backing out

[pinkprincess77]

I am on the road to having a gastric sleeve but as time goes on im starting to back out of my decision. I really really want the procedure but I am absolutely terrified of something going wrong and dying. I don't want my son to grow up without his mum. However I know that if I dont lose weight he will end up wuthout me in the long run. Can anyone help please x

 

[top_kat]

I felt exactly the same as you, as a single parent and with little family, it was a HUGE fear. Stick this with a personal fear of anaesthetic and it was just awful.

It took me over 7 years to finally book and go ahead - those fears stopping me for so long. I got to the point just before the surgery where I was 24 stone, took my son on holiday as we always do and struggled to do so much. Climbing the Colosseum in Rome was the final straw, as I huffed and puffed to the top almost keeling over, as we went to the pool at our hotel when we stayed at Lake Garda and I wouldn't even dare to get into a costume to swim. It really hit me just how much I've missed out on with him, and how much it has been affecting me.

I didn't want him to be bullied because of me when he went to senior school, and so much of this was a motivation for taking that step despite my fears.

3 days before my surgery, I had my will drawn up. The night before and even the morning of surgery while I was waiting to go down I wrote my son letters in case I didn't make it.

Since my surgery, I've lost 7 stones. I hit the gym, I've started running and I go swimming with my son, something I've avoided for so many years. it has changed my life immensely - it has changed our lives immensely.

I wont say "it will be ok" or "you will be fine" as those words are such a waste of time when you have those fears. People told me that and it used to really annoy me, because of the genuine fears that I had.

But yes, I am ok. And yes I was fine, and knowing that I am doesn't actually take those fears away should I have to have more surgery or do anything else. My fears stopped me for 7 years, but I so wish I had done this earlier.

The consultant said to me when I told him of my fears of dying that if I didn't do something about my weight I'd be dead anyway. I chose my surgeon and provider carefully and found one that had a zero % mortality rate. May sound extreme to some, but thats what I needed as a back up for me and those fears.

you're not alone for certain!

 

[pinkprincess77]

Thank yiu so much for taking the time to reply to me top-cat. Its such an awful feeling uts not helped by the fact tgat I nearly died when I had my son. Ive got an appointment tomorrow to see the dietician and bariatric nurse so I'm hoping they may be able to help. Glad your op went well and it as changed both yours and your sons life for the better many thanks once again xx

 

[Maz0106]

Omg pink princess I sooo understand you. I had my op exactly 2 weeks today and the night before I got myself in such a state crying hysterically prepared to back out with fear of dying. I went ahead as I was getting bigger and bigger and had to do something about it. The operation went fantastically without a hitch and I'm sooo glad I went ahead and I woke up saying to myself what on earth was I so worried about?? In a way I'm glad that I was soo worried and expecting the worse because in the end it went so smoothly it felt like it was easier.

There is nothing people can say to take away your fears, the night before my op you could have fed me any old rubbish to try and make me feel better, but I was scared and worried an every emotion you could think of, but nothing would have taken those fears away.

What I can tell you is your fears are completely natural and I'm 2 weeks down the line and I'm soo glad I bit the bullet and went ahead. I feel amazing.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Love Maz x

 

[pinkprincess77]

Thank you so much for replying maz in my hesrt of hearts I know that once it's all over and I kniw it went that it went well that it will be the best thing I have ever done. It's just the not knowing. I think I also over think everything with a tendency of looking at the worst possible outcome but I suppose along the lines of what you said expect the worst and then if everything goes ok it will feel even better ( I hope that makes sense) thanks again lynsey xx

 

[Maz0106]

I'm exactly the same read in to things TOO much. I worried myself by researching absolutely everything. I was convinced I would be the one that something went wrong. Im the biggest worryer, I over analys everything i completely sympathise with you. Honestly Hun go with your heart.

When I read your posts you sound like my double it's scary..lol


I really do wish you the very very best. Xx

 

[k4rid4]

iv got my op coming up in 9 days and i know exactly how your feeling. to be honest i was ok at first but i have got that nagging doubt in my head. i keep thinking do i really need this op, im sure i could do it by myself if i tried harder but the truth is we have all taken this path because there is no other way for us, sad but true! in the back of my mind i am thinkin what if i die? but at the end of the day, we r going to have a better quality of life. the way i feel now, i am not living. im just surving. no one can say ur going to be fine. end of the day you need to prepare for the worst option, tie up all end and at least ul have that peace of mind...

 

[pinkprincess77]

Thanks for replying k4rid4 ( hope thats right my memory is shocking lol) all the best with your surgery. Im sure there are alot of people doing the waiting game and thinking/feeling the same. Xx

 

[Beth72]

I'm feeling exactly the same PinkPrincess, so it's encouraging & quite normal by reading this thread, that all pre oppers go through this phase. Have you got a date for your sleeve?

I had details through for my pre op last week & my hospital admission letters yesterday & just receiving that has caused anxiety & fear. You mentioned a difficult child birth - not sure what complications you suffered, but I had planned c sections & my husband has great fears about me going under the knife again, after being present for the sections. This forum is sooooo encouraging & hopefully you'll find it the same, hearing from those post op who are doing so well. I'm going to keep myself as busy as possible pre op, as find if I have too much thinking time on my hands, it can be destructive in terms of me dwelling on any negative parts/stories about surgery.

Like my friend said, I can easily get into my car everyday to drive on a busy motorway where there are risks of crashing & don't even think twice about it, so knowing I'm having surgery with a very competent surgeon that will change my life for the better with me working alongside the sleeve, should be a no brainier really.

Good luck & hopefully we can support each other along the way x

 

[pinkprincess77]

Thank you for replying beth. I havent got a date yet im seeing the dietician and bariatric nurse tomorrow so im hoping that my date isnt too far away. I had a emergency c section and I nearly bled to death when I had my son I was in intensive care for 2 weeks. I would love for my mum to come with me when I have surgery but I couldnt put her through it if something went wrong she stayed with me throughout my stay in intensive and ut still upsets her now 7 years on. I totally agree this forum is absolutely amazing and is a great help because I know I can be totally honest as everyone of us are here for the same reason. Xx

 

[pinkprincess77]

Sorry I forgot to say good luck with your surgery beth xx

 

[Paula Garner]

I felt the same before my bypass too. I was so scared that I wouldn't wake up from the anaesthetic. But then I thought to myself I've had two years off stress and waiting for this op, there's no way I'm going to let myself fail at the last hurdle.

The anaesthetist also put my mind at rest too. He told me It's their job to keep you alive and your monitored so closely through the procedure. Anaesthesia related deaths are very rare. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you, but I just wanted you to know that your not alone on thinking the way you do xx

 

[pinkprincess77]

Thanks for replying paula to be honest the anaesthesia doesnt worry me as I had 2 when i had my son I weight more then than now. I think its the not knowing I keep thinking what if I get a leak or something likw that and it kills me. At the end of the day we are all human and its normal to worry xx

 

[Paula Garner]

Thanks for replying paula to be honest the anaesthesia doesnt worry me as I had 2 when i had my son I weight more then than now. I think its the not knowing I keep thinking what if I get a leak or something likw that and it kills me. At the end of the day we are all human and its normal to worry xx

Complications are very rare. Your right it is normal to worry. My surgeon told me he would be very concerned if his patients didn't have worries x

 

[BigDee's now little]

I didn't want to read and run without saying anything. What you are experiencing is all normal. It is a life changing operation which will ultimately enhance both yours and your son's life. I had my surgery 4 weeks ago as I shall be 50 later in the year, it is my gift to me as I was struggling with joint pain and other medical issues.
Knowing what I know now and the way I feel; I wish I could have had this done when my son was a youngster as unfortunately my bad habits have rubbed off on my son who is almost 23. He is constantly trying to lose weight and I can see a lot of myself in him. Hopefully he will succeed and get rid of his excess weight before it becomes a real issue. If I'd done this when he was younger he would have grown up with smaller portions, etc etc.
So grab this opportunity with both hands as it will change both your lives. Good luck and try not to worry too much xxx

 

[JoeH]

Good luck with whatever decision you make, but the risks are quite minimal with surgery. It's no longer classed as 'pioneering' anymore.

 

[pinkprincess77]

I will not allow my self to get this far and back out now I have waited so long and I've though long and hard about my decision I know it is what I need. I just need to keep strong. Its so nice to hear from people who have had the procedure and doing so well and its not only changes thier life but their family too. Many thanks everyone xxx

 

[femfrankie]

iv got my op coming up in 9 days and i know exactly how your feeling. to be honest i was ok at first but i have got that nagging doubt in my head. i keep thinking do i really need this op, im sure i could do it by myself if i tried harder but the truth is we have all taken this path because there is no other way for us, sad but true! in the back of my mind i am thinkin what if i die? but at the end of the day, we r going to have a better quality of life. the way i feel now, i am not living. im just surving. no one can say ur going to be fine. end of the day you need to prepare for the worst option, tie up all end and at least ul have that peace of mind...

As a pre opper too I can only say karida has said it all. No I no longer have young children to consider but believe me I have no wish to slip this mortal coil just yet not when I have my granddaughter to spend time with and I have so much to do! Of course you are scared, we all are/were but you answered your own question in your opening. Deep down you know that to continue as you are doesn't have a rosey future either.. I know what I am choosing Scared you bet I am but I have made my decision as for me it's the only logical one. Good luck hun and I wish you the very best in whatever you decide xx

 

[JoJoTGirl]

I was never going to back out once my decision was made, but I still don't quite know how my feet carried me to the hospital that day. I was as terrified as you and had all the same fears. The night before I was hysterical and inconsolable (and annoyed by my husband's reassurances that I would be coming homw again etc). I too wrote a letter to my little girl explaining why I'd felt the need to have the surgery and banging home how important it was to stay healthy but most of all that I loved her more than anything else in the world. My husband said I was nuts and even got cross with me but I could never have forgiven myself if she had no parting expression of love from me!! All sound so dramatic now but it is important to remember that WLS is not without risk but that we accept that risk in order to get the help we all need. Don't let anyone dismiss your fears but from someone on the other side..............that time 6 weeks ago seems a world (and a good 3.5stone) away!!! Take care.

 

[Yvessa]

This is not only normal but its a good thing. This is a stage that will affect how you treat your tool post op so make lists! Pros cons, things you hope for , relationships you want to happen. Be ready in your head even if your heart is terrified.