pain With Him And Then Cooked It Into This.

I hope that everyone is well and thank you all so much again.

Xxx Chyna

So sad a story but so glad you have now seen the light...

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[shelleymarie]

Hmm, really struggling to find the right words but so glad you are here Chyna, I really am. I've been exactly where you were several times in my life and really understand how hard it is to keep fighting but you can keep fighting and we will stand behind you every step of the way. People think people like us are weak because we feel so much pain and can't control certain aspects of our lives but we are not, we are so very strong because despite that we keep going and because of that we inspirational. It feels funny to say we, like I'm including myself but I do mean we as all of us surviving on this journey because survival is for the strong and you are strong Chyna. Take care of yourself and keep talking xxx

Thank you Sarah for sharing your story too, you too are so very strong and as I told you the other day very inspiring xxx

 

[Sarahj2710]

Hmm, really struggling to find the right words but so glad you are here Chyna, I really am. I've been exactly where you were several times in my life and really understand how hard it is to keep fighting but you can keep fighting and we will stand behind you every step of the way. People think people like us are weak because we feel so much pain and can't control certain aspects of our lives but we are not, we are so very strong because despite that we keep going and because of that we inspirational. It feels funny to say we, like I'm including myself but I do mean we as all of us surviving on this journey because survival is for the strong and you are strong Chyna. Take care of yourself and keep talking xxx

Thank you Sarah for sharing your story too, you too are so very strong and as I told you the other day very inspiring xxx

Thanks Shelly, I am in a much better place now. You're very inspirational to me too. Yours was one of the first posts I read when I first came on here, and have been thankful for your support ever since. Xxx

 

[ChynaDoll]

Hey guys!! I dnt know who'll get this but just to say I've been lurking the past couple of months! I just got my op date and will be having my surgery on September 10th a week after my birthday
Hope to hear from some of you
Xx

 

[Yvessa]

Congrats! You sound so much stronger hun.