As if he said he is disappointed in me!!!!!

[Fuffs]

I have been told through my sister that my uncle was at my Nans house yesterday and said 'I am disappointed in Sophie for having a bypass. She could have lost the weight without it'

I am livid!!!!!!!

This man doesn't speak to me for months on end, is obese himself and criticises me at every opportunity. Then he thinks he can be disappointed in me??? How can you be disappointed in someone you have invested no love, time, guidance or encouragement ever?? In their whole 30 years???

Sorry peeps. Just had to get it off my chest!

 

[chrisa]

vent it and move on thats the way xx its what we up against always someone gona feel like that. It hurts but just have to move on xx

 

[Yvessa]

He's paraphrasing. What he really means is 'I'm disappointed in me because I can't get a grip on my weight. And so I will sabotage the person who I think will be successful'. Take it as a backhanded compliment - he is silly jealous that you had the guts to do something so lifechanging.

 

[Fuffs]

He's paraphrasing. What he really means is 'I'm disappointed in me because I can't get a grip on my weight. And so I will sabotage the person who I think will be successful'. Take it as a backhanded compliment - he is silly jealous that you had the guts to do something so lifechanging.

That sounds about right Yve. He does it to me over everything. Bad minded!

And thanks Chrisa. I do need to move on from it xxx

 

[Yvessa]

One of the things that many people have told me that has really stuck with me is how brave they think I am. Most sensible people recognise how hard a step this is, and even people we consider thin do struggle with their eating.

People who see this as the easy way out actually don't want to understand. Its easier to look for someone elses issues than focus on our own. So put your uncle out of your mind, give your boys a hug and hold onto why you've done this. And tell your sister to pass on how disappointed you are in your uncle for not supporting you to be a healthier happier person.

 

[Sharonimo]

My younger brother has this negative attitude to me having surgery. He hasn't (quite) openly said the same as what your Uncle has, but he has come close. When I was first referred my brother was the first person I told and his reaction was: "Are you sure? Could you not go back to Rosemary Conley and try again?"

(Obviously 25 years of me dieting and failing has taught him nothing -- his memory must be like a sieve.)

Well, after things have moved on several months now, I think he is just about used to the idea by now, but the only question he asks me when on the phone is:

"Is your operation still going ahead?" (not how are you? how is your pre-op diet going? how are your preparations going -- none of that -- just "is it still going ahead?")

Yes, of course it is bozo!! I have replied along the lines of "well unless I develop an infection or something major goes wrong, yes it is going ahead". I think he wants me to say I've changed my mind and chickened out -- that is NOT hapening !!!

My brother is also about 4 stone overweight and probably technically "obese" (but not mega supermorbidly obese and 11 stone overweight like I am). He and his wife "like their food" -- and DRINK -- they always pick large portions and puddings at pub meals -- fine, you are allowed to like your food, but you have to live with the consequences of being a few stone overweight as a result.

Of course, in 6 months' time I will no longer be able to go for the "large portions AND pudding" menu options at their local Harvester pub -- this is the choice that I have made -- that I will have to live with restricted food choices for the rest of my life !!!

 

[newcy]

No wonder you're livid - I would be too. But jealousy is a sad thing and you know you've done what is best for you hun. Deep breath and move on x

 

[Yvessa]

I think this is slight different Sharon. I suspect your brother is worried about you not making it through - he has not made an openly negative comment. My mum was the same initially and she didn't ask questions. But I talked to her and kept explaining. She has come around now. She is still terrified that I will die on the table. But she understands how much I need this. As hard as it is, being open with people can make a huge difference.

My habit of a lifetime is keeping myself inside. It is only through talking to people and being open about my surgery and why that I have suddenly found a wealth of people who want to get to know me and support me. Bizarrely, since I 'came out' about my surgery, I have had a busier social life than ever.

 

[Fuffs]

I guess I have to be blessed that the vast majority of people have been more than wonderful. He is just a negative minority. I shouldn't let him get to me x

 

[charlie_pops]

Sounds like he's very insecure about his own weight and jealous because you have had the courage to do something, it's took me years to realise that you don't need them even if they are family

 

[Sharonimo]

I think this is slight different Sharon. I suspect your brother is worried about you not making it through.

Unfortunately I doubt it. I won't go into the long history here, but my brother is extremely negative to me in many other ways.

 

[Yvessa]

Fair enough. We all know our own situations best. We just have to rise above.

 

[Yvessa]

I have been very lucky in that I've not had a single negative reaction. I am pretty sure I would be quite vocal if I did, but have not had to deal with that. People can be shocking though.

A friend of mine at work who is a similar size to me was sitting in on this theatre production for our year 7. I had been in earlier and it was fine. But then one of the actors (while acting) was describing teachers around the room as animals and he called her a whale! She was (understandably) devastated.

 

[Fuffs]

Thank you everyone.

He is a nasty person in general. Hence why I shouldnt be surprised. Just hate that Mr Big mouth couldn't say it to me. Not one of my uncles text me to say good luck, so none of them need be disappointed on my actions. I have had amazing support and will concentrate on that.

Yve, I can understand why she was upset. That would be hard!

 

[witchingmoon]

Hun rise above. You know you have done so well yourself and the bypass is to help keep your good work up. You look fab and will do so well with your op. Don't let him upset you.
Love and light x x x

 

[HiddenBeauty]

He's paraphrasing. What he really means is 'I'm disappointed in me because I can't get a grip on my weight. And so I will sabotage the person who I think will be successful'. Take it as a backhanded compliment - he is silly jealous that you had the guts to do something so lifechanging.

I agree with this. It's what we were taught in therapy that 99% of the time when someone says they are disapointed in you, its more that they are disapointed in something about themselves, be that that they can't do the thing you're doing or they can't bring themselves to accept you even though they know they should.

 

[Raynebubble]

only one word comes to mind.. .Jealousy!
You done amazing my lovely... dont let him get to you... he is prob kicking himself cos he isnt brave enough to have it done himself xx

 

[mrsdiddles]

jealous he must be good luck on your journey x

 

[Jamast]

only one word comes to mind.. .Jealousy!
You done amazing my lovely... dont let him get to you... he is prob kicking himself cos he isnt brave enough to have it done himself xx

I was just going to say almost exactly the same thing. I think it takes a lot of guts and soul searching to have any form of WLS and it's disgusting how some people can be so thoughtless. With all due respect to your uncle - what does it have to do with him anyway? it's your body, your health and your decision - not his.

To be honest, I would also question why your sister felt that she needed to tell you this. Could it be that she harbours similar thoughts? Perhaps she is concerned for you and has realised that this is the start of your journey and realises that it's not the 'easy-fix' that those who haven't gone through the process seem to think it is (does that even make sense lol).

Good luck hun and keep smiling x

 

[wizzbang]

Being mean and miserable just comes naturally to some people. Like others have said dismiss him and his comments from your mind and move forward.
Lynne c