Advice wanted, partner anti WLS

[Dinda]

Firstly, this isn't about me, I am 2 years post bypass and have no regrets! I have made friends with a mixed group of pre and post WLS people - one of whom has a dilemma and so I thought I'd turn to here for advice (with her permission!) so here goes .......

My friend has a date for her RNY bypass in March this year, she has health problems that she is looking forward to seeing the back of (2 types of arthritis, diabetes, sleep apnoea, hip replacement required - and I've probably forgot something!) but she isn't massively overweight. Her partner really doesn't want her going through surgery, he thinks it's dangerous, she doesn't need it and she should continue with healthy eating and exercise as it has reduced her weight successfully. She's done all the things she can think of, told him she needs this, she's aware of the risks, she's dieted and exercised through life with the same losses and gains and is tired of it now. She's about to hit 50 and wants this weight off her mind as well as her body.

This isn't about bashing her partner, this is asking for messages to help him see the importance and benefit of this surgery to his partner. What strategies did you use with your partner/loved ones? What worked? Do you have support or encouragement to offer him?

She has been through a lot, even to the point of considering a band instead of a bypass in the hope he is less worried. This is causing arguments and friction at a time they both need support. Help!

 

[Paula Garner]

Perhaps she should take her partner to the next group meeting, so he can hear from others how this surgery has changed their lives and health?

Hearing from others is sometimes easier, as he'll have no emotional connection to them

 

[los in it]

you don't say how long they have been together if its a length of time maybe he might think back to a time when she was smaller and maybe with less pressing health issues
how was she in herself?
was she doing more?
its it more dangerous for her to remain in the condition she is in and it looks like its only going to get worse?
now ask him to take a look at her now
just my thoughts
hope it helps

were they doing more as a couple ?

 

[Dinda]

Thanks for these responses. He has met some of us socially and that has never been an issue, however if I use myself as an example he can see how the surgery was needed as I was 14 stones heavier, my before photo is something that is a bit hard to relate to me now - but his partner is 'only' carrying perhaps an extra 4 stones. This is a massive strain on her joints and medical conditions but he is adamant that this amount can be moved with diet and exercise. I think it's just worry for her and the scare stories you always see in the media. I know from the gazillion diets and regimes I put myself through before opting for the surgical assistance the mindset of someone who really believes this can be sorted another way. Even standing in the theatre about to get on the operating table I was telling myself I should be able to sort this out myself, I didn't need or want surgery - even though it was as clear as day to me that nothing else had worked before.

Her cousin is 6 weeks post bypass and she has spoken to him, but again, he can see her need but not his partners. I guess he just loves her and might be scared of the changes. They are a lovely couple, been together about a decade I think but have known each other all their lives as grew up in the same street, shared friends etc.