hopelesscase
New Member
Prior to my surgery in November 2008 i was active, reasonably healthy (but for how long at 4ft 11 and 21 stone) had lovely supportive friends and family, had a good social life and for the most was happy. I was just fed up of being fat and not being able to buy nice clothes.
I was happy to go to the gym and swimming and apart from fairground rides and climbing i didn't let my size stop me trying things.
I had been so busy being a single mum and with my job i had never had time to consider a relationship but equally never been approached. Saying that i always had kids with me as im a foster carer for children with special needs.
So all in all i can honestly say i was happy with my life and never really envisaged what other bonuses loosing weight apart from feeling better about my size and being able to buy nice clothes would have.
i was one of the lucky ones who sailed through the surgery and haven't really had any major difficulties since apart from a couple of bile stones but i had them before despite having had my gall bladder removed 23 years ago.
What i wasn't prepared for was the impact of the excess skin would be. For the first 2 years i was obsessed with covering it up and felt like a trussed up chicken most of the time as i found ways of holding it all in. For those of you who dont know me i have gone from a size 28 to a size 8 or an age 12-13yrs. My arms and boobs being my worst culprits. I applied for funding and was refused twice and there is no way on this earth i can afford the surgery myself as i am self employed and would need not only the money for the surgery but enough to cover my recovery as well.
I was referred back to the psychologist who talked me through why i felt like i did about things and that for me really was the turning point. I had met Dave 6 months earlier and had just realised that for the first time in my life i was in love but didn't know if he loved me. i think the thing i struggled with was how could someone love me if i didnt like or love myself.
When i left my appointment she asked me to write a letter to myself pointing out the things i liked about myself and why i would want to change the things i didn't. I have thought about the letter over and over and never got around to writing it.
The reason i havent written it is as my relationship continued to develop i got more and more confident. The silly thing is being naked in front of Dave or others who know me has never been a problem its exposing bits like my arms when dressed.
As what summer we had came upon us i discovered strapless tops and felt quite confident as long as i had a cardie with me. There was one day when out i had had my cardie on and took it off whilst walking in the country as i was too hot. Dave suddenly said yr going to have to put yr cardie back on. My initial thought was OMG my wings are flapping and then he said your neck and shoulders are amaising and i just want to ravish them but its not really appropriate with all these people around.
Men really do see our good bits its us that have the body image issues. Since that day ive tried to look at the more positive aspects of my body and yes my arms may wobble but they are so soft to the touch and i actually love it when they are massaged or touched. When my boobs are rolled or folded into a bra they look good and give me shape. I can get away with just wearing leggings or tights under most things and have a fairly smooth silhouette.
I got brave in august and told Dave that for the first time in my life i was in love and his initial reaction was that he was really pleased that he evoked that feeling in me and in time he hoped he would experience it again but for the time being he was pleased that i had taught him to trust again.
In November he finally told me he loved me and has told me several times since and each time he has i have felt myself loving myself that little bit more.
We were lay in bed on new years day when i suddenly realised that for the first time i was happy with every aspect of my life. Im healthy, active, still have lovely supportive friends and family, have a good social life, a job that i love, love clothes shopping and am truly loved and just in the best place ever.
Before getting out of bed that morning i actually said to Dave that i had never envisaged being completely comfortable with my body and thanked him for helping me realise that how you perseve what others may think really doesn't matter but that knowing that you are loved and love is everything!!
I just wanted to share this with you all as hopefully it will help anyone who goes through the self loathing that i did to see that with the right support there is light at the end of the tunnel and surgery may not be what is needed. x
I was happy to go to the gym and swimming and apart from fairground rides and climbing i didn't let my size stop me trying things.
I had been so busy being a single mum and with my job i had never had time to consider a relationship but equally never been approached. Saying that i always had kids with me as im a foster carer for children with special needs.
So all in all i can honestly say i was happy with my life and never really envisaged what other bonuses loosing weight apart from feeling better about my size and being able to buy nice clothes would have.
i was one of the lucky ones who sailed through the surgery and haven't really had any major difficulties since apart from a couple of bile stones but i had them before despite having had my gall bladder removed 23 years ago.
What i wasn't prepared for was the impact of the excess skin would be. For the first 2 years i was obsessed with covering it up and felt like a trussed up chicken most of the time as i found ways of holding it all in. For those of you who dont know me i have gone from a size 28 to a size 8 or an age 12-13yrs. My arms and boobs being my worst culprits. I applied for funding and was refused twice and there is no way on this earth i can afford the surgery myself as i am self employed and would need not only the money for the surgery but enough to cover my recovery as well.
I was referred back to the psychologist who talked me through why i felt like i did about things and that for me really was the turning point. I had met Dave 6 months earlier and had just realised that for the first time in my life i was in love but didn't know if he loved me. i think the thing i struggled with was how could someone love me if i didnt like or love myself.
When i left my appointment she asked me to write a letter to myself pointing out the things i liked about myself and why i would want to change the things i didn't. I have thought about the letter over and over and never got around to writing it.
The reason i havent written it is as my relationship continued to develop i got more and more confident. The silly thing is being naked in front of Dave or others who know me has never been a problem its exposing bits like my arms when dressed.
As what summer we had came upon us i discovered strapless tops and felt quite confident as long as i had a cardie with me. There was one day when out i had had my cardie on and took it off whilst walking in the country as i was too hot. Dave suddenly said yr going to have to put yr cardie back on. My initial thought was OMG my wings are flapping and then he said your neck and shoulders are amaising and i just want to ravish them but its not really appropriate with all these people around.
Men really do see our good bits its us that have the body image issues. Since that day ive tried to look at the more positive aspects of my body and yes my arms may wobble but they are so soft to the touch and i actually love it when they are massaged or touched. When my boobs are rolled or folded into a bra they look good and give me shape. I can get away with just wearing leggings or tights under most things and have a fairly smooth silhouette.
I got brave in august and told Dave that for the first time in my life i was in love and his initial reaction was that he was really pleased that he evoked that feeling in me and in time he hoped he would experience it again but for the time being he was pleased that i had taught him to trust again.
In November he finally told me he loved me and has told me several times since and each time he has i have felt myself loving myself that little bit more.
We were lay in bed on new years day when i suddenly realised that for the first time i was happy with every aspect of my life. Im healthy, active, still have lovely supportive friends and family, have a good social life, a job that i love, love clothes shopping and am truly loved and just in the best place ever.
Before getting out of bed that morning i actually said to Dave that i had never envisaged being completely comfortable with my body and thanked him for helping me realise that how you perseve what others may think really doesn't matter but that knowing that you are loved and love is everything!!
I just wanted to share this with you all as hopefully it will help anyone who goes through the self loathing that i did to see that with the right support there is light at the end of the tunnel and surgery may not be what is needed. x
x
