Hi everyone!
Thanks for giving this a read!
I'm Gina, 28 qand 18 stone 10lb's.
I've always been big, can't remember ever not being the big one! I've had boyfriends but no one who's ever loved me. I tend to push until they bugger off and then I can stick unhappy in my comfort zone of being depressed and unhappy, knowing that I knew they were gonna go anyway! Well, I suddenly thought why am I putting myself through all this? I'm young, fun loving, attractive and fun to be with. Why am I always doing things for others but never for myself? Why am I not worthy of my attention? Then it hit me, I am!
I started researching in WLS and wanted to go through the gastric band route as Bypass surgery scared me somewhat. After a month of researching it, I spoke about it with my family and decided I was gonna do it! I found where I wanted the surgery to take place and booked a consultation with Mr Jenkinson at Spire hospital Redbridge in Essex.
In the mean time, an ex who I still have very strong feelings for came back on the scene. He asked me about my weight before I had seen him and said I needed some motivation to lose weight and that he would be my motivation. I was confused and angry. Who did he think he was? I felt like he had taken my decision out of my hands and I was doing it for him now and not me. I spoke with him about it and he said he knew I was doing it for me. But some of those other feelings still hung in the air. We started seeing each other again a few times a week but as things were needing to move on, he announced that he couldnt comitt to me at the moment. When I asked why he said he couldn't comitt to someone who could become ill through a weight problem and that would be setting himself up to get hurt. Having no obesity related illness's I told him that I was having the op in October and that my weight was going to start coming off before then. This still didnt seem good enough. I was too high risk to invest feelings in!
As much as it hurts, I have a deeper love for me than him. I'm doing this. I will look a million dollors and I know that because I am so determined. How dare I be treated like Im not good enough. Well, he'll have a surprise coming when I have my moment of glory in the next 12-18 months! "Look at what you could have had! Sorry baby, this ship has sailed, kiss my tiny arse goodbye as I walk away!" I may not feel the need to do that in time, but at the moment it's keeping me strong!
Im off to Barbados in 2 weeks, then Im back and start the 2 week liver shrinking diet and then its my op and I'll be a gastric bander! woop woop! Watch this space! No one is ever worth more than you are. I'm investing in me and my happiness because I am the most important thing in my life and my happiness counts for everything!
Phew, I feel inspired just by typing that! LOL
Common peeps, let the journey begin!!!!
