Ashamed?

[gweni]

Is anyone feeling ashamed? I mean I can't even talk about this with my husband or friends I feel so ashamed I don't want them to look at me with disapproving eyes... I know that some of my friends are so anti surgery for cosmetic reasons and so this would just baffle them

any tips on breaking the ice?

 

[Su2ie]

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! You should be proud that you are making a great decision that will lead to you being healthier and happier.

Having said that - I kinda know what you mean as I haven't really told anyone what I'm doing because I think they'll judge me and think I'm either stupid or taking the easy way out. Though I have to say I'm so lucky my husband is really supportive.

I don't know the best way to tackle it unfortunately, I guess it's a case of biting the bullet and pointing out that it's not an easy option but a tool that will help you achieve your goal. You'll probably find their response isn't anywhere near as negative or scary as you think.

perhaps those who have crossed this bridge and come out the other side will have some pearls of wisdom.

Good luck x

 

[los in it]

You have nothing to EVER be ashamed of ! Im more ashamed of letting myself be ruled by food , allowing myself to get so overweight pretending FOR YEARS that I happy been the fat one in a group letting people put me down have me as their fat friend making them feel better ..the list could go on
it was having a major health scare that was the kick up the bum I needed for me to go to my gp and get the ball rolling on my WLS
it was the bravest decision I ever made and my proudest one as it was for me giving me a new life getting my health back clearing out those so called "friends" my life has changed 360 I kept my plans mostly to myself only telling 1 sister my best friend and my boss until 1 week before my op and told all my family and the rest of my work mates and all supportive but if they were not it didnt matter as im doing this for me
remember why your doing it and blow anyone else!

 

[bellini]

Please don'y feel ashamed. You are taking a positive proactive approach to a healthier you. WLS is by no means an easy option, & your friends I am sure will have seen you struggle over the years with your weight so they may surprise you & be very supportive.

Maybe they are anti cosmetic surgery if they see it as un-necessary but as they say what suits one does not suit another. Ive technically had cosmetic surgery when I had my breast reduction but I assure you that was not for vanity that was for health reasons.

For me it suits to be open & honest with friends & family as we are a very social bunch so they will notice the differance in my portion size etc etc. And they have all been great & understanding & are looking forward to following my progress. I even started a My Gastric Balloon Journey page on my social network last night so that everyone can follow me without me having to keep updating via texts & emails. Living so far away from family this keeps them involved.

We happened to be with a bunch of friends just over a week ago & I made a point of saying ooh I best enjoy today as very soon I won't be able to eat half as much, this prompted questions & I told them. Maybe it is easier to tell people when your very close to your date.

 

[Butterfly_lady]

I understand you need to tell your partner, but you don't need to tell anyone else if you don't want to, I didn't tell anyone apart from my partner, not because I was ashamed but because I'm a private person, I'd not tell others if I had an ingrowing toenail op so I didn't see any need to broadcast my business

 

[A.Positive]

Even though I knew that WLS was something that I needed to do, at the start of my journey I used to feel just like this. It was bad enough that I had already allowed society to convince me that as an overweight female I was practically invisible but now that I had decided to do something about my excess weight (and via the NHS) I was now taking the "easy way out". Perhaps deep down, that is where the embarrassment came from? That, and the fact that I was "broken" mentally apparently. Why didn't I have what it took to loose weight with a bit of will power and exercise? It was for that reason that I did what I could to keep my surgery a secret.

11 months on and I feel that my decision should be celebrated. What we are undertaking is far from easy; there is so much for us to deal with and no one will ever understand that unless they have lived it.

My love, take the steps to be strong inwardly. If you choose to share your WLS decision, be ready to either let the negative comments (if there are any) fly over your head or smile from ear to ear when you are congratulated. Just remember that whatever the response, it doesn't change a thing for you. This is your journey, for your health!

All the best. xx

 

[gweni]

Glad I am not alone!

 

[Mandijayne]

I openly talk about my surgery to anyone. I know this is not for everyone. I believe I am very lucky to have been given this chance and there are many more people out there just like I was. Tried every diet going with variable successes but always being defeated and putting the weight and more back on. I don't believe wls is talked about enough and there are too many myths when it is. By talking about it I hope I can show the positives and the reality of it. People need to know that it can be an accessible option but not an easy one. If being open and honest about my surgery will lead to helping one other person gain happiness and confidence then I feel it is worth any negative comments and opinions. Saying that so far I have not experienced any negativity only support.

You must do as you feel best for you. Good luck with your journey. Xx

 

[gweni]

That is a very good point it isn't discussed and I remember when I had my double masectomy no one was there for support no one knew what to say but the minute Angelina Jolie had it done loads of people were talking about it ...

Hopefully one day WLS will become more common and less of a stigma

 

[Crystalrainbow]

Its difficult to know what tact to take, like Mandijayne i told everyone, i'm that kind of person, open and honest as the day is long lol But no i was never ashamed, and still am not. Sometimes i regret my openness because there are alot of people out there ready to judge you for taking the easy option.......... the cheats way out. But i feel its a simple not understanding what its all about, and of course the stigma in the press sure doesn't help. Even last night i find myself defending myself and my surgery, people still say if you can do it now then surely u didn't need the surgery in the first place. But honestly i think if they were ever in your shoes they may understand it better. For me this surgery was a life saving operation, gifted to me via the NHS. I would have been a fool to refuse the help i needed to get back to a near normal way of life. When we are 'heavy' i don't think we ourselves understand just how much it effects our day to day life. That the case how could anyone in a different pair of shoes ever understand. Yes i guess if i i was ashamed it was for allowing myself to get into such a state in the first place. Eating disorders are an illness and as such need treating i say go for it, tell who you must, the supportive ones will be pleased for you that your taking control .....the others that don't understand wont ever understand.............. lol trust me it get tiring explaining all the time.

So for the ramble welcome to the forum, get yourself booked in for a referral and you will never look back............ this is for you nobody else x xx x xgl

 

[gweni]

Thank you - I spoke to my husband and he started with the:

-- But I love you not matter what
-- Why you doing this who is it for?
-- You will change when you become "skinny" I don't like skinny girls.

I stopped him right there and responded with

-- You should love me yes but yous houldn't love the way I am right now I am unhealthy and I will die if this keeps going the way its going no joke... I want you to get behind me and help me find a way.

--I am doing this for me..for him for our son for our future.. If he wants a future with me I need to do this I don't want to be laughed at anymore I don't want my son who is only 5 to be ashamed cause mommy can't do things with him.

-- Your right I will change... I will be happy with me and not look in the mirror and cry.

Hopefully this has made him see how I feel

 

[Crystalrainbow]

Sometimes its not easy to be really honest, we stick on a happy smiley face and kid everyone around us we are happy where as inside we are filled with horrible thoughts about ourselves. For me, i felt ill everyday too, i was unhappy, unable to care for myself, unable to do anything, my confidence and self esteem rock bottom on top of dread, i felt every pain, i lived in fear i was going to drip dead. That was enough to wake me up to reality at the time i really wasn't aware just how much my weight was affecting me......... but now i know it was.......... mow i wake with a spring in my step, i wake with a smile on my face, i hop skip and jump round doing to chores and i;m loving life......... for me thats enough , sod everyone else do this for you.............you are worth it anyone that doesn't understand doesn't matter. Hubby will get it if you explain it....... my hubby was the same before hand, i took him along to every appointment and soon he came round, but deep down he knew i was killing myself. If you cant explain it write it in a letter, take him to appointments as he will finally understand. now my hubby spends his time complimenting me, buying my clothes and taking photos ........ Dont ever feel ashamed tho hunni, taking control over your life and health is in your hands..... you are the maker and breaker of your own life x x x x huge hugs you've taken the most important first steps well done x x x x

 

[purplepansyem]

I agree with everything that has already been said - most people who are anti-wls feel this way through ignorance. All they see is 'unnecessary surgery on the nhs so you can take the easy way out'.

This is the way I see it:

1. We wouldn't be having wls if we could diet and exercise the normal way and lose the weight.

2. If we've ever worked, we've paid national insurance contributions, therefore, if surgery is offered to us via the nhs, why shouldn't we have it?

3. Wls is definitely NOT the easy option - it gives us the tool we need to lose weight but we still need to put in an awful lot of work and we have to make sacrifices in the form of sickness, not being able to ever eat normal amounts of food again etc.

4. If we were alcoholics or drug addicts, we would also qualify for treatment on the nhs and nobody seems to have a problem with that, so why wls?

5. Finally, it's absolutely nobody else's business. If we choose to opt for wls and we qualify for it on the nhs, it has nothing to do with anybody else.

My husband is also worried that I will eventually waste away and be too skinny (he likes something to get hold of). But he can see how happier I am at losing 3 stone so far and he can also see the health benefits that I have already achieved. I no longer take my anti-depressants, the pain in my arthritic knees has lessened considerably, enough that I no longer have to take glucosamine every day and I just generally feel happier and healthier.

Opting for wls is a brave decision and shows that you are trying very hard to become a healthier version of you. Hold your head up high.

 

[lovelyzobo]

I so understand where you are coming from....my first op I told people, but my second one I have kept a complete secret....I'm ashamed I failed my bypass and have got to this weight again, weight is such personal thing, it's terribly hard.

Hope all works out well for you..xxx