.

[cah-ching]

Hi,

I went to see my doctor and mentioned that I was having the surgery as she was putting me on a course of antibiotics. She knows Mr. Khan and sang his praises a few months back when I mentioned i was having the op done privately.
Sha asked me how much it was costing and mentioned it was a lot of money and also asked whether I'd be ab;e to lose the weight with the band. At this point I just quoted statistics (60% excess weight etc.) and that the gastric bypass was much more expensive. Really I do feel I will fail with the band and that it's going to be the single biggest regret of my life. I'm also beginning to wonder if I'll come out of the operation alive. Lots of things whirling through my mind. To the point where I don't feel I can commit to anything as I probably won't be here after next week. I'm so scared. I'm so fat and unhealthy right now ... I can't walk around town without needing to sit down and rest, this isn't the me of even 8 months ago.
I've not been good today AT ALL with the pre-operative diet. I'm seeking solace from my worries in food. I'm so very down down down right now I can't even begin to convey it in the written word. I feel so lonely and I'm scared and I don't think I can tell anyone apart from write it here on WLS.

What do I do?

1) not have the op and stay fat n unfit ... get worse and worse, I'm struggling now and even see how fat I am in the mirror. I'm ashamed to go into shops. SHoes don't fit anymore. I look so awful.

or

2) have the op and worry about not losing or more aptly dying on the operation table.

Thanks for listening so far.

I just needed to off-load.

 

[Sambucca]

Morning CC,

I dont have time for a long reply as Ive only popped on for 5 mins before we set off to cornwall (yes, I'm addicted!)

Just enough time to say you need to snap out of this negative mentality. If you think you will fail you will fail. If you think you will succeed you will succeed.

Also, the thoughts you are having about not surviving the op are perfectly normal. I had them, I think pretty much everyone has them - but what's the alternative? You take a calculated risk with a very capable surgeon who has operated on ladies twice your size, or you carry on as you are, loathing your self and getting bigger and bigger.

We are here because we dont have enough control over what we put in our mouths. We need help. Its not going to be easy - you already know that, but it is going to be easier than before and we need all the help we can get.

We'll have to try and meet up asap when I get back. xx

 

[teen]

I did my pre op over xmas and new year and I admit I was naughty xmas day but all was well and my op went ahead as planned

Good luck

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

I know in the past we have all failed at various diets, that is why we are going for surgery. But with the new tool to help we have to give it our best shot and I for one am determined it will work. I can't afford for it not too if I want to be around for my children. You can do it caching and it will be so worth it. As Sam says it is only natural to have these feelings and I am sure most people have them but please start to think past that.

 

[phatmomma]

Cahching - We all worry about the surviving of the operation. Way i figure it is this, i could die of a heart attack tomorrow. I could be having limbs amputated because of my diabetes.... I wanna take a chance and have my op with a surgeon who knows what they're doing and a flipping fantastic anaesthetist who is used to dealing with us ladies of stature....

The last thing i want is 6 pall bearers carrying a custom made 'huge' coffin down the aisle at the crematorium with my family n friends looking at it saying ''if only she'd lost a bit of weight''........

Pick your chin up girl, get the strength back in you and continue with your mental preperation, you know you trust Mr Khan you took a lot of advice before choosing your surgeon and surgery...

You will survive and you will do well because you need too xxx

 

[Katastrophe]

Cah-ching,

I'm with Sam here , you really need to stop overthinking everything so much and get out of the negative spiral.

I know it's hard, i've only got 10 days to go and my mood and what i want changes from one day to the next. I'm SO SCARED and have exactly the same thoughts as you but i know if i don't do this i'll regret it and so will you.

This isn't the easy way out, asking for help takes a lot more courage than just sitting back and doing nothing. xx

 

[Mazza]

Oh dear, Im so sorry your feeling so down at the moment. Its only natural to feel scared but dont feel lonely, we are all here anytime you want to chat/offload or share your worries. Also to share your journey with you.

Sending you positive vibes :vibes: and a hug :hug99:

 

[madstaffyblonde1]

CC I no exactly how your feeling with only 5 days to my surgery it is so bloody scary, in fact I don't think I have ever been so scared of anything in my life, I keep going over things in my head, how will my family cope, I have even left instructions on what music to play at my funeral and have wrote letters to my hubby, son and daughter, why I don't know but it made me feel abit calmer when I had done them but no matter what I am still going for this op and I will survive and I will succeed because i have to there is no other way I can get to a healthy weight without it, I have tried and failed.

You to will succeed but if you are so unsure still about the correct surgery for you then speak to the surgeons secretary, we all choose different types of surgery for different reasons, I choose the bypass as I no if I can cheat I will and with the band it would be to easy for me to do that and the fact i didn't want a port lol. You will be fine in what ever decision you make, you will make it work as you have worked hard to fund it and you wont want to let yourself down.

Never feel lonely we are always here for you Hun, good luck with the op and hope you have a pain free journey.

 

[LisaG]

Hi gang,

I'm currently on the countdown now to my op aka pre-op diet. I approach the date of my operation with some trepidation. I'm not excited, I don't even think about it that much .... except I wonder if I'll come out the other side.

I'm currently drinking 3 shakes per day + 2 yogurts. I've not been too bad but I've not been 100% which frankly annoys me. Spoke with the dietitian today and he doesn't seem to worried about my approach and even suggested that days I can't face the soups/shakes/yogurts or the milk/yogurt, I can switch to food, which is strict in portion sizes but does offer some level of variety - which I think will keep me somewhat sane as doing Cambridge Diet (which is similar) drove me insane - literally .

So do any of you chaps 'n' chapesses have any coping mechanisms or tips for getting through what has been billed as the hardest part of my journey.

Thanks in advance,

CC x

Just keep going! On the day of my op the person before me ended up having open surgery because her liver was not small enough...she's still in hospital now and will have a huge scar and is prone to much more infection. You can do it...you HAVE to!

 

[cah-ching]

Thanks guys. Feeling more positive today. Just sipping my chicken soup - how I ever even drank 1 CD shake/soup is beyond me - expensive and disgusting tasting. Build-up is lovely so even though I have CD shakes left - they'll be going in the bin unless I can find a CDer who wants them gratis.

I have not doubt in my mind I will succeed with the band, I've just been struggling with the pre-op.

I really hope my liver can shrink enough .. to be honest I haven't been scared or worried about that partly thinking that wouldn't slit me open.

Anyway soup n shakes all the way now. Don't want the pre-op food diet as I don't think the my liver will shrink enough.

Feeling brighter again. I think too much!

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

So pleased you are feeling much better today.

 

[CCPM]

Glad you feel better today CC. You will be fine. It will really be the start of a new life. 1 year down the line it will all be coming good for you.

Good luck

M

 

[ditzeeblonde]

You can do it CC & you will come out the other side & build yourself the most fantastic future. xx

 

[cah-ching]

Gosh I've just read that 2.bands.liz is looking to have a 3rd surgery this time for a bypass .... I just knew I should have had one of those lol.

Anyway it's too late now ... money's been spent and I've got to continue down the band route.

It's reading stories like 2.bands.liz that makes me so envious of the NHS qualifiers; it's so darn frustrating this self-funding thing.

All I can do is work with the tool I have and hope for the best. I'm a bit scared of failure, but I'm confident about succeeding, but I'm failing terribly at this pre-op diet .... I realise deprivation isn't for me and goes against every core of me.

I just can't do the damned diet. It's horrid.

Anyway apart from that I'm positive.

 

[phatmomma]

Cah-ching if you are seriously wishing you had booked a bypass then can you not see if you can change?

As for the deprivation you will have that whether a band or a bypass? My worry was for myself that if i had a band i wouldn't have to be deprived as i could still eat the naughty food with no comeback on myself, whereas with the bypass if you do have something you shouldn't you will probably dump big style....

Seriously, think long and hard and if you can go the extra mile for the bypass (especially after reading Liz's story) then i'd consider speaking to your surgeon. He is a flexible friend lol...

Good luck with your choices, i am sure you have the strength to conquer whichever route you go xx

 

[cah-ching]

Hiya Phatmomma,

I think I'm just going to go ahead. I'm worrying myself unneccessarily and stressing in much the same fashion. lol

I'm of the feeling that if the band doesn't work (which I believe it will) I'll get it removed and badger my GP for a bypass referral.

I'm not in a rush to lose the weight, I just want to know it can happen. lol.

As for deprivation - I don't like shakes n soups ... especially as I'm finding I am lactose intolerant (lol) and it aint pretty! I don't mind smaller portions of normal food, I don't like soups and I don't like shakes. LOL.

Anyway ... onwards and downwards. I may even have a wee chat with Mr. Khan before I go to sleep and say "if yah can't band me just slice me up for a bypass" lol. He should be in a good enough mood I think he told me he is on holibobs next week or has just come off his holibobs, can't quite remember!

 

[fitz]

Hi CC
I hope you don't mind me visiting - I often come on here to read a few diaries.

I just wanted to wish you all the very best for next week. I have no doubt you will be fine but understand your concerns, only natural to feel apprehensive but one day @ a time eh

Take care & look after yourself x

 

[ChefClay]

Got my pre-op diet to come at the end of the summer all being well! Carefully watching how you all deal with it, Lol - Paul

 

[phatmomma]

Cah-ching i think Fitz comment was spot on!

One day at a time....... We should all use that in our lives when things are a little tough, look at the smaller picture, small steps and you've soon walked a long way....

If i dont see you on here before your op, then all the very best of luck to you, i look forward to seeing your losses xxx

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Gosh I've just read that 2.bands.liz is looking to have a 3rd surgery this time for a bypass .... I just knew I should have had one of those lol.

Please dont do as i do because you have to choose whats right for you,if this band had of been holding the fills i would of been quite happy to stay with banding as it has worked extremley well for me, what has happened to me is rare ive just been unlucky that its happened to me twice now thro no fault of my own. They havent gave me an answer yet anyway so i do not know if i can have a bypass or not, they will either want to repair me band or replace it but everytime a band is removed and replaced it scarrs the stomach and because of "this reason only" i dont want a 3rd band. If you want a bypass then it has to be right for you and only you can be truthfull about your eating habbits and choose whats the best op for you.

Anyway it's too late now ... money's been spent and I've got to continue down the band route.

We are all individual and have our own journeys, & its for very valid reasons im requesting a bypass, i have worked very hard with both my bands, and im sure you have researched the band well and if this suits your eating habbits then im sure your band will work just as effectivley for you, banding isnt easy to live with but if you follow the rules the rewards are there for the taking.

It's reading stories like 2.bands.liz that makes me so envious of the NHS qualifiers; it's so darn frustrating this self-funding thing.

i understand your frustration about the self pay thing, its sad how all are not entitled because of areas ect.

All I can do is work with the tool I have and hope for the best. I'm a bit scared of failure, but I'm confident about succeeding, but I'm failing terribly at this pre-op diet .... I realise deprivation isn't for me and goes against every core of me.

Bands can fail if they wear out like mine and need fixing or repaired or have leaks and port problems ect, apart from that the only other way to fail with a band is lack of will power and making wrong food choices because people dont like the restricted feeling and take the easier option of eating slider foods but this will stop weight loss, im not trying to put you off banding as im always honest with people about life with my bands, but if your will power is weak especially where sweet foods are concerned banding can be very hard to live with.

I just can't do the damned diet. It's horrid.

Anyway apart from that I'm positive.

Good luck on your weight loss journey i hope everything you desire from banding comes good for you, please dont do as i do as my reasons are personal to my own journey for wanting to change to a bypass x

Sorry if ive offended any 1 with this post but i felt i had to answer and give my reasons for wanting to change op type x