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And my journey starts....
- Thread starter rose2022
- Start date
Serious doubts are creeping in 
Iv got my appointment with Dr akhtar tonight but I'm having major feelings of guilt about spending this much money on correcting my selfish behaviour. I so desperately want my band done and am only 3 weeks away from surgery but have starting thinking about what I could use the money for to give my family a better life... my husband is so supportive and wants me to have this done so I can have a better quality of life I'm just not used to putting myself first at the expense of 5k!! It's not helping that were moving house tmr then on hols on Thursday (during which I'll be doing my preop diet) just found out my kids passports might not be here in time and we might have to get a later flight (more money to pay out) and then in September I start a new job... feel like my heads going to explode and guess what crutch I'm using to get me through... yep, I'm off to buy shares in mcvities hobnobs !!!!!! Sorry to moan but it feels so much better when you write stuff down I I'm in need of some serious offloading ...!!
Iv got my appointment with Dr akhtar tonight but I'm having major feelings of guilt about spending this much money on correcting my selfish behaviour. I so desperately want my band done and am only 3 weeks away from surgery but have starting thinking about what I could use the money for to give my family a better life... my husband is so supportive and wants me to have this done so I can have a better quality of life I'm just not used to putting myself first at the expense of 5k!! It's not helping that were moving house tmr then on hols on Thursday (during which I'll be doing my preop diet) just found out my kids passports might not be here in time and we might have to get a later flight (more money to pay out) and then in September I start a new job... feel like my heads going to explode and guess what crutch I'm using to get me through... yep, I'm off to buy shares in mcvities hobnobs !!!!!! Sorry to moan but it feels so much better when you write stuff down I I'm in need of some serious offloading ...!!
Bella'sBand
New Member
Hi Wendy, it is not selfish to want to resolve your issue with weight. If diets worked none of us would have had WLS. I am 41 I started dieting at 14 I was 10stone and did not really need to loose weight I was a size 12, if only I knew then what I know now right
And I can assure you that was the last time I ever seen a size 12. All dieting did was make me feel deprived and put me on the edge of a spiral that I just kept going down and down and faster and faster and before I knew it I was 18 and 13 stone, then 21 and 16 stone then for the next 12 years yoyo'd between 13.9 stone and 17.2 at my heaviest. Then when I had my youngest I reached an all time high of 19.9 and since I had him I have only been able to reach 17.10 on my own and you got it put it all back on again.
You know why? Because the cycle of on and off dieting messes your body. It is a rollercoaster ride and I for one want to get off. I do not want to be reaching 20 stone in 6 months time or 21 stone in a year. It is not selfish for me or you to want to take this money and time and get it fixed once and for all.
For years I put off surgery thinking ''I can do this on my own'' and 2 months ago I said to myself, ''well here we are 6 months into the year and I am not a pound lighter than 6 months ago infact I am several pounds heavier. That is when I put all my doubts about surgery aside and decided to jump off the cliff and give it a go. What did I have to loose? I have been there, done that with every diet and piece of excercise equipment on the planet, bike, walker, vibro plate...you name it I have done it.
The reason I finally thought it could work is I can diet great guns but when I don't see results I say ''why bother'' and packets of biscuts were my best friend again. This time when I have restriction I am hoping that when I do not see results I cannot just throw in the towel because I have the band and be forced to stay on track, which I fail to do on my own.
Even I gained a pound last week but still stayed on track, still ate by the book because I have paid all this money, I do have scars on my body and I am not having them just to cheat myself, what position would I leave myself in then?
So please do not think it selfish to want this madness to end. £5000 is a lot of money it is certainly not an amount I have to throw about willy nilly. But there is nothing it could buy, that my family could spend it on that would mean more to them than me getting myself sorted out. And yes they love me exactly as I am but it is about loving myself. And in loving ourselves we have to take the time and energy to heal to get out of this cycle we are in.
I wish I could have had in on the NHS but it is a lottery and I see people with less weight than me to loose and I think how did they get funding and I did'nt. But life is not fair and I needed to part with hard earned money and if I think about the amount I have spent on ''treats'' over the years or in years to come then it far exceeds £5000.
I am sure your family want for you what you want for yourself and if surgery is it then you go for it. You do not want to live with regret or what if, just do it if it is truly what you want. Money will come and go but your health is priceless
And I can assure you that was the last time I ever seen a size 12. All dieting did was make me feel deprived and put me on the edge of a spiral that I just kept going down and down and faster and faster and before I knew it I was 18 and 13 stone, then 21 and 16 stone then for the next 12 years yoyo'd between 13.9 stone and 17.2 at my heaviest. Then when I had my youngest I reached an all time high of 19.9 and since I had him I have only been able to reach 17.10 on my own and you got it put it all back on again.
You know why? Because the cycle of on and off dieting messes your body. It is a rollercoaster ride and I for one want to get off. I do not want to be reaching 20 stone in 6 months time or 21 stone in a year. It is not selfish for me or you to want to take this money and time and get it fixed once and for all.
For years I put off surgery thinking ''I can do this on my own'' and 2 months ago I said to myself, ''well here we are 6 months into the year and I am not a pound lighter than 6 months ago infact I am several pounds heavier. That is when I put all my doubts about surgery aside and decided to jump off the cliff and give it a go. What did I have to loose? I have been there, done that with every diet and piece of excercise equipment on the planet, bike, walker, vibro plate...you name it I have done it.
The reason I finally thought it could work is I can diet great guns but when I don't see results I say ''why bother'' and packets of biscuts were my best friend again. This time when I have restriction I am hoping that when I do not see results I cannot just throw in the towel because I have the band and be forced to stay on track, which I fail to do on my own.
Even I gained a pound last week but still stayed on track, still ate by the book because I have paid all this money, I do have scars on my body and I am not having them just to cheat myself, what position would I leave myself in then?
So please do not think it selfish to want this madness to end. £5000 is a lot of money it is certainly not an amount I have to throw about willy nilly. But there is nothing it could buy, that my family could spend it on that would mean more to them than me getting myself sorted out. And yes they love me exactly as I am but it is about loving myself. And in loving ourselves we have to take the time and energy to heal to get out of this cycle we are in.
I wish I could have had in on the NHS but it is a lottery and I see people with less weight than me to loose and I think how did they get funding and I did'nt. But life is not fair and I needed to part with hard earned money and if I think about the amount I have spent on ''treats'' over the years or in years to come then it far exceeds £5000.
I am sure your family want for you what you want for yourself and if surgery is it then you go for it. You do not want to live with regret or what if, just do it if it is truly what you want. Money will come and go but your health is priceless
lastchance-4newme
New Member
Omg very very well said bella
Bella'sBand
New Member
Thanks Lastchance4newme
Lastchance4newme That's really amazing to read whilst I'm sat in the waiting room about to meet my surgeon... iv driven here with nerves, tears, sweat and a banging headache but am now feeling so positive and motivated and little teary but for good reasons... it's quite scary how similar you are to me ella, my weight has been following the same pattern and having just been weighed I'm at my heaviest ever (173 but no idea in stones and pounds...lol) I have been down to 17.5 doing it myself but like you say it goes back on and then some!! Here goes... I'm off to meet Mr Akhtar!!
Bella'sBand
New Member
Aww Wendy that is so nice to hear. I am sure many of us have similar stories. I am so glad you feel better now and hope everything goes well with your surgeon. You go girl
Bella'sBand
New Member
:happy096:arty0011::fingerscrossed: Go Wendy, Go Wendy
arty0011::fingerscrossed: Go Wendy, Go Wendy
Bella'sBand
New Member
Hey Wendy, how did your consultation go?
It went great bella I feel loads more positive this is the right move!! I moved house last Friday and have to go to Liverpool today for the kids passports because we fly tomorrow then back for two days then it's my op... think everything got a bit on top of me... lol
Day one of pre op diet today though so bring it in I say!! Thanks for asking though and for your lovely words of advice xx :-D
Day one of pre op diet today though so bring it in I say!! Thanks for asking though and for your lovely words of advice xx :-D
Well tmr is the big day... !!!!
Pre op went well on my hols - I stuck to it really well and only cried a few times...lol. I even managed to stick to it during "chocolate night" a huge surprise to me and my hubby ... lol ;-)
Just packed my bag ready for tmr, got to be in cheadle for 11am and I'm sooooo exited (and a little scared...)
Big knickers and wind relief packed and final meal of more chicken and green beans has been eaten... will post tmr when I'm safely in my sexy stockings....
SEE YOU ON THE BENCH!!!!! :-D <3
Pre op went well on my hols - I stuck to it really well and only cried a few times...lol. I even managed to stick to it during "chocolate night" a huge surprise to me and my hubby ... lol ;-)
Just packed my bag ready for tmr, got to be in cheadle for 11am and I'm sooooo exited (and a little scared...)
Big knickers and wind relief packed and final meal of more chicken and green beans has been eaten... will post tmr when I'm safely in my sexy stockings....
SEE YOU ON THE BENCH!!!!! :-D <3
flutterby1966
Well-Known Member
Good luck
Bella'sBand
New Member
GOOD LUCK! Fingers crossed it goes smoothly for you. Can't wait to hear how you got on
