Bad family reactions

[MinnieMouse9]

I am from a large extended family (lots of aunty,uncles and cousins) but only 1 aunty and uncle know about my WLS and were very very pleased for me...apart from that only mum,dad,sister and a few close friends know about my WLS, all of them apart from dad,and sister are pleased for me
I only have 1 older sister, and her reaction has been absolutley shocking, she really is against me getting the band, telling me not to get my hopes up cos "itll be years before they give me it" and that "ive never tried to loose weight properly before" I literally cant talk about the surgery without critisim about my weight, and the surgery.
It really came to a blow when I had an appointment at the dental hospital and got offered a GA because I cant just have a normal tooth extraction due to complications, but didnt want a GA because I want to save GA's for when i REALLY need them (e.g when I get my band fitted, as I know the risk increases everytime your put under) Id had nothing to eat all day so ended up buying a chicken burger and chips and got screamed about that was the reason why I needed gastric banding.
I know realistictly its probably going to be around this time next year, if not a little after for my gastric band.
I feel like some of my family who I have told think this is the easy way out for me when infact its not because alot of effort will have to go in to retraining how I eat (fast eater) and what I eat, on top of putting myself through major surgery.
Has anyone else has really bad family reactions? Its really putting me down and making me feel like cancelling my referal because I feel like I dont deserve my treatment

 

[NOMOREyoyo]

totally sympathise

............. I've only told my mum and her reaction was bad enough & I havent even told her I am travelling abroad for surgery .....her advice was you've lost weight before so just do it again, she doesnt get it that my relationship with food is albeit similar to that of one to nicotine drugs or alcohol, I am unhappy and the only way to FIX it is to remove the problem as much as poss!

I truly believe that if you have 'always been the large sister/cousin/niece/friend etc then when you start to lose weight and keep it off the dynamics of your groups/friends/family change, and some peeps cant keep it - they're used to you being the biggest etc etc - let them come to terms with it, it is their issue not yours xxx

good luck

I chose to tell no one so that I dont have to justify it but appreciate it doesnt work for everyone

 

[Caren]

people dont realise that with food addicts, going on a diet is like giving an alcoholic 3 drinks a day, it just wont work. Nobody, unless they are the same as us will ever understand, which is why this place is so wonderful. Theres always someone going through or been through exactly the same. My answer to "you've done it before" is "yes, we all know I can lose weight, im great at it, I just cant keep it off.
Its like saying giving up smoking is easy, i do it every week lol
Good luck minnie, you'll be ok, dont let others make your mind up for you, only you can do that xxx

 

[NOMOREyoyo]

very true Caren

 

[emmalouise1989]

my step mum was rude and made out as if i was cheating, she has always been big, and its only the last few years i hae been bigger than her and she doesnt like the idea that i will be loseing weight now. she always makes a point of telling me her doctor has told her that she isnt big enough to need surgery to loose weight and she always tells me shes lost loads whenever i see her and makes a point of saying her clothes are now too big although their not.

also my sister in law wast very nice about it as first, like me she is big too, and she started saying it was too drastic, and she couldnt believe i was so big that i had to resort to surgery, and she brought up loose skin issue, which i reminded her that loose skin would still be an issue if i lost weight without surgery.
finally after having a heart to heart and showing her all the details about the surgery she told me she too is unhappy about her own weight and it is effecting her life and she went to doctors and started weight loss medication on prescription, and is now much more supportive of me and my surgery.

i think the issues i have had both with my step mum and sis in law is down to jelousy!
but everyone ese in my life is sooo supportive!!!

 

[MinnieMouse9]

Im feeling just so disheartened, I know I have a very unhealthy relationship with my food, at one point my sister said "your not that bothered about your weight are you" which really says alot i think It makes me feel sad my own family dont recognise how unhappy I am with my weight and being the size I am.
I think your right though, ive always been the "chubby" one my sister was also the very thin pretty one when we were younger, and yes the dynamics will change alot in the family because I wont be "chubby" My dad i think is just more worried about something going wrong during surgery more than not wanting me to loose weight..

 

[NOMOREyoyo]

Im feeling just so disheartened, I know I have a very unhealthy relationship with my food, at one point my sister said "your not that bothered about your weight are you" which really says alot i think It makes me feel sad my own family dont recognise how unhappy I am with my weight and being the size I am.
I think your right though, ive always been the "chubby" one my sister was also the very thin pretty one when we were younger, and yes the dynamics will change alot in the family because I wont be "chubby" My dad i think is just more worried about something going wrong during surgery more than not wanting me to loose weight..

my mum's reaction is exactly the same as your dad's, out of concern..... dont feel bad, everyone's opinion is merely that, an opinion its not right its not wrong, if you tell people what you are doing that are bound to have an opinion, you just tell them you accept that they have their point of view and it is just that....they are not waling in your shoes, only you are xx

 

[Mrs Quiggle]

I was very lucky that my parents support what I'm doing especially since my Dads cousins daughter had a bypass last year and they've seen how well she's done. But then my parents both think that being over weight is the worse thing you can be in your whole life. If I murdered someone in cold blood it wouldn't be so bad to them if I were thin when I did it than if I did it as a fat person. Does that make sense. Mum gets so excited and over the top Oh well done thats brilliant in a breathy tone every time I tell her I've lost a couple of pounds as if I'm finally going to be the daughter they always wanted. My Dad thinks I'm wonderful when I lose weight. I have told him in the past that I was pretty wonderful fat too but it just gets pushed aside. LOL families eh.

Don't give up on your dreams because some members of your family are misinformed or jealous. It's your life and only you can live it.

Love Kate x

 

[VikiB]

My husband keeps making shots about how I just haven't tried hard enough to lose weight (little does he know) and he thinks its a far too drastic step. He comments everynight about what I'm having for dinner (on pre-op diet now) and says I should stik it in the blender and drink my dinner from a straw. He does NOT want to know about it at all and I seriously doubt he will come see me in the hospital but I am doing this for me not him and I will not be detoured or bullied or critisized out of it. My friends and daughter all think it's brilliant but my parents don't know (I don't think my mom would understand and don't want to frighten her) Still wish my husband was on my team right now...glad I have this forum, great friends and a wonderful daughter though
Hugs
V

 

[MinnieMouse9]

I just find it extremely annoying people who are supposed to love me, and stick by me do not support my decision for WLS.
Im sick of hearing "it isnt the answear" and "its the easy way out" and "you havent really tried"
Im going to just stop talking about my op infront of them, and like you viki I doubt theyll bother to come in and see me in hospital!! I think itll be more my work mates who pop in, as they all think its great im having it done.
Families eh?

 

[Beebs]

I really feel for you, what a difficult situation. Personally I've not told my brothers & sisters yet as am fearing a similar backlash / reaction, but my mum - whose reaction I was most worried about - really came through for me and was supportive from the outset. I wonder if your dad & sister should have a read of some literature about the procedure / maybe talk to your consultant so that they can understand and be supportive of your decision.

As for feeling like cancelling your referral because you don't 'deserve your treatment'... you need to take that thought right out of your head. Do you think you deserve to be unhappy? Should you turn down an opportunity to improve your life, to help your health, for your own sake - because of the reactions of a few people whose motives for reacting in that way are unclear? NO & no. This is your life, not anyone else's and most definitely not a dress rehearsal. I really hope the support & strength of the other members of your family helps you to get through this & move your life forward. :grouphugg:

 

[phatmomma]

At the end of the day it boils down to this:

It's your body
It's your life
It's your choice

If talking to them gives you a reaction you don't want then don't talk to them. Why bother when we are all here and waiting to hear it all? We've been there (admittedly i never had it with any family, not that they said it to my face anyway, although work colleagues did) and we are on your side.

It is not the easy option as you will still diet, and may well find yourself sat in weight watchers or slimming world to get the right food intake going. But with the right mindset you will not be the big sister, big aunty, big daughter anymore. You'll be the shrinker, your bum will shrink and your confidence will soar xx

 

[loubyl00]

Hi vikki,

So many wise words here.

It's YOUR time now my love. Stay away from the wet blankets, when they see how happy you will become they will eat their words.

Surround yourself with positive people and be strong.

We all know its definitely NOT the easy option! You are a brave strong woman and dont let anyone take that away from you.

xxxx

 

[miserable]

I only told my OH who then told his patents who then told my OH sister. But apart from that no one knows and I am planning on keeping if that way. Don't want to be talked about, judge or critizise. It my life my body my decision, no one would understand the constant battle we have with food. For me it is worse than been alcoholic or a drug addict. But if u say this out loud people think u r crazy.

 

[MinnieMouse9]

well i got my seminar date didnt mention it to sister or bil but put it on fb that id got the best letter ever, que a text from the sister 10 mins late asking if it was from the bariatric team, think she was more shocked at how quick ive been refered!
im so excited and you guys are right this is my time and i am determined to shift this weight for good!

 

[miserable]

Yeah, so happy for u.2012 ll be a good year

 

[Caren]

fantastic!!!! good luck xxx